Let me ask you Tired, has your wife been diagnosed? Is your wife close to the same age as you? The only reason I ask is because I was recently diagnosed with a hormone imbalance that caused me to act nuts. Your wife is probably at an age where she needs her hormones and thryroid checked. Google bi-polar and hormone imbalance. Also read up on the relationship between menopause and depression.

I'm sorry to hear your troubles. My mother is mentally ill as well, having been diagnosed with bipolar, OCD, and an onslaught of other issues. While no one can tell you what to do, i have seen the detrimental side of staying. My father stayed, I'm sure, for my brother and I too. For over 30 years I've seen the life sucked out of him by my mother. Today, he no longer resembles himself. He has weight issues, high blood pressure and has already had 3 strokes. 3 weeks ago his lungs collapsed in three places and he almost died due to low potassium. My mother, whom he loves, refused to call the ambulance because she didn't deem it an emergency. If I hadn't of called 911, he could have died. You have to take care of yourself too.

I have Bi polar and for many years until medication I was aggressive and pretty horrible. I made my husband and daughter's life a misery. God knows why my husband stayed it was a nightmare for him. But after diagnosis and medication I changed drastically into a much nicer person.
Your wife may need some further treatment maybe for Bi Polar. Then set yourself a six month time frame to see if a) she will take further medication and b) whether any change helps you. If she is still mean then your choices are clearer.

That is a hard situation. It's always much easier to help yourself when you don't have as many loved ones to factor into the outcome. If there are family members on her side of the family you could reach out to and explain the situation perhaps they can help coax her into some sort of system to begin treating her depression (or bipolar disorder). If she can build a routine of healthy habits it will certainly reflect in her personality.

If that's not the case, the family member could maybe talk to her about seeing a doctor and getting medicine. I believe the most important first step, though, is for her to see the problem here. It's very hard to help someone when they don't believe there is a problem. Hopefully that's a small place for you to start. Welcome to the page :) we are certainly a group worth talking to!

wow sorry dude....I would be leaving but I never had kids...how old are they?

She hasn't had a diagnosis of bi-polar or manic depressive (are they or not the same thing?). She is on a general anti-depressant (wellbutrin). She is only treated by her general practitioner and the counseling is via a social worker. We went together to this lady several years ago. It seemed like a pointless exercise of telling about our day and never really working towards a goal or developing coping mechanisms.

I believe manic depressive and bi-polar are the same thing. If the Wellbutrin is not working well, maybe suggest another medicine. You need to find a good endocrinologist to look at her. She needs to have her hormone levels checked along with her thyroid. Both hormone imbalances and thyroid problems can produce symptoms like bi-polar disorder. Don't despair.

Tired, it sounds to me like she needs to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. These people have the training needed for a good diagnosis. Primary doctors have good intentions but their knowledge is limited. I've had a few psychiatrists and they all have told me that they have to talk their patients into feeling better on Welbutrin and wouldn't prescribe it for me. The fact that she's on it and still symptomatic tells me it's not the right drug for her. Not every drug works for every one. I take Lexapro but I know people it did nothing for. You need a specialist.

I agree with Zoe, She needs to see someone who specializes in what she is going through and can work with her to find meds that will help her. It's never an easy situation when going through something like this. Prayers that you and your family will be able to find a solution to this and find some happiness in the outcome.

I am so sorry for the load you are carrying.

I agree with the others here who are suggesting more doctors. I see 3 basic causes of emotional issues.

One is "brain chemistry". this is a generic term I use to cover conditions that doctors have much better terms for. My mother had a bad episode, turned out her electrolytes were way out of wack and she did not know who was who. Others here have talked about thyroids as being a cause. There can even be genetic causes that contribute to emotional issues. Based on what I have seen and read, brain chemistry causes require medication. (In the case of my mom, IV fluids got her back to her old self very quickly!)

A new one that I have learned about from a friend here is that tumors can have very serious emotional symptoms that can look a lot like the various mental illnesses that we talk about here.

The final one is life experiences. For example, children who are traumatized by thunder may have adverse reactions to loud noises as an adult.


Each of these causes can have different treatments. But the point is that it often takes a medical professional with lots of experience in the field to determine the cause. A lot of physical illnesses can be diagnosed with blood tests, or other physical tests. Mental illnesses have not gotten to that point.

Sorry to go on and on, but please, for the sake of your children, get your wife in for some serious testing.

Gentle hugs

You are a great man and a even better dad. I struggle with this myself and the more I educate myself, the sadder

Problem I face. I can deal with my wife's depression but It is too much to for the kids to deal with on a frequent basis The meds make her super anxious and numb and kids realize it.

You are a great man as I know 1st hand what you go through. Always be that rock for the kids no matter what. shield them as much as possible. As of yesterday, I am permanently on HW duty as a result of them having another big blow up.

It's been 4 months since I logged in. I am still just so tired of the slog. We communicate so poorly...I say we...my problem is just opening my mouth for fear of the reaction I'm going to get. Suggesting a more specialized doctor, I fear, is like emotional dynamite. I have put up with so much I don't want to open the can of worms. I've been reading more and more about divorce, how tough it is on the kids, how tough it is to recover from financially. It's like there are just no good choices right now.

Glad to see you checking back in with us. I wish the answer was a simple one but obviously it isn't.
Just want you to know though that we are here to support you regardless of your decision.

I just want to add one more thing. Kids bounce back from divorce all the time, although in your case you might have to be the one who is awarded custody and if you don't think you would get it then you might want to reconsider. And yes it takes it's toll financially at least for the short term, but again, people bounce back from that too. Also keep in mind what this stress is doing to your health due to the overeating. You can't help your kids if you aren't around for them.