All I've ever wanted is to live a "normal", boring life. I understand the fear and how hard it is to just function. In here to listen and talk if you'd like to. Take care.

hey you can talk to me. I don't know much about this illness,but I do know much about serious depression. I have experienced it. It is really tough living a normal life like that. But I think you can fight it and get better. If you need to talk im here

Zoe, do you have Major Depressive Disorder with Psychosis? Don't tell people your Psycho...you'r not. Do you have auditory and visual hallucinations? you hear and see people who aren't there? It sounds like that's what you're saying.

Its a difficult illness to manage, I don't think your Psychiatrist is patching you up, he's trying to get your medications right and get you stable, but it can take time to get them at the right combination and at the right level. While your still a teenager your brain is still growing and develping, and this Mental Illness is caused by, among other things a Chemical Imbalance in your Brain...as you grow to an age, around 19 or 20, when your brain is fully developed and the chemical's stabilize, it may become easier for your Pdoc (psychiatrist) to keep your medications stable. Do you see a Therapist regularly so you have someone to talk to about the hallucinations and the depression. Group therapies with people your age and your Illness can help a lot also, that way you don't feel so alone, like you're the only one that had to deal with this. Hon you are not alone, there are many people that deal with this Illness, okay, you're not alone. It's a hard Illness to handle and you're doing it, your making it day to day, that's a really good thing. Talk to your Pdoc or Therapist and find out of there is an OutPatient group that meets somewhere close to you. If you had support of others in Real Time that deal with the same things you are, it might be easier to deal with it everyday.

If your hallucinations are "static" meaning are the they same figure every time, then you can teach yourself to kind of accept that they are there, and that they don't have to be so scary. It's never easy to have hallucinations, I understand that, but if its the same figure each time, you can get to where you recognize it and after the initial shock comes, you get kind of like, "yeah I know who you are, your not real, you can hang there and yell like an idiot, I may have to see you and hear you, but I don't have to be scared of you, I can ignore you for now" and make yourself think of a positive memory, something happy, like a vacation with your family or something that happened when you were young, something happy and positive that will keep your attention and make the black figure of the hallucination not be so present in your mind.

None of this is easy, but it seems like you have some strength and your facing it and getting through it....keep doing that okay. Stay strong, don't let the depression win. Things do get better, you just have to be strong and not let it take over...just have an "i'm gonna kick it's ass" mentality and be strong.

Take care,
Kat

Hey kat,
Yes I do have a therapist that I see every week and psychiatrist to tone down the effects but they are still pretty vibrant. Yes i have auditory and visual hallucinations for the past 4 years to my difficult depression. I have tried outpatient and inpatient treatments (inpatient 2 times 1 week at a time because of attempted suicide, and outpaient for 3 months) i understand its not easy but im just easily scared by most things and always on edge about whats about to come my way.

yeah, it's hard when you have the auditory/visual hallucinations....kinda makes you jumpy. I've had BiPolar Severe Suicidal Depression for 28 years, been inpatient 5 times, last time was in 2010 for 3 months, and did ECT (electric shock therapy) because I'd done every other therapy, every med...and was just done. Didn't want to be suicidal, but just waking up and breathing was too hard.... ECT gave me my life back. I've been on a cocktail of psych meds for 28 years, and have literally been in Therapy every month for 28 years....a long time...but BiPolar has no cure, just treatment...so I have to treat it to be Stable. I have 2 grown sons, 19 & 27. I used to have visual hallucinations, and it took a long time to get to where I wasn't always scared...they were always in my right peripheral vision, I could see a dark shadow, then when I'd turn to see it, it'd be gone. I was a very jumpy person for a few years. Finally I did a 9 month DBT course, learned to re-train my brain to think differently, to re-focus itself on other things and I was able with those skills and meds to make the hallucinations stop.

I know this is incredibly hard and scary and it just royally sucks.....but it can get better. I just wanted to let you know you weren't alone, that others go through this stuff.

Hi! Have you talked to your doctor about your medications not working? Please do not stop taking your medications because they are vital to your health and well being. It takes time for your symptoms to be relieved but with the proper medication it can be helped. That’s why you should tell your doctor what is going on. Psychotic depression is very serious, I guess you know that. So please talk with your doctor and take care of yourself. You are very important.