Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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imiru 09/15/2016

Lately I've been trying to be there for my boyfriend, well not really boyfriend we've decided to just date and get to know each other better. He had gotten fed up with me letting my depression get the better of me and so he broke up with me. He didnt want to keep hearing me say I felt like dieing some days or how hopeless I felt. I finally realized I was hurting him by talking that way so I've been actively trying to change the way I think and act everyday. Problem is, now he's acting the way I was months ago when I got super depressed. He just says he's emotionally drained whenever I try to talk to him and that he's either gonna hang out with others or just doesnt want to talk. And that is not fair. Even when I was under crippling stress that made me stay up night after night and I felt like my insisdes were being torn to pieces I still made time to sit and talk with him when he was upset or needed to lean on me.

Yes it was unfair that I bottled up my feeliings and didnt share everything that was hurting me but I see that now and I'm learning to control that everyday. I've gotten better at speaking to people and not letting suicidal thoughts cloud my mind. But he doesnt want to see that, he says all the stuff I had said before scared him so bad that all he can think about is me killing myself. I've tried to tell him I dotn think that way anymore that was just me venting how I felt and I've promised many people that I would never EVER kill myself. But he keeps going back to it and how much I've hurt him.

I feel like I'm done with apologizing everyday. I've made progress and I'm proud of myself so I think I should just stop talking to him for a while and let him come to me when he's ready. He's acting as though he's the only one that got hurt by any of this and refuses to see my perspective while I'm the one who has the depression.

Minidogs2 09/15/2016

Proud of you with making progress on changing how you think and posting on this site to get healthy support. Sounds like a good idea to leave him alone and let him decide if he wants to call you or not. Focus on taking care of yourself and feeling better about yourself. I wouldn't keep apologizing to him. Just let it go.

Gladdmatt 09/15/2016

I totally agree with your last paragraph. He didn't want you talking about certain things, and since you've stopped he keeps bringing them up. This is not someone ready for a healthy, 50/50 relationship.

AnxietyFreak40 09/15/2016

Just let him go. You need to focus on getting yourself in a better place. He is only going to drag you down and clearly is unable to provide any support. You can do MUCH better than that! Hugs!

simplymebp 09/15/2016

I agree letting him go is probably a good option at this point. However, my husband has a hard time with my bipolar. He has never been around it and sometimes cant wrap his head around my feelings or my mood swings or why I cant get out of bed and shower sometimes. But I have noticed that explaining it on a level he can kind of understand helps. If you are in a relationship with someone and they cant be supportive or loving or willing to learn about you and your needs then he isn't worth your time anyway!

ThePepperMan 09/15/2016

I think that we all have different strengths on what we can listen to and offer support. As a depressed person I can take conversations that dwell on suicide OK (as long as I'm not really down myself). But I get very uncomfortable if child abuse is discussed (in detail) and am very likely to bail on the conversation.

My guess is that once you and your friend realized his limits (about discussing suicide) the conversations had zoomed way past his limits. Now he is dealing with that overload.

By all means stop apologizing, well perhaps one more where you announce calmly that you are sorry the conversations bothered him, but that it is over and yo will not apologize for it anymore.

Heidiclark 09/15/2016

I agree with Pepperman that your friend reached a point of overload and has not been able to recenter himself and may even feel responsible for keeping you alive. Giving him some space can give both of you a chance to determine where to go from here.

bridgie101 09/16/2016

I think the point here is that he's given you the kick, so he doesn't want to talk. And if you wish to keep talking he's making up stories to get rid of you.

You've broken up. He doesn't want to come to you with anything. He's wanting you to go away.

It hurts to learn that you have actually ruined something and can't get it back. But you have. Never date anyone till you fix the depression. Anyone who likes you in that state is a bad guy. And he doesn't like you in that state.

Ask yourself why you are so invested in turning him around and having another chance with him. I think you'll find it's to do with you and your self esteem.

Being given the kick is a terrible blow and it can take a while to realise it's happened.

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