Well what do you really enjoy? If you could have your dream job and lifestyle what would they be? Maybe start with a journal on this site affirming yourself and don't lose that inner child they make a darn good companion

I like a lot of creative stuff, nothing that society considers a "real" job. My mom is into art, dad likes music, but they both had to give up on their dreams because they got pregnant with me, so I feel like I ruined their lives.

Not sure what I would like to do most; probably either something music related or printmaking/art. I don't have any money for printmaking/art materials so that's out the window. I do have a lot of instruments and there are so many free resources to learn, but it's hard to even get out of bed let alone practice; I also live in an apartment so I can't practice much.

you didn't ruin your parents' lives...having a child is the best adventure ever! please go to a support group of some kind. sounds like you have a lot of untapped talent. maybe networking with some other people online or otherwise could help. there is no such thing as "real" job.

First of all you did not ruin your parents lives. They made the choices themselves. Since you can't practice your instruments in your apartment, is there some place where you could practice? If not, your other interest is in art. Could you work part time to pay for the art supplies? Once you make up your mind and start getting interested in something, you will feel more motivated to get up in the morning.and I think you will feel better about yourself.

I know they regret having me; I wasn't planned and they had to get married before they were ready and get bad jobs to pay their bills.

There isn't anywhere I can practice my instrument for free. I recently got a part time job, but it just barely covers my bills and I owe money to the people who loaned me money while I was looking for a job. I know money doesn't buy happiness, but I feel like it would give me a sense of stability so I could actually get help and get better. :(

I hate this so much. You guys are really nice and you're giving me good advice, but I can't convince myself that I can make things better.

Hey look at the part time job as a gift. At least you can hold a part time job. I can't even hold a part time job.

Luckily it's online, so I don't have to deal with people. Really dull, repetitive work though so it's difficult to stay focused. I also only get paid once a month so I'm struggling while I wait for that first deposit.

Wish I could just go live off the grid in the middle of the woods, hang out with my cat, and learn to paint or something lol. Well, not completely; I do like people, but they stress me out because it seems like everyone else is better than me.

find a success coach or life coach.

That would cost money, which I don't have.

If I had stability I do not think I would have depression at all. It is horrible to have no idea what life is going to bring you. What kind of job do you do online?

Have you tried looking for a job at a music store or an art store? Maybe if you liked the job you would excel. Like Guitar Center or the places that do painting and wine parties? Money issues cause a lot of stress so that is very normal to be stressed over that. Make sure you communicate with the people you owe money. Tell them you are trying. If they loaned you money they care so I'm sure they will be patient. Trust me your parents do not regret you! I was a single teenage Mom and my daughter has been my only motivation. :)

@confusedandscared agreed. And I evaluate social media posts.

@frisco214 I've worked in retail and I think I've experienced enough of that. So many customers yelling at me for things completely out of my control for minimum wage. I've applied to similar jobs that aren't retail and I never hear back. It's also humiliating to have a job like that when all of my cousins are becoming surgeons and lawyers.

My parents probably love me, but I'm 100% sure that their lives would be better if I could erase my birth from history.

Feel free to message me

Trombone, come here let me give you a whack. My life would be 100 x better - for a preferred meaning of better - if I hadn't had kids. I would have heaps of money, nice car, body would be fabulous. I can happily say that: and I can also say that if someone came with a magic time machine and offered me the chance to go back and live differently I would tell them to stuff off.

why? Because 'better' is as better does. What is better. Since when was richer better? I have friends who have no kids and I'm SORRY for them. They have NO idea what they missed. what does having kids cause? it causes mummy and daddy to grow up. Okay, it USUALLY causes mummy and daddy to grow up... but if they reject you they reject their own human existence. What is it to be alive? To bear young is to be alive. Nothing else matters.

So drop that. just drop it. Your parents if they do resent your birth, need a damn good hiding. And I bet they don't resent your birth. I bet it presented them with challenges, they sound like a pair of hippies who thought there was such a thing as free love. Well that was their error.

Dear god. Imagine taking responsibility for your parents decisions 23 yrs ago. The hubris man. The sheer hubris.

So, now that I've done my mean act: time to be nice.

There is absolutely nothing stopping you from running away from society and living off grid. I don't know what country you are in but there are communes everywhere. There are internships at cal-earth and the earthship place, and all sorts. You can build yourself a cob hut at leaping rabbit, any nation in the world is filled with these things.

You can wwooff around the world. So in short there is absolutely no reason not to run away. But you will have to take what work is available, whether it is minimum wage or not. Wwoofing gives you work on all sorts of organic farms; no people you have to serve, just onions to pick, or grapes. So it will get you back in touch with reality. Back in touch with your physical body. And you can play music to amuse your mates around the campfire at night.

I feel like you are waiting for life to be easy. It's not easy. it's extremely hard until you learn to hold your nose right. Those kids who went through academia like a speeding bullet and are now working on wall street? Kudos to them. Their challenge will come in their 40s. Your challenge is coming in your 20s and you are not going to have their life. That's good.

The world needs you as much as it needs them. Now pack up your shit, go hire/buy a combi van, and bugger off. Go work the agricultural circuit for 2 yrs. It will be the making of you in so many ways.

Do your parents accuse you of ruining their lives? Or is that just something you inwardly feel? In any event, you didn't ask to be born! The owners of the egg and sperm cells brought you into this world by an act of their own choosing. There are many unplanned pregnancies, but few children are truly unwanted once they arrive. Depression is making you feel worthless. It's a trick of your mind.