You can find friends here. If you like, you can count me the first.

Why would you want ANYONE who based your worth on your looks?

What a bump deal that is! Really people need to STOP IT with that crap. You're amazing and can get enjoyment from other things. Remember, there is A LOT of bad sex out there. I'm just sayin.

I am here for you in anyway that is poassible! I just sent you a message complaining about my anxiety. It is shear hell to have anxiety like we have but please don't over dose!!!! I have felt like taking a whole bottle of oxy but I know that there is a possibility tomorrow might just be a better day. Love ya kiddo, hang in there. I'm sure trying to.

Hi mystie, recently I went to the suicide hotline website and it has useful and helpful things to read.

I'm sorry that your extended family is so cruel. Shame on them. Serequel is a nasty drug for weight gain. I was on it and Itade me so tired, I asked the dr. To take me off, now I'm on 3 other types of meds for depression and bi-polar disorder. You are not alone in wanting to end your life, but peoples reasons are different...one cmon denominator though is that feeling of worthlessness.

And you aren't, it is the disease of depression talking. If you had cancer, you wd go thru treatments, do you also have to try with depression Bcz it is an illness, your medicines aren't working properly...can you call the dr. Tomorrow? U have to keep trying until you can find some answers, it may not feel like it now but...

Your life does have value and you matter..and your children love you.

Bob thank you for the offer of friendship that is so kind!!

Cypressmoon I completely understand the not wanting to base on looks but I think in reality most ppl do go on looks. No I wouldn't want anyone that couldn't accept me for who I am now. And yes there is a lot of bad sex. Thank you so much for your response. It helps me remember that looks aren't everything.

Joey, you know I love you!!
I sent you a long reply to your message.

Elena thank you for your friendship! New kind and caring friends are great to have.

You are right if I had cancer I would go through treatment. It is just Ive been bad for so long. Pdoc has said he thinks Im treatment resistant. I am looking into a couple of other treatments similar to the 19 treatments of ECT I had 2 years ago.it didnt help. I also am being referred to out Mental Health Hospital and will either be doing intense inpatient or outpatient, which gives me access to a counsellor the same day or next. I am sad I will be losing my awesome pdoc, but hopefully the new one at the hospital will be good

Also, it is so true my kids love me. I have really scared them with my ODing. They dont want me alone now so not much privacy right now

I am so sad and depressed and cant stop crying. I went to Medix college today and felt hopeful, but my dream of going back to school is shattered yet again. You cant do part-time which would give me time to spread out the payments. And it is $11,000 or 1,200 a month for 11 months. I dont understand why family couldnt lend me the money or take out a loan for me.but I realize they dont have to.

I dont know if Ill ever get out of this pit. Ive been on disability for 4 years now. I want to go back to school for a better job and not some dump fucking underpaid overworked retail job.

This just makes me want to kill myself....I just can't cope. What do I have left?. I wont be able to save enough money for years if even that. In October, it is my sons 18th birthday and I will lose government money.child tax benefit, ODSP and CPP.all will be reduced.

I just feel there is nothing left to live for. I dont want to be on disability the rest of my life. I wanted to work towards getting off disability and making good money.

You have alot of life to live & i also would love to be ur friend - looks doesn't matter if they don't love u for whats inside of u then thats there loss not yours.
You have your kids that love u very much, i know what it feels like to live in pain daily - i deal with bone pain etc.... as i am a cancer survior (total 36 years) & still going thru alot u think i don't want to give up at times (yea) but im a fighter so i can be here to help you have alot here that love u for being u - PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP.............it will get better you are stronger than u think you are & there is lite at the end of the tunnel & waiting on the other side is a huge rainbow....
((((Luv,Angel))))..... im here for u anytime..........

I know what that feeling is all too well. I'm here if you need a friend.

Thank you Countrygirl!! It is nice to have friends that can relate to our pain!

I put on a huge amount on Effexor, and it made me feel so down. That's not the only thing, though, as you have so much to deal with. (I do believe that if a man's only interested in your weight he's not worth your time. )

Your family sound like a bunch of genuine charmers! Don't let their ignorance push you to the brink. If you are able, keep your distance, as toxic people are the last thing you need right now.

Sorry you're in such a dark place...Cypress is right about the looks...yeah, it's the first thing people notice usually, but if somebody's gonna base a whole relationship off that, they're a superficial douche who you dont' want to waste your time on.

Have you looked into other colleges? Or online studying? I got my degree almost entirely online...it can be done! Plus, there are a lot of grants out there for 'non traditional' students, for women, and also a lot of professions have specific grants. If there's a college near you that has a career counselor on staff, they have access to all this stuff...and they'll sit down with you even if you're not a student...I believe they'll do it over the phone too :)

Wishing you peace...it WILL get better...it's just slow to get there sometimes...gentle hugs

Juice you are so right my family is toxic. It's nice to know you can relate to the weight gain and the feelings that go with it. Thank you!