I was put into the ICU last Thursday due to a severe asthma attack which sent me into respiratory failure. The next day I was weaned off mechanical ventilation and I was in the ICU until Monday night. In this ICU stay I also had open surgery to remove my appendix as it was found to be infected. Now I'm in the general respiratory ward slowly recovering.
It's now over a week later and my boyfriend has come to see me once, and that's because his mum wanted to come past to see how I am.
I feel so put aside in his life. It was more important for him to go get a free basketball with his best mate than to be able to see me. I don't want to seem like I expect to be important, but I feel so worthless.
Because I have been hospitalised so many times, the nurses here know me very well and trust me to take my medication even when they aren't present. Which I do, they unlock my draw, give me all my tablets and leave the room while they tend to other patients because they know that I know how much of each thing I must take. But I've lost all motivation to even remotely care, I don't even want to take them anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to feel valued or that my boyfriend is genuinely concerned, but I don't feel any of that. Even when he visited me in the ICU with his mum, he didn't barely spoke the whole time, it was just his mum and myself.
I don't know if it is his way of dealing with it, but I have been with him for 4 years and he knows that my condition is quite serious. I don't know what to do..
I have to say I naturally have a high sex drive because I have Bipolar Disorder. But one of the main symptoms that I get is Depression. And when I am feeling depressed and not feeling good. I don't have any desire or interest in sex it goes right out the window. But my medication isn't doing this to me because sometimes I feel fine and desire sex. But lets face it who feels sexy when they are...
I did to do the dishes and I just dont want to or have the motivation to get them done I want them done i just done I just dont know.