Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
That's how I feel right now. Today isn't a good day at all. I haven't really posted anything in any of the groups for a while because I was okay, I was dealing with my things and I was doing really good. I got over depression a year or so ago, or at least learned how to keep it at bay, deal with things and not feel depressed and it felt so good to just be able to handle it on my own and not get to that low point. And now, I'm struggling to even find reasons to keep going. This time of year always gets to me now though. Christmas hasn't been that joyful, magical holiday that it used to be when I was a kid and new years isn't that fun time of celebrating with family or friends. I used to love both of these things back then. Now there's none of those things. No joy. No magic. Just emptiness and longing for it all to be over and done with.
For the first time in I don't even know how many years, I want to feel that physical pain of self harming. That placebo comfort from all those years ago where, as morbid or weird as it sounds, it felt like everything bad that I was feeling just followed that little stream of blood out of my system. Right at this moment where I'm half laying on the couch, intense, physical agony washing over me and extreme emotions are clouding my mind and leaving me helpless like a child, I want to die. It's all that comes to mind clearly. That I want out. I can't sleep, I can't eat without feeling and being sick now. I don't want to do this anymore. Lifeless. Helpless. Hopeless. Useless. Unworthy. Just another waste of space in this world. My chest hurts from the inside. Like there's some creature or thing inside of it hurling itself against my ribcage, time and time again, just wanting to get out and escape. My lifeline for the past year and a half has been these three cats that I've been taking care of for a friend of mine that moved away. They've depended on and needed me. Soon they'll be moving back to her and my biggest reason here to not actually taking that final step out into oblivion will be gone. If I'll be able to keep holding on for a little while longer after they're gone, maybe things will look up. At least I can fake a smile for some time.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
But I am here if you need to talk, vent or at at a breaking point and scared what you might do.
Because I know how you feel xxx
Keep talking to us. We understand and we want to listen and try to help. Big hugs.
hugs
Manda xx
-lots of hugs
-hugs
Remember that life is a series of ups and downs and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Today might be a bad day but tomorrow may be completely better so hang in there. The best thing you can do when feeling down is to talk to a close friend or relative. Never go through depression alone!
God Bless