You've got to try and see your own worth and not try to please them. Sounds like you're doing well for yourself so far, so you don't need anyone else's approval. In some peoples eyes nothing you do will ever be good enough no matter how well you do for yourself.

I understand what you're saying. It's just hard because I try to show her respect at all times. I'm old fasioned and believe in respecting my elders. I lost my father when I was 18 so she is my only parent. I'm just tired of being unhappy.

Have you tried explaining to her how you feel?

" I don't understand what is wrong with me." At a guess I'm thinking you fail to appreciate yourself, it is more important to you to be appreciated by others instead.

Your parents are toxic and, are most likely for the reason why you are.

I've just read that depressed people exaggerate the negatives whilst minimalizing the positives, is this what you do?

I was involved in a situational depressive relationship sometime back, and I am unable to remember any positive aspects of it at all, it was all doom and gloom for as long as it lasted.

Might I suggest you cut ties with your parents for three months and see if it is they who contribute most to your negative well being. You are too smart to be depressed, leading me to believe that it is external forces mostly at play as to the reason why you are.

Yes, I've tried to tell her how I feel but she gets defensive and acts worse. My dad passed away before I graduated high school. I definitely don't appreciate myself... I have almost no self esteem or self worth. And a lot of people say they don't understand why I don't because "I'm a beautiful woman" but to me it's deeper than what I look like. I try really hard to look at the positives... but of all people in the world, I crave my mom's approval the most. It's sad because I think the world of her and i dont feel like I matter in her world. She's my mom. I don't have a dad anymore. I don't have the heart to be aggressive in telling her how much it hurts me. She doesn't care or listen. But some days she acts like I'm her best friend. And others she puts me down at family events in front of everyone.

me and mum have never really got along partly for the same reason, as a result I haven't spoken to her in years. She's tried reaching out a few times since mainly because I think she feels guilty about things. Maybe you could try and distant yourself from her a bit, it might make her feel guilty about how she treats and finally start to appreciate you more

Your mom is unwell, and I'm almost certain that the reason why you are unwell is because she has made you so. There are two types of beauty, inner and outer, I have never met you, but I don't need to to know you ooze inner beauty, you are a class act and one whom should be very proud of herself, I urge you therefore to do so post haste.

Here's the thing. I read a story about some kid put in a rubber room. He bounced around and had a great time in there, and they looked at him and shook their heads and said 'see how mad he is?'

If you are marshmallow, you can't complain if someone mushes you. If you don't want to be mushed, you have to grow some defined edges. If you don't want to be bounced around on, then don't be spongy.

It would probably only take one big argument with mum to set some boundaries, but for as long as you set no boundaries she will be thinking you see the best in what she's saying, see it from her point of view. And of course no criticism of you hurts HER. So she will never realise. Ever.

You're basically going to have to get real. And at 31, I think it's probably a good time. Get honest. Tell her the truth. Push back, in short.

And if you want their acceptance, you have to earn their respect. Growing boundaries and enforcing them will cause your parents to respect you, and begin to trust you. They will feel safer and more comfortable with you when you respond to them and show them where your edges are.

And so will you.

It sounds like either your mom or you (or both) are still dealing with grief issues. Sometimes grief is overlooked as we "try to carry on" with our lives.

It doesn't matter how long it had been. Losing your Dad at any age is a devastating life altering event for both you and your mother. It is Hiroshimic for a woman to lose her husbsnd to death or a child to lose their father and most of society doesn't have a clue how devastating and life altering it really is.

I'm so tired of hearing people being labelled "toxic" when they are brokenhearted. So little compassion out there for those who are truly broken inside.

And grief has no time limit. Lots of people say we should "just get over it". I miss my dad more than ever and it has been 8 years now. It still hurts and affects my life today. Maybe find a grief support group for yourself that will give you a safe place to allow deeper grief to surface and be expressed. There are physical agents of healing in our tears and there may be more things you may want to do in his memory.

When you start to heal in deeper grief issues, you will be able to help your mom. She may not realize there is still frozen grief there too and the heartache she carries seeps out in wrong ways.

Most people don't understand brokenheartedness so they tromp on people who may come across as abrasive.

Start with your long standing grief issues and then see if that doesn't help change some things.

When you are calm you can respectfully discuss how she makes you feel. Even ask your mom "how can I be a better daughter to you?" DON'T GIVE UP!

My mom and dad weren't married, nor together when he passed away. She has another husband now... they were friends when he passed but that's all. Hers and my relationship was not the best my whole life. Even before he passed. It's like she has to compete with everything I say and do. So I get quiet and shut down. Then she freaks out when I get quiet. I don't understand. When my dad passed, she wouldn't even take us to the funeral to say goodbye or anything. She didn't even go. I didn't drive yet at this point. I've been "kicked out" of the family several times since I graduted. I struggle deeply with this.

I hope you are paying attention to PeteMason and Bridgie101's insightful posts. You seem to be stuck on what's wrong with me. If you're the person you claim to be, try to think more rationally.

It's clear your mother has issues, and like Pete mentions, you've inherited them partially. You are 31 so it's time to let her know you're quite capable, as Bridgie refers to. It doesn't require an argument or even a confrontation to let her know that you find her actions displeasing, and you will no longer allow them.

This is how the conversation goes:
"Mum I love you and I feel like we're best friends, but when you say something like that, or put me down in front of people, my world comes crashing down on me, and it hurts like hell when you do it.

So, from now on, anytime you do it, I'm going to take my leave. I won't utter a word, I will just get up and go home. I love being around you but when you treat me like this, it's the last place I want to be."

It works like a charm, but you have to be forthright and unwavering. If she comes back with, "but I only want what's best for you." Respond with, "then please find a nice way of saying it. I can't tolerate that type of communication anymore. I know you don't want to offend me but that's what happens when you correct me. Can I have a hug?"

I'm going to make a recommendation and I hope you don't take offence to it. You would benefit from seeing a therapist to help you understand why your mother reacts how she does towards you, and why you are in constant need of her approval. A few months in front of a good therapist can unlock all those years of mystery for you, and put an end to future conflicts. But you have to want it.

Wishing you well.

Well said LENOIRE, I couldn't have said it any better myself, well, to be honest, I couldn't have said it at all.

I went through this in my life with the "woman that gave birth to me" (she was never worthy enough to hold the mom title). I tried to be close to her until I had enough of her craziness/mental abuse which made me crazy so I cut her off for good. Some people probably think that may be harsh, but there's a time when you have to live for you and keep your own sanity/peace even if that means cutting off family members.