Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Fake_Smiles 08/26/2017

when I was around the age of 5, my mom's boyfriend's son, who was 15, would sexually abuse me all the time. I told my mom, she never believed me and she called me a liar. at the age of 11, I switched to a new school on a new side of town. I didnt know anybody. I got bullied really bad. Verbally and physically. By both my siblings and my school peers. The bullying got so bad to the point where I wanted to kill myself. As the school years went by, the bullying happened less, thankfully. The depression never went away though. I got to high school and I was starting to get bullied again. I had low self esteem. I hated the way I looked, dressed, spoke, walked. I just hated everything about me. I still do. My life at home was getting bad again. I was being treated horribly by my mom and siblings. It got so bad, I began to self harm, cutting. I've been cutting since I was 14. I started burning myself when I was 16. Im 19 now. I've been self harm free for about 42 days. my first suicide attempt was when I was 15. My "friends" told our school social worker or whatever and she called my mom. my mom got angry with me and yelled at me and called me selfish because she was embarrassed to be getting a call from the school and because funerals cost a lot of money. She was mostly upset because "black people don't get depressed and try to kill themselves" I attempted again when I was 17. the same thing happened. a teacher told our school social worker, she called my mom, my mom yelled at me and made me feel worse. now I'm 19, not in school. Currently working and still living with my mom. I can't save up, unfortunately because she makes me pay bills and buy food. I am still suffering from severe depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I still self harm and have suicidal thoughts. Everyday that I wake up, I wish I hadn't.

bridgie101 08/26/2017

I am really sorry to hear of what you have been through. Are you able to squirrel away any money at all? You need even $10 a week to hide somewhere to build up enough moneyt o escape. Once you have got away, and can find your own place and learn to live again, you will start wanting to be alive again. Don't give up.

Fake_Smiles 08/26/2017

@bridgie101 I've tried that, but she always asks for more money. If I don't give it to her she threatens to kick me out. If she does that, I'd have nowhere to go.
and I've already given up

sharaninmd 08/26/2017

I am sorry for all the abuse you have endured during your short life. You didn't deserve to be treated this way. Since you are unable to save any money, do you have a relative who you could stay with until you could save enough money to be on your own? Or do you have a close friend who you could stay with until you could save some money? You would benefit by talking with a counselor or a therapist, but I know you don't have much money. Contact your Department of Social Services or Department of Human Services to see if they offer any mental health services or any counseling services. Good luck to you.

lostsoul873 08/26/2017

I am so sorry for what you have and are experiencing. It is so hard to get out of a toxic home life. Have you ever sought out counseling or resources. I know this isnt the greatest suggestion but are there youth centers group homes shelters in the area. Maybe try looking into some resources in the area so that you can find a way out. Seek out a counselor and maybe they will have some type of programs they can get you hooked up with. It is hard when the ones who are suppossed to protect us harm us. Mental health issues are not well excepted or talked about in the black community along with molestation. Im not sure why. I do understand that factor. We are forced to keep quiet and act "normal" while generations of dysfunction repeat themselves. I hope you can find some help dear sending love your way hang in there.

bridgie101 08/26/2017

is mum a meth addict? Can you contact social services? Don't give up. That never works.

extraterrestrialone 08/26/2017

• safe horizon domestic violence crisis hotline (free 24/7) 1-800-621 HOPE (4673) i think this includes your situation. give it a try.

• LIFENET (free 24/7, crisis and referral hotline) 1-888-NYC WELL or text "WELL" to 65173. this is for new york, but give it a try if you are not from ny. maybe they can direct to to something in your location.

LillyGabriel 08/26/2017

What you're going through sounds so awful! Are there no shelters or somewhere you could go to get away from that? Maybe you could look for a roommate? What you're going through has no color. It must be terribly hard to trust anyone after all you've been through. Maybe your mom lived a tough life too and just doesn't know how to help you? Please don't give up. 42 days without hurting yourself is great! Let us know how you're doing. We care! Lilly

Fake_Smiles 08/27/2017

I don't have friends or relatives who'd let me stay with them. My relatives would just send me back home and the 2 friends I have are away at college. Also, my mom isn't a drug addict she's very religious so she thinks everything is just because of the devil. I don't have money to afford any type of counseling not even antidepressants. Im honestly just stuck here in this nightmare.

bridgie101 08/27/2017

run away to a homeless shelter?

lovejourney 08/27/2017

it may be challenging for you, but make some calls and send some emails... look up the phone number to your local department of social services and call them. they will at least be able to connect you with someone. local churches may be able to offer some assistance too. you'll be tempted to not do anything...and just keep living in the cycle. don't. do the research. make the calls. follow up with any appointments made. the depression will want you to stay there...and remain a victim. so dig up some courage, and be proactive.

a homeless shelter may sound awful, but there are people there that will help you...they will help you save money...and give you some emotional support. if you're working, that's great. it's ok that your mom requires some money from you, as any 19 y/o living at home ought to help out some, but not too much so that you can't save any.

i'm sorry you are struggling. keep coming back here...we can help you by giving tips and support. you are NOT alone and we do care. so remember, we are here......keep reaching out.

goliegirl 08/27/2017

You must move. You must break contact with your toxic mother. Whatever you have to do to move, to get away, do it now. Your life depends on it. Nothing will turn around in that hell you are living in. GO!!! anywhere...make a plan, don't wait. Call a women's shelter. One step at a time otherwise it will feel too overwhelming and you won't do anything. GO!! one step. Pack up now. Get away, NOW.

WanderingVet 08/27/2017

19. The laws are different in each State, ... and as far as I can tell, you are a MINOR. Your State may or may not consider you one, ... but if it DOES, I suggest CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES. Can't hurt to call them .... TELL THEM EVERYTHING YOU HAVE POSTED, and see what they say. You must tell them .... everything.

Ohouch777 08/27/2017

You are.not alone.. So many have had this happen. Not to make lite of what happened to you. You didnt deserve what happened to you. And, you are not responsible for what happened to you back then. If you are now an adult, you are responsible for trying to help yourself. There are many tools out there. I found the only thing that truly helped me was my relationship with God, The other tools help somewhat. They kept leading me back to God.

I've finally found. now I have peace. Maybe not all the time. And that is because all of us humans, are imperfect. God is so good.! He WILL help you. May your healing begin. God bless you.

dinglehopper 08/28/2017

I'm very sorry that all of this happened to you. You never asked for it and none of it is your fault. If I'm being honest, your mother is not a mother. She doesn't deserve your help, she's done you treacherous wrongs with full mental understanding of the things that she was saying and doing. You have no reason, not even out of duty or emotion to stay with her. You should leave, go to a homeless shelter, WHATEVER you have to do to never see her again. Religion is an excuse for her, it's a way to compensate for the terrible person that she chooses to be, and that choice should never make you feel bad enough to support her laziness and incompetence. I only say this because my entire family is exactly like your mother and I've had to almost completely sever them from me. Please, for yourself, even if it's a little bit more discomfort, go to a shelter and break away. In the end, the discomfort of paying for her to live and never being able to get away will be far less than never leaving.

dinglehopper 08/28/2017

Sorry, I meant to say that the discomfort of going to a shelter temporarily until your money is saved will be far less than never leaving your mother.

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