The last time I had a date was a year ago.  Shortlly after I had that date, I had a hookup (sorry if TMI).  I kind of gave into accepting a hookup because it seems like that is all anyone wants.  It seems hard to find anyone that wants to hang out and do things and 'date' per se.  I accepted the hookup knowing what I was getting into, and then was very upset afterward because I got treated badly afterward.  I mainly have myself to blame for this because accepting 'hookups' probably exposes you to being treated poorly.  In my very young life I was pretty religious and not experienced.  I did not hook up at all for a long time.  In my 30s, I went the other direction and acted kind of wild.  After some time of that, I realized that a series of hookups or short-term dating relationships was not what I wanted after all.  After that, I started working on myself, doing coaching, therapy, etc. and decided to go to a middle ground. I decided I didn't want to do hookups or relationshps that go really fast anymore, so I wanted to slow it down and just get to know someone, date and hang out.

Anyway, I went to a singles' party last weekend, and met someone I really liked. He was attractive and I liked our conversation, and I liked it that he is a musican, as I am into music.  I felt like we clicked. The only thing that I was not totally comfortable with was that he was starting to ask me about explicit fantasies.  It was mildly amusing but I was slightly uncomortable. I participated in the conversation to an extent but didn't really want to. I think he noticed this and said that I seemed reserved.  I do come off that way, but the reality is that for a period of my life I was anything but reserved so I'm not proud of this. I am more reserved these days as I am trying to filter out some things, not get lovebomed, and I have been involved with narcissistic relationships. I had said that I was not looking for hookups.

Anyway, he texted me Sunday saying that he would like to set up a date. I was excited about this and said great, call me later this evening and we can figure out a place and time. So he calls, we are in the conversation, and suddenly it gets way too quiet...I'm like, 'hello....?'  then he suddently says, "well we had a pretty deep conversation this weekend" I was not sure what he was referring to, then he said, "I want to talk about_______I've been thinking about it all weekend."  (the explicit topic that he was bringing up) He had said that he and his ex would share fantasies and so this is what he wanted to talk about...I mean I literally just met this guy. And no I don't want to hear about his ex. 

I balked and got kind of scared off.  Most of the men that I interact with default to this. Some will actually date you, and some will just move it to something else-fast. I am not celibate nor do I intend to be, however I'm not going to fast forward anything. I said, "yeah, I don't want to have a se**ual conversation, I would like to get to know you.  What are you looking for?" He said that he was looking for a long-term relationship.  Then he accuses me of being too reserved. I said, "I don't know you."  I mean like what is he expecting here?? So I said, why dont' you text me the time and venue of the date.  He texted earlier that day claiming that he would like to set up a date and the conversation was anything but about dinner.

Anyhow, I never heard from him again. I don't know why I feel so bad. Obviously it's a good thing that I am not hearing from him.  In the past, I have given into this kind of stuff to keep the relationship. The irony is, these fast-paced types of things always crash and burn, so maybe it's better I said something up front.

I'm older, not in my 20s. I seem to remember dating being different before, or at least that is just me, I thought it was common sense that if you were trying to just get a female into bed immediately, it would offend most girls right off the bat. Maybe not.

I used to think in my teens or early 20s I would wait for marriage, obviously I didn't do that and I'm not sure that is even realistic or desirable.  I still attend church, but less so and my spiritual beliefs are more flexible.

I'm not clear on why someone is not able to wait a few months, or at least a few dates. I honestly think this is why my relationships never progressed to the long term stage-they went way too fast and in some cases (one) I was dating a narcissist. To an extent, I view this person's behavior as narcissistic and entitled.

Just so frustrated and upset at the turn of events. I was not invited to a friend's party for the 4th, and the guy I was interested in ditched me. I wish I didn't feel so bad but I do, today. It's going to be a quiet fourth.