Depression Support Group
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I'm currently really struggling to come to terms with my past self. I cannot forgive myself for my previous behaviour and I feel like I'm constantly reminded of all of the stupid things I did and people I hurt. I find myself not wanting to leave my room, and avoiding contact with people wherever I can. When I'm at work I feel like I'm going to burst into tears every 5 minutes and I struggle to get through the day. No one at work knows how I feel.
I used to be a very different person. I used to be unstable, reckless, and honestly, stupid. I used alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism to the depressive emotions I was encountering and as a result this led to terrible mistakes, decisions I will regret forever (or it feels that way at the moment) and severe anxiety problems.
I feel completely unworthy of love and friendship with anyone, I don't believe I deserve it because of my past. I'm terrified of losing all of the people around me but also wouldn't blame them if they left. Most nights I get around 3/4 hours of sleep due to overthinking and replaying past situations over and over in my head.
if anyone has any advice on how to forgive yourself, and move on from the past it would be much appreciated. I've been to therapy before, and also been on medication for depression. I'm trying really hard to figure this out on my own but I'm running out of ideas and I seem to feel worse each day.
This is very important news and I admire that you are not in denial and admit your faults. And we all have them. Amazingly, I survived living within a family and community of dastardly folks, where no person even so much as tried to be the proverbial "brother's keeper." Yet you are actively trying to regenerate a better person in yourself. So please feel a measure of pride for your efforts.
The question(s) here: have you tried a clean, full confession to those you may have offended? Another idea is to verbally speak out loud about these problems? You see, clearing up problems in our lives it is well also to go to the bottom and confess all the transgressions so that your efforts to change begins with no half-truths, no pretense, no unclean residue of old past issues onhand, some things that may easily nag you with aggressive thoughts and sleepless nights; all of which is a measure of pride, and not so much of shame or guilt. And it never hurts to cling to a Higher Power than yourself.
I suggest speaking with the people you have or MAY have offended, then, if no person will chat with you, out of their own anger or disappointments, try speaking out loud while in private your problems and plans of change. You may also write out the picture of the ideal you, one of humility and sorrow, and this is the evidence of a humble heart, and which I doubt you've done anything so grievous that you may not induce a kind spirit, one of which is uncluttered with mental anguish.
Keep in mind that all folks are accountable and will answer for sins. And the spirit is often willing but the flesh is indeed weak, which weakness is very difficult, yet not impossible to overcome. You are doing well at it! Please don't punish yourself any further; defuse the temptation to find blame. You are not trying to hide your faults anymore, certainly, you deserve credit for trying.
Best of the day to you.
Thank you so much for your kind words and helpful suggestions. Unfortunately I have no ways or means of reaching out to some of the people in question. However I will definitely try speaking out loud regarding my issues. I often find saying things out loud difficult but I can definitely see how this could be helpful.
Thank you again♥️
I was a one person wrecking ball for most of my life, I caused a lot of damage and hurt everywhere I went. I have made amends to the people I hurt. Some were gracious and forgiving, some told me to go to hell and stay there. I can't change the past, but I can remember and not repeat my mistake moving forward.
Time really does heal "most" wounds. You are not alone :)
Try talking to people like you have on here it could help, why not make new friends here at least you know we all care.
Hello, Seeking
Have you ever seen the movie that was made about Frank Abernathy? Egregious Fraudster to FBI agent for over 40 years.
Presently CBT and online group meetings are helping a lot from smart recovery.
Have a great day.