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I have been a Christian all my life, studied for the ministry, had to drop out because of depression. Looked for help, nothing worked. Grew up with abuse and neglect by what I know believe were alcoholics.
Got married at 33, prayed for a Christ centered family and marriage. Turned out my wife was a spending addict and would not take care of our child. Our child began to show signs of something wrong. We prayed for a diagnosis. We got none. Nothing helped.
He grew up, got worse and worse. He is 27 now, and they think he has schizophrenia. He is in jail now because of his mental illness. If he gets out, he will be homeless in the winter time.
Last week, I was listening to Rick Warren's 40 days of purpose, and he kept on using the phrase "God loves you so much . . . " and it hit me. I realized that this cannot in any way be true.
I prayed all my life for relief from my depression. God said nothing, God did nothing. I prayed for a healthy child, nope. I prayed for guidance on how to help my son. Nothing. I prayed right up until last week. I finally realize, God definitely does not love me or my son.
What kind of Loving father watches suffering and does absolutely nothing, ignores requests for help from his children? The were 90.000 Christians killed for their faith. Some were burned alive, some drowned in cages, some buried alive, even children buried alive, and some crucified.
What kind of a God loves his chilren by not protecting them? He does nothing and says nothing. I have wasted my life believing in this God. I don't know if I am angry at God, or angry at myself for believing this nonsene.
Now I am forced to make a choice about my belief. Either God is a personal God, in which case, he is a liar or uncaring oaf. Because he is able to help, but is unwilling. He just watches suffering and says nothing, does nothing.
OR, God is an impersonal God like a principle, like gravity, in which case God is not able to help even though he may be willing
OR, God is just imaginary, like that friend you had when you were 5 years old, Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny.
I am really angry about this, and disillusioned and disoriented. I have wasted my life believing in God and "his promises."
I think Christians are like that child who keeps making excuses for a deadbeat Dad, "well we don't understand the big picture." Just like the child who says, "well, Daddy probably had important work to do, he will come next time I have a birthday."
Does anyone have a third alternative? Is there a limited god who is helpful even though not powerful?
Too many atrocities have been committed over human nonsense in the name of religion.
Living under guilt and condemnation is not what I believe we were meant for.
I was born Catholic, raised protestant , and I don't care for labels.
I'm interested in learning from all the great teachers, and Jesus was one of them, on how to live a better quality life.
If you saw a tiny puppy freezing in the street would you pick it up, bring it home and feed it? Thats God working through you.
Just something to ponder.
I just got a message from a Pastor to whom I reached out. His responses were 3 things God wants you to know when life doesn't make sense. It was lame. He told a story in which God worked in a woman's life after she lost a child to cancer. A little thing happened and she interpreted it as God telling her that one day she will see how all the pieces of the puzzle are finally put together, and that God is with her through it.
I don't care if God is with me through it. As far as I'm concerned, if he is silent and inert, then there is no difference between this and no God at all. I know it sounds like I am ungratetful, and I guess I am, but if this is all God has to offer, then I don't want it. This just not enough for me.
There is no evidence God is working through me. In fact, there is no evidence God is working through anyone. There is obviously a force that keeps the sun burning and gravity pulling the planets into their orbits, but there is no evidence that God is anything more than that.
Then there is the argument that "you're looking for evidence." That's right, I am. Faith based on no evidence is how we get lured into untenable positions, like that Heaven's Gate cult, all of whom committed suicide because they thought their souls could hitch a ride on that comet.
I appreciate all the input from everyone. The more I hear, the more disgusted I am with God if he exists, and the more I am convinced that I must find another way to believe. Yes, I am angry. I don't see the point in praying if nothing ever comes from it. Jesus said, ask, seek, knock. I say, what for?
Not answering a prayer is not an answer. It is rude not to answer. God does not say yes, no, or not yet. God says nothing. So what's the point? There is no evidence that God loves us as individuals. There is no evidence that God does anything except keep water flowing down hill and the earth in its orbit.
