mal66 I'm so glad you change you mind, not only for yours but for your son. There are a lot of people like us and we need to be here for each other.

"There are a lot of people like us and we need to be here for each other."

I still have dark days and I still struggle to get thru...aside from my son, I also want to be around to help steer others away from the depths of this awful pit of depression...

Why does everyone say that i am not trying to overcome this, it makes me feel so weak, makes me just not want to even try anymore, its like my power is just drained now, i dont know i got to do something fast to get rid of this feeling, sadly only one thing keeps poping up and it always looks good from every angle i dont know why.

My dear young friend, I am hoping to say something at this point to help encourage your wounded heart and spirit. I know you are feeling drained and searching in desperation for an escape from your pain. That is what the illusion of suicide provides to all of us who face the illness of clinical depression. My dear one, know that you are a man, with flesh, bone, heart, soul, and mind. it is just wounded at the moment. Life, some people, or situations, have the potential to beat down on us many times, or seasons, but just as seasons come and go this pain is temporary. Please know that here, you hold strength, comfort, wisdom, power, and all gifts that are given unto man. Your journey could be mixed with challenges to unearth the belief in this strength that resides within you. You simply want to know, feel, and be comforted with relief right now. It is one of the most difficult challenges we can face in life: learning that loving ourselves is possibly the key to all else that you are searching for. I pray, hope, and send positive vibes, that you do not give up on your gift of life, even if it feels to be a curse at the moment. Please know that your life matters, you matter, your struggle matters. isthereanend is here today sharing a story of courage and victory that give me hope to live another day. All of us need that hope. The season will change and you will find what you are TRULY looking for if you do not give up. Then you are never a failure, because you endured. It takes greater strength to stand or even bow in the face of trial than it does to quite. We all have weaknesses, but you are strong because you are here today. No one could ever know just how hard the test of life is for a person to simply wake up the next day with this illness. Something that people who do not face depression could easily take for granted. But you are victorious just by doing this. Wake up tomorrow. no one can take that success from you. You fought the battle to see another day! It will become easier with each attempt. and then build from there. I will admit to you, it takes everything for me just to post this, I am not much for posting. But every step we take can make a difference. Wish you well, with a new name should you choose to identify with it when your ready..."KnowledgeWisdom" there is always freedom in choice.

hold on.

wishing you peace and comfort.

imaniaflur

I not sure what I said to make you wanted to live another day, but I'm glad you did. I love the name you pick for reply member # 11 I refuse to call him the name he goes by. That is so not how he is.

If you need to send me a priveted message, that is fine with me. I hope you have a wonderful day.

A pome I would like to share with every one.

Some people might think you're a straight-shooting chum
and call you a wonderful guy
But the men in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can not look him straight in the eye

He the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear to the end

And you've passed your most dangerous test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.

But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you cheated the man in the glass.

Why do you think you are an idiot, besides wanting to end it all before your life barely has started. If you are 21 years old then you have a lot of living yet to do before deciding to end it all.

Young man, what I see in you avatar is a handsome young man. You said you are a good guy when it comes to women but can't find one. Have you looked in the right places? Hang where "good women" hang out. Try church. In the meantime, like someone else said prepard yourself fiancially for the marriage. Are you ready to comment to a relationship? And, do you think marriage will fix all your problems? It won't you know. Marriage is hard work just like life is. It has it's ups and downs but in the end

time fixes everything.

These are your words coming from one of your post on here. Take it to heart.

Hope everyones day is great, if not then just ok. (HUGS) for everyone

A drowing Rat

I used to have very vivid dreams. I was stuck in hole about 20 feet deep and felt like a drowing rat. I try so hard to get out of that hole. I would look up and could see people at the top just laughing at me. I beg and cry for help, but no one could listen or they choose not to hear. I lost so much weight down there and I could feel my soul slipping away. I beg and cry for help. I scream so lould, someone finaly threw me a line. I tried to grab it but it was to short. I cried my eyes out and felt like that was the end. I felt that way for years and then one day right before I was ready to give up someone throug me a line and I was save.

25 years I I wanted to die. I started therphy and after a year I pop in her office late in the afternoon. She was getting ready to leave because she had to meet someone, She knew I was drunk and drove there and wanted my keys. I refuse to given them to her. I was just sitting in the chair crying and I told her to just fucken go, Nobody cares about me anyway. Sitting there crying my eyes out and feeling so alone. She get up to leave when she got behind the chair she gave me a big her, I never knew she was going to do that. I was so mad because I felt love for the first time in my life. I could feel her love flowing through my body. For one I felt love.