I'm not sure what's up with me, but I'm feeling blah. I think I'm primarily upset about not having or finding a relationship. It's been like 3.5 years, almost four, since my last one. Sometimes I still think about him.  Apparently he moved out of state now, it really shouldn't make a difference, but it bugs me.  I just don't seem to be able to find anyone else that I click with. I got asked out a couple of times in the past week, which was nice, but the guys were just so far out of my age range that it really would not have worked.  It felt uncomfortable. I feel bad for even for just not being interested, but I don't think it pays to try to talk yourself into being interested, it just doesn't work.  I am just not sure how many more chances I have.

Money is tight. I'm a fulltime student.  I keep thinking that I've found work, and then the start date just gets pushed down the line. Sometimes some of my friends don't text me back lately.  These things grate on my nerves and bother me.  My family doesn't know I'm a fulltime student because I'm not sure that they would approve.  My cousin doesn't seem to want to talk to me either and that bothers me. I keep feeling like there are some things that I would like to text her and then I don't, because I think, why bother, she doesn't care anyway.

I know that a lot of this is negative. I went to my support group tonight and it was fine, I like the facilitator, but I specificallly said that I didn't want judgment (aka comments/feedback) on some of my topics from the other group members. Basically crosstalk. I got it anyway. It irritated me so much. I said that I specifically said I didn't want this esp. on a particular topic, whey are you doing this?  I felt better after talking with the facilitator and like I resolved some stuff, and then this lady just launched in with all of this advice dumping.  Things weren't working well in my particular situation and I just wanted to discuss it. When I get told how I am supposed to resolve and fix things it makes me feel like I am failing more like I just can't get anything right.  I was feeling better at the end and then it was like she rained on my parade.