Hello,

I am wondering if I can ask the community for some peer advice about a decision that I am looking to make-how do you know when it's time for a new therapist?  I have had the same one for four years, and it has worked well.  However, I am seeing lately that things are shifting and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.  To be specific, I feel that my depression, which was mostly under control, took a sharp turn for the worse early this summer, in early June. There were a few things that happened that kicked it off and put me into a spiral of depression. Typically, this is how it happens. I take meds and it seems to me that it's a bit cyclical, and even seasonal where it worsens in the spring/summer. This year, there were various things that started it. I have even gotten to the point of more frequent suicidal ideation. Even though some of my dreams came true this summer, there were some stressors that went with it, and I started to isolate. Instead of my usual going out, I would stay home on Friday and Saturday night and lay in bed because I was simply so tired.

Here is the problem: I feel that my therapist just doesn't care, just doesn't give a rat's ass.  I feel like her attitude has changed, and that she possibly feels like we have been together too long.  My issues are chronic so I'm in and out of therapy. At the beginning of the summer, she asked me about how I felt about our work together and whether we should be winding down. It seemed alright to me, as I was fine at the moment. She said, "do you want to meet once a month instead of twice a month?"   Honestly if you are going to meet once a month, why do it at all?  We only did two hours a month, so it was not very intensive work anyway. Winding down would have been alright by me, but shortly thereafter some major things occurred and things really hit the fan over the summer. I was under the impression that she was going out of the country for vacation, but it turns out that was not the case. She said she was going to Europe and when I saw her after a month, it turns out she didn't go after all-and that her trip was in fall. I feel like maybe she said this on purpose to keep me at bay.  During that month, I went so far down into depression I was having real trouble coming out of it.  I feel on some level that if she had been here for the bi-weekly session that this might not have happened.

When I went in for my most recent appointment, she was very late.  We started fifteen minutes late and then she abruptly ended the session right on time, so it was cut short. It was very abrupt, I thought. She grabbed the calendar and headed to the desk while I was in the middle of talking. This really upset me because it is a real waste of my time and money, and I was waiting on her. Usually, if she is that late, she will extend past the hour to make up for the lost time. I usually watch my time so that I can fit what I need to in the time alloted. I was talking about something important to me and she just got up out of her chair. 

I actually terminated working with someone a long time ago because of the severe lateness. That therapist was so late the appointments were cut to 25 minutes. This, on top of meeting only two hours a month is simply not working for me. I think what is happening is that some of my issues are the same ones. There are some things that have improved in my life, and others that are unfortunately getting worse. And maybe from her perspective, this might not be worth it.

I understand this being in a helping profession myself, where you feel like what you are doing has no impact. To be fair, I've worked extremely hard throughout therapy. As most of my problems are vocational-during our time in therapy I took the bull by the horns and went back to school and graduated. What is intensifying my depression is that I am now unable to find work, and I am fast going into debt as I am basically underemployed.

I don't think she fullly grasps the reality of my problem. She may have at one point, but it is not hard to sense when someone has a lack of interest/investment in a purpose or cause-and in this case this cause is me. Sounds bad, but she is older and may be ready to retire. Maybe she is winding down.  Maybe I need to find someone motivated and dedicated, or earlier in their career and someone who has the energy to care. Maybe she is burnt out. I know I'm probably a hard case. I'm in a difficult situation. But-these professionals are paid A LOT of money and that is their job-to deal with difficult and stressful situations. After all, doctors, etc. get paid for a reason. It's not an easy job. If I were easy to work with and be around, well then, I would not need therapy...that is the point of therapy.  My issues are not suited to discuss with friends and relatives. They simply don't have the training and therapy is not the funtion of friendship anyway.