I just need to vent. I am extremely depressed. So bad as to I even been having bad thoughts. My mind wonders on how to kill myself lately. I don't think I would try, I tried several times in my adolescence. but not in ten+ years. I'm finding it harder and harder to care about anything. I am beyond stressed with no relief in site. I have agoraphobia and having a hard time dealing with my kids and having to take them to school daycare doctors. I am dying inside with all this forced human interaction I have to do. I'm in constant panic mode. I have been extremely panicked at work lately. I been really stressed since my mother in law moved in 3 weeks ago. Her and her daughter and dog. I have ocd as well and these people are packrats and dirty. they do try and help but it just upsets me worse. they put dishes away wet(yikes ever heard of mold spores). Clutter is everywhere. every time I put something anywhere it gets moved and misplaced. I'm not poor enough to qualify for government assistance but poor enough I cant afford to feed me my kids and boyfriend, let alone 2 extra adults who are quite pigs. They have no qualms about digging in for seconds or thirds. They stay up all times of the night causing my daughter to not want to sleep. In turn she keeps me awake half the night when I have to be up aty 530 every weekday morning. it could just be the sleep deprivation talking, but its taking hold. I've successfully ran off the few (and I mean few) friends who I had because I just cant smile I just cant laugh. In fact I keep breaking down crying over everything. I really am in bad mental shape with no one to talk to and it sucks. its a shame going thru life just simply wishing you didn't exist. even now I'm feeling I'm better off dead, I just don't have what it takes to actually do it.