But it's also OKAY to be atheist. I used to LOVE church. Loved it. Problem was, as I studied it, I learned that I didn't believe in pretty much anything that they believed. Sure didn't believe in any kind of god that they were talking about. Nor...well a whole bunch of things. Listing those things tends to upset Christian readers...so I tend not to list.
Non-believers are a small, but fast growing segment of the country...so you're far, far from alone. I've been "out" as an atheist for almost 30 years. It hasn't always been easy...it's amazing the things that Christians (it's never been Jews or Muslims) have said to me. And worse...to my daughter (Telling a 4 year old that they're going to hell is...well in my opinion, immoral.)
Many, many, many atheists "pass". Go to church. Or just talk about "believing" and otherwise stay quiet. Over the years, I've had dozens swear me to silence. Despite church-state, in many parts of the country it's still legal to discriminate against atheists.
We come in all shapes and sizes. Democrats, Republicans, Liberal/Conservative, Tall/Short, Big/Small and everything in between.
In any case, there's lots of stuff on youtube and atheist groups around. Unitarian Churches are pretty welcoming to everyone. The atheist experience is a show that can be helpful for those just leaving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afw1e9dq4qU (Skip to about minute 27)
In any case, send me a hug or pm if you want to talk or want more information. It took me about a year to admit that I really was atheist, but once I did, I never felt any kind of peace before that ever came close. That's just me, everyone is different. But for me, I see more beauty and love, knowing that every good thing that's here...came from a Person's intention.
Heartfelt Hugs, Patti
I am in a state of confusion, since I cannot be an atheist, since there is something there. Atheism is illogical. However, the idea that God will somehow help you with real problems is also illogical. There has to be another choice that works.
I am going to tell you a storie ...a true story ...my story .........I rember ware I come from .....I came from a place of light .....when I came here ..it was so dark ..everything was dark .....I was lost .....I could not feel my body ...I was just spread out ...I come to relize I was bigger than my bodie ...................that in its self ..is very hard for me to try to explain to anyone who has not experanced it .....I did ..some how ...wake up in my bodie ....there was light but no ware near as bright as ware I came from .....up untill I was two I was content ...I thought I was like my parents and they were like me .....one day my mother put my younger brother in the pool and I went to get in and my mother turned around and walked away ..I was ...shocked ...I thought how can she walk away when she knowes he is going to drounding ....I had one foot in the pool I got out and went after my mother ....to bring her back when I started chocking and I couldent breath I was drounding and I knew it wasent me so I went back to the pool and my brother was face dowen in the pool ..I tried to pick him up out of the water but he was to heave ...all the time I was yelling ..for my mother ...I pulled my brother by his hair and put my other hand under his chin and got his face out of the water ...my mother came ..and I looked into her eyes ..and relized she did not know that my brother was going to drounding ..............
in that moment I learned I was here alone ......I was ..shaken bad ...I went over near the house and the realization that I was here along ..made me fall on my bottom .....I told God ..that I had made a big mistake and I wanted to go back home ...but at the same time ..I knew that ..I chose to come here ...and I wasent going back home ....so you see I always new there was God ...I dident know the name ...God ...but I knew ware I came from ....and I knew there was one ..who was ..the equivalent to God .....I have had many experances through out my life ............I have had spirits come to me when I was at my lowest in great need ...I can tell you ..if not for one promis ..given to me I realy don't think I would be here today .....................................it is not important to me if you belive me because I know what I have seen and you will make up your owen mind no mater what I or anyone else says .....take care everyone .....God bless
I just want to say that ..only the very first part of what I wrote was ....said to bridge .......I rote .......I don't intend to try and convince you bridgie ....because we are all here on our women path .................that is the only part that ...I was saying just to bridge .....the rest is to everyone ......sorry ....for it not being clearer ......bridge.........I also did not read all of what you rote and .....was a little hurt .....but in thinking about it ...I have a very hard time reading the bible ....because ..of the ..way God is depicted in it .....it just isent the God I know.........
I wish you the best in figuring out where you belong.
Peace, Patti
https://www.biblegateway.com/blog/2012/07/why-does-god-allow-tragedy-and-suffering/