It seems like the longer my situation goes on, depression just seems to be really getting intense. I feel like I'm falling into a hole that I can't get out of. The longer I don't find a job the worse I feel.  I don't feel like dating particularly becuase I am not happy with my life and it's hard to try to share aspects of my life with someone else when I really hate what my life is.  I feel extremely disempowered.

For the first time ever I'm not sure if I can pay my rent or car payment.  I have a job but it's sporadic and pays minimum wage.  I got extensive advanced education and it has not helped at all.  I've cleaned out my retirement just to pay my bills and I am middle age.  I rent a house from my family, and I really should have moved out of here by now, I can't afford to do so. My credit cards are run up.  I'm starting to wake up in the middle of the night and before my alarm goes off. The car I bought has turned out to be a lemon, and I have all these payments.  I think I will need to sue and am going to do the paperwork this weekend. I'm actually at a point where I'm unsure if I can get groceries or not.  This is a disaster. I feel like I have no future and that there is little to no hope for me. I'm not sure what the point is. 

I signed up with vocational rehab and it's been just....crickets...very weak follow through, I don't feel it's helpful. I was in a manifestation community but I left because it cost money...and nothing is manifesting. I'm reliant on my family which is somewhat abusive, it puts me in the orbit of my brother who used to hit me.  He is obsessed with being in my life and needs to be out of it. Being around them really activates my PTSD and mental health conditions. The time I was no contact with them for several years my mental health was better than ever. I just want nothing to do with him but I feel stuck because my mom is really old now and since he won't move out of her house the only way I can see her at all is going past him,  he is an absolute narcissistic piece of work. I want to be untangled from all of this and be on my way.  None of this happens without success and decent career.

I lost my therapist due to health insurance change, I have to get all new doctors, it takes hours to get everything set up again. I did get an appointment with a therapist in my area in a couple of weeks. And I'm worried about paying the health insurance premium. My new plan covers none of my old providers.