Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was put into the ICU last Thursday due to a severe asthma attack which sent me into respiratory failure. The next day I was weaned off mechanical ventilation and I was in the ICU until Monday night. In this ICU stay I also had open surgery to remove my appendix as it was found to be infected. Now I'm in the general respiratory ward slowly recovering.
It's now over a week later and my boyfriend has come to see me once, and that's because his mum wanted to come past to see how I am.
I feel so put aside in his life. It was more important for him to go get a free basketball with his best mate than to be able to see me. I don't want to seem like I expect to be important, but I feel so worthless.
Because I have been hospitalised so many times, the nurses here know me very well and trust me to take my medication even when they aren't present. Which I do, they unlock my draw, give me all my tablets and leave the room while they tend to other patients because they know that I know how much of each thing I must take. But I've lost all motivation to even remotely care, I don't even want to take them anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to feel valued or that my boyfriend is genuinely concerned, but I don't feel any of that. Even when he visited me in the ICU with his mum, he didn't barely spoke the whole time, it was just his mum and myself.
I don't know if it is his way of dealing with it, but I have been with him for 4 years and he knows that my condition is quite serious. I don't know what to do..
dump this inconsiderate and immature guy. Do NOT let him steal your happiness. Find THAT kind of happiness with someone who can provide it. Dump him and look FORWARD to giving yourself an even chance.
No discussion, no attempt to 'change him', no arguments ... just dump him.
If he's older...dump him now.
If he's 18, consider how he treats you outside of the hospital. Respect or not?
Has he come to visit you on his own before? Does he have his own car? Or way to get there?
In general, high school aged kids don't visit their friends a lot in the hospital, for a number of reasons (school, sports, studying all are prior commitments) That changes a lot in the next few years.
The one "excuse" for immaturity, is being of an age when it's normal to be immature.
I had to explain to him that on Thursday they even called my mum back to the hospital because they didn't think I was going to make it that night, his only response was that he hopes that I like the valentines present he bought me.
I can usually predict what he's thinking about something, but I really have no clue what goes through his head when I'm unwell. Last year I went through respiratory failure as well but this time my heart was also letting out and I thought this time he'd understand or at least acknowledge how it could've been.
I had 6 IV's in keeping my heart going and my blood pressure up just enough and I was being mechanically ventilated and I was crying because of all the pain, even that didn't seem to phase him.. I'm not really sure what it will take for him to notice.
I have watched him become more mature over the years of my relationship with him, so I have no doubt in at least a few years he will look back and notice this was a time I really needed him by my side.
I'm not too sure how to bring up with him how this has made me feel because he does typically turn it around and make it seem like he is the "victim" one way or another. And I always end up apologising for making him feel like dirt about himself.
There's a part of me that feels as though I should bring him to a few of my psychologist sessions, it could be beneficial I suppose.
I sometimes wonder if he's upset and it's made him shut down?
Have you actually given instructions on how he can help you?
Not talking with mum present sounds pretty normal for younger people
As I said, it could be his coping mechanism, I'm not 100% sure. But it'd be nice for him to do something that'll benefit me for a change, even if he isn't completely comfortable with it because I'm always doing that for him.
Even today he decided not to visit me because 'his mum is busy.' He later admitted he just can't be bothered doing anything today. I'm really not sure..
I spoke to him about the idea of couple counselling and he seems somewhat open to it. I said it's not because we have problems, but it's because we are making our way into the adult world with our relationship and our own selves and it'll be nice to have set out time to be able to talk openly in a good environment for it.
Or not.