Depression Support Group
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So my mom is an alcoholic and is dating an abusive man (with a great job). Unfortunately this man is also addicted to cocaine. He has beat her severely on 3 occasions. She has had facial fractures, a broken hand, broken ribs and so forth. I am so frustrated because what happened last night could have been avoided.
I spoke to her yesterday afternoon and did everything in my power to convince her to go to a woman's shelter, she refused being absolutely sure that it'd never happen again. I told her I thought the chances of it happening again were 100%. I knew it would because this crap and these conversations have happened so many times, the cycle just repeats... I'm no fortune teller.
She didn't want to believe it so of course I wake up to a crying mother at 4 am this morning. I'm mad but I don't blame her, I understand that alcoholism is a real disease and that there are a lot of things involved psychologically with being physically abused. But it just makes me feel so DAMN helpless. I'd like to place my anger towards something but I'm just to damn understanding of life and the development of people to find a good place for it.
I know I can't beat myself up over it, I know I can't blame me for not trying hard enough...
Here's the problem.
Last night when it was happening someone called the cops and they arrived on scene and saw my moms mouth bleeding and hair all over his shirt. So they took him to jail and put him on bond. He paid the bond and is now out, she thinks the 72 hour restraining order is going to keep him away. I don't!
I've asked her to let me buy her a hotel room to stay in and she refuses, again swearing he will stay away. Hopefully, he does but I have my doubts. It drives me nuts, to love someone so much and constantly be worried about her... Unable to make a difference no matter how savvy I try to be.
As her head was being slammed into dashboard, she also told him that, "her son warned her this would happen" and I guess he just beat her harder. My brother wants to put a bullet in his head, I'd just be happy if they'd deport him back to Canada. That probably won't solve my mom's drinking issues, but it couldn't hurt.
Now I'm worried that he's going to come my direction to try and hurt me or my wife as a way to hurt my mom. He's violent, he snapped her dog's neck. If you're willing to call a dog, you've got issues. By worried, I'm worried I'd have to defend myself and ruin my career as a result. Again, the complications of working so hard to rise above your circumstances and have them try to pull you back by your ankles.
As far as support guys... I just wanted to share my story, to know it was heard.
Brock
I spoke to her yesterday afternoon and did everything in my power to convince her to go to a woman's shelter, she refused being absolutely sure that it'd never happen again. I told her I thought the chances of it happening again were 100%. I knew it would because this crap and these conversations have happened so many times, the cycle just repeats... I'm no fortune teller.
She didn't want to believe it so of course I wake up to a crying mother at 4 am this morning. I'm mad but I don't blame her, I understand that alcoholism is a real disease and that there are a lot of things involved psychologically with being physically abused. But it just makes me feel so DAMN helpless. I'd like to place my anger towards something but I'm just to damn understanding of life and the development of people to find a good place for it.
I know I can't beat myself up over it, I know I can't blame me for not trying hard enough...
Here's the problem.
Last night when it was happening someone called the cops and they arrived on scene and saw my moms mouth bleeding and hair all over his shirt. So they took him to jail and put him on bond. He paid the bond and is now out, she thinks the 72 hour restraining order is going to keep him away. I don't!
I've asked her to let me buy her a hotel room to stay in and she refuses, again swearing he will stay away. Hopefully, he does but I have my doubts. It drives me nuts, to love someone so much and constantly be worried about her... Unable to make a difference no matter how savvy I try to be.
As her head was being slammed into dashboard, she also told him that, "her son warned her this would happen" and I guess he just beat her harder. My brother wants to put a bullet in his head, I'd just be happy if they'd deport him back to Canada. That probably won't solve my mom's drinking issues, but it couldn't hurt.
Now I'm worried that he's going to come my direction to try and hurt me or my wife as a way to hurt my mom. He's violent, he snapped her dog's neck. If you're willing to call a dog, you've got issues. By worried, I'm worried I'd have to defend myself and ruin my career as a result. Again, the complications of working so hard to rise above your circumstances and have them try to pull you back by your ankles.
As far as support guys... I just wanted to share my story, to know it was heard.
Brock
I wrote a long comment and as I finished my computer rebooted itself and it was not saved. I have been calling different departments of Homeland Security namely ICE and INS to see if you have any chances of having his man detained and then deported. It appears if he is committing a crime and the police find him in the act ( like possession of cocaine or something else) then he will be detained. From my understanding if he is abusing your mom and then ICE or INS are called she has to admit that he is abusing her and then he will definitely be detained and be taken away from the home. I am not done with my research because it is very hard to find numbers where you can actually speak with someone there. So far I have spoken to one representative and she gave me this information and gave me other areas to call which I am going to follow up on. Please let me know what state and county she lives in and I will be happy to investigate what the state laws are regarding your mom's situation if you have not yet. Over the years I have help other women get out of their bad situations when they had enough of the abuse. I realize it will be hard to have your mother change her situation at this time but maybe with the right legal intervention she will he forced to hit rock bottom. Take Care
I just got off the phone with her and she downloaded the Aspire app. She loves the man and sounds like she wants to try and make things work! Ahh!!! I told her about you reallife, said I had a friend with connections to Homeland Security and we can work to get him detained but she doesn't want that. She swears that he does have battery charges against him and another offense will be the end of it. She begged me not to do anything, so I guess I'm going to respect that. Gosh, it's hard because it forces me to worry, just her being around him.
The good news is that with her alcoholic related charges the courts are forcing her to do a year of counseling along with some other classes.
Thank you all again for your support,
Brock
That is a big step....And glad she is going to be forced into counseling..maybe they can do for her what she hasn't been able to do for herself.
Help her escape!