Sounds like you need to feel like telling your parents you need some help and get to a Pscyhiatrist to be diagnosed and put on a treatment plan. If your having that severe of a reaction just to a set of new cutlery, that's a problem. Talk to your parents and tell they you need professional help.

I agree. You need to reach out and get some help. There are many here on DS who "get help." I am one of them.

I agree with the comments above but you also need to realize “taken1836” those thoughts you are thinking are called intrusive thoughts. It happens to me. I see knifes, scissors whatever sharp dangerous object, immediately negative thoughts are attracted. Remind yourself they’re just thoughts, your hands and feet are controlled by another part of the brain, so whatever you end up doing is a decision you make twice. The thought of doing it and then telling your motor functions to do it. You’re stronger than that. The first one will get you a lot of the times. But you have full power over the second. If you get the knife in your hand and the whispers say “do it” snap out of it and put that knife right back where you got it from using the hands that picked it up subconsciously.

It’s never worth it to harm yourself or others. Never. There is no benefit to anyone, especially yourself. If your parents aren’t good listeners, find someone that is and befriend them. Find someone that is open minded and willing. You find these people at coffee shops, libraries, shopping malls opportunities are endless you need to make the effort.

Lastly, do listen to profesional advice. I was skeptic at first but when I went to see someone and told them everything I was thinking, they listened and provided reasoned responses. If you can’t afford it, seek out a government clinic and ask to speak with the psychiatrist. Whatever it takes to mentally feel at ease or at least manage those negative thoughts because I get it they happen, but trust me, life is much better when you just accept them for what they are which is simply “thoughts” they come and go, just let the bad ones roll away because when you give into the bullies game they end up just moving on to the next. I know that sounds bizarre regarding to your thoughts, but that’s what those negative thoughts basically are, whispers from a bully telling you to do stupid things just like he/she would.

Good luck to you friend, you don’t know me personally and I don’t know you but I wish you the best sincerely because everyone matters in this world, just find your passion and stick to it, happiness matters far more than material things! Peace and Love!