I was put into the ICU last Thursday due to a severe asthma attack which sent me into respiratory failure. The next day I was weaned off mechanical ventilation and I was in the ICU until Monday night. In this ICU stay I also had open surgery to remove my appendix as it was found to be infected. Now I'm in the general respiratory ward slowly recovering.
It's now over a week later and my boyfriend has come to see me once, and that's because his mum wanted to come past to see how I am.
I feel so put aside in his life. It was more important for him to go get a free basketball with his best mate than to be able to see me. I don't want to seem like I expect to be important, but I feel so worthless.
Because I have been hospitalised so many times, the nurses here know me very well and trust me to take my medication even when they aren't present. Which I do, they unlock my draw, give me all my tablets and leave the room while they tend to other patients because they know that I know how much of each thing I must take. But I've lost all motivation to even remotely care, I don't even want to take them anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to feel valued or that my boyfriend is genuinely concerned, but I don't feel any of that. Even when he visited me in the ICU with his mum, he didn't barely spoke the whole time, it was just his mum and myself.
I don't know if it is his way of dealing with it, but I have been with him for 4 years and he knows that my condition is quite serious. I don't know what to do..
Do your achievements define you? I thought today that if you do not love yourself, then of course you would never pick yourself up. Any individuals need for self love is at it's most when they feel bad about where they are in life. You wouldn't invest in yourself if you don't love yourself. You wouldn't take your life in your own hands if you don't love yourself. To come back to my first...
Everything hurts! Inside I’m a mess. Outside I’m in so much pain its crazy! The pain on the outside makes sense I’m injured and that’s all there is to it. But the pain on the inside I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know what to name it I don’t know what to feel. sometimes it just gets so overwhelming. Tomorrow I have my MRI on my lower lumbar back. And then Friday I...