Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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meggg22
meggg22

I have struggled with things for a long time, I don't even known what to call it. I wasn't even sure what group to write in about this. But I feel lack of personality, and maybe that seems like a silly thing to be upset about. but sometimes I get lost in the thought that im empty, I'm just a shell. All I do on this planet is wonder is go through the motions, just doing what I have to do to get to the next day. I feel hobbies can really connect you with people and make you happy. But I lack the connection and the happiness. When I do connect with people is feels as though it is because I just adapt to what they enjoy, I say to myself yeah I like that band too. But then I see that persons passions always more than my own. This adaption that I do happens often and it feels like an allusion, like for awhile maybe I found my passion, but then it dies out. I have no real drive for anything. All I do is go to monotonus jobs that I have like being a secretary and working in a grocery store, then I go home and watch netflix. I feel like I desperately need to live vicariously through the tv shows. This makes me so sad I can't even explain. When I sit and really think over my emptiness is seems to explain all me issues in life. Why I dont feel like my friends are real, why I think I dont fit in with people, why I've never had a relationship where I actually cared about the other person and vice versa. I think people can see through me, they can recognize that I'm a fake and I have no substance. Every once and awhile I'll convince myself I'm really into, painting, movies, yoga, music etc. But then I look around and the people who truely do show passion for these things and I see clearly that its just a temporary distraction. And then after awhile I stop whatever i was trying to convince myself of and I stop doing the thing and I go back to obsessively watching netflix. I don't know what to do to stop this endless circle. I want to, "find myself" as cheesey as it may sound. But it's true, becuase honestly this numbing will never go away. It will get hidden by work and school, but it will always be there, haunting me. 


Does anyone else experience this? Or knows what I can do to try to change?

invisablefriend
invisablefriend
You’re never faking it because it’s you doing whatever you’re doing at the time.
Life is just so many hours or minutes (per person) divided into days that, it’s your choice to fill with whatever you feel like doing. Working at a job, going to school, yoga class, surfing at the beach, getting married going to funerals, etc. Instead of seeking a passion just choose how you want to spend your 12 hours you might get for today.
Scaredandafraid
Scaredandafraid
You might even be overthinking the tasks. Questioning whether or not they are for you versus just doing it and taking it for what its worth. I know what you mean to feel like a shell and I'm sure you enjoy certain things to a point but you see the passion and seriousness of others and think that you are supposed to be that passionate too. That isn't the case. I LOVE playing guitar. Always have. Do i do it as often as a person who loves it would? No. Doesn't mean i don't enjoy it. I don't think many people have that super excited drive and want to do most things. They just do them because they like doing it. You aren't empty. And maybe you focus so much on everyone else and others lives you don't know how to live your own. Do those things you enjoy (or think you do) and don't wonder if you should be our if your dedicated enough. Just do
meggg22
meggg22
thank you both for this. its helpful to hear, or read i guess. I do enjoy many things, but i dont do them often. And I know its not good to compare myself to others but i feel like its so easy to do. And i envy the passion people have for things. I want that, a passion, a thing to live for. Ive been trying to find something but it never seems to stick.
Scaredandafraid
Scaredandafraid
At some point you will have something. But don't try to have a passion, just let it happen. Most people don't develop a passion for something until later down the road doing it
BeautifulRealm
BeautifulRealm
It is OK not to have a passion. There is no need to compare with your friends who have a passion. I also know people who don't have a passion. I also don't have a passion for anything. Maybe we are too busy with work or family or simply too tired after work and family or we dont have time to have any passion.

Rather than thinking about passion, may I suggest that you consider doing things which give you a bit of happiness or an uplift? Maybe you can write down the things to do which can give you happiness or uplift and slowly do them one by one. Doesn't have to be big things like travelling. Could be small things like taking a stroll in the park today, cooking your favourite food tomorrow, going to the mall the next day after etc.
Restful
Restful
I don’t mean to sound cynical, but little things you don’t even notice can be something you love to do. For instance, watching Netflix seems to be something you really enjoy. If it brings you pleasure to watch movies, then you can count that as one of the things you’re passionate about. A passion doesn’t always equal a talent or some extravagant achievement. I am pretty passionate about great tasting food and fine coffee. No, I’m not a chef, and I’m not a barista, but those little things add positive experiences to my daily life. There are mundane, empty experiences like work, but there are also other parts to life we sometimes overlook that can bring a little joy here and there.
Ncoover
Ncoover
You are not fake by any means. It sounds like you have a lot of symptoms of depression, which makes it natural you struggle finding joy in things. It is important for you to be able to find yourself. And no that isn't cheesey, we all need to do it at some point or multiple points in our lives. I would love to talk more about potential ways i can support you with that.
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