I lived your life except that my wife was not depressed...she had been married five times....we are now divorced and I see that future for you too....sorry to tell you that....you may have desire for marriage but she is not there for you.....you probably should talk to attorney....

I doubt the depression is cause of separation

We still talk 2 or 3 times a day and she still tells me she loves me. I will not give up.

I can relate to your wife. It's hard because people with severe depression are always going back and forth between being lonely and needing to be alone. I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense to someone like yourself who may not have issues with socialization but it's an ongoing challenge for those of us who are battling this illness. My guess is that your wife feels inadequate and like she can't be there for you. She doesn't want to feel guilty for not being able to meet your needs. I woule suggest the two of you talk openly about how to proceed with the relationship. Is there something about actually being married that she has a hard time with since she has been married several times before? I would say the more open and honest the two of you can be with each other the better.

There is also a depression supporters group here at DS but it is not as active as the depression board here.

Oh, my goodness! I'm so sorry that things are going so badly. I cannot identify with what your wife is going through, but I do know what it's like to feel alone and depressed. I've been married for 22 years, and my husband tries so hard to understand me. I know that during those times of depression, all I want from him is a little bit of sympathy and understanding, not a lecture on what I'm doing wrong. In your situation, I don't know. It's sad that after only 2 years you are having this much trouble. I hope that things work out for the both of you. One thing for sure, understanding means everything. At least in my case. Good luck.

just listen. Give her space if she needs space. I can speak from experience. I have battled with depression since I was a child. It is currently pretty bad for me, also.

I had always WANTED to be married, but never thought that I was good enough to be married. It was years AFTER my husband and I were married that I stopped looking at apartments and thinking to myself, "Oh, this doesn't seem so bad. I will look at that when we get divorced.", etc. It had nothing to do with him and my love for him. It is that I did not feel like I was worth while as a human being and that he could do better.

This is still a daily struggle for me. Suicide is constantly in the back of my mind because I feel worthless as an individual. I pour every living ounce of myself into my husband and children and I STILL feel that they would be better off without me. better with a different wife. better with a different mom.

I hate leaving the house. I hate pretending to smile and be happy. I hate faking a happy marriage. I hate when people see me out with my husband because I feel like everyone is looking at us and thinking, "ugh. poor guy. stuck with THAT."

When I am upset, the last thing I want it to talk to anyone. My husband always wants to hold me or hug me and I HATE it. I just want to be alone. I will give him to his hugs to appease him, but I am in major anxiety the whole time, just wanting him to let me go so I can go away and be alone.

I am not saying these things to try to take the focus away from you, I am saying them to (hopefully) help you understand the mindset of a woman who deeply loves her husband but also struggles with the demon of depression and how much it can warp your mind.

Thank you all for your advice!! I really needed some positive feedback. I still have a lot to learn about depression and I'll never give up!!

I am sorry to hear that you and your wife are separated and having difficulties with your marriage. I hope you will be able to come to an agreement soon. From my life long depression and anxiety I know that when I am going through deep depression, I find that I want to be alone and not wanting to talk with anyone. This is actually the time when I should be talking and being around people so that I can get my mind off of how I am really feeling. It's very hard to make myself do that. If your wife is not seeing a psychiatrist, therapist and/or on medication, she should seek help from a psychiatrist who can make a proper diagnosis and treatment plan. If she is already getting help, I would recommend increasing her therapy time and possibly may need some changes in medication. I hope things work out for both of you.

Depression and marriage are a tricky combo. I've been struggling with depression since I was a young girl and my husband knew that. He is a huge support and really wants to understand this disease but it's hard. When I'm feeling low the last thing I want is to tell him (strange I know). I need my space to be alone and he thinks I'm mad at him or something is wrong.

Communication is key! I'm learning to communicate with him more effectively about my struggles. It's not easy. If your wife loves you and you love her you will both find a way to make it work. Depression sucks but with good communication and support it doesn't have to ruin a marriage.

Best of luck to you!

depression is a hard thing. it is hard to understand and you may never fully understand it. sometimes it feels as if you are on top of the world but once you look down you feel like you are holding it up. it is hard for the person whom is going through it and for the people having to help with it, theres no doubt about it. However, be supportive of her, and care for her and let her know that you WANT to help and be there with er and comfort her even if you live far apart, facetime her and talk let her rant to you it will make her feel better