I got to a really bad place with my depression this weekend. I'll try to make a long story short, if I can. It just seems like one thing is piling on top of another. I've had a nearly impossible time finding full time work and I've been underemployed. In the meanwhile, I've been looking hard for something full time in my new tech field, nothing coming up. If anyone remembers before, I had finally gotten a job but they were refusing to pay me, a contractor, I had to leave.  It was devastating for me to have the opportunity fold this way. Eventually I did get paid after going above the boss' head. It propelled me into a financial crisis this August. 

Unbelievably, just a few weeks later, all of my financial accounts were hacked-four of them. There was a massive data breach at my credit union, someone got all the usernames and passwords. I had been unable to access them for weeks or see what is going on.  I am partly suspicious that it had to do with the prior job, as they had my passport info and tried to disappear when it came time to get paid. The last time I was able to see my account was Sep. 5th.  I got an email on the 10th from the bank to contact them immediately as my accounts had been compromised. They stated that the hacker, "viewed everything, but didn't take any money."  Well that has turned out to be false, now that I can see everything again as of yesterday. Everything was frozen since the first week of September, and I had to use credit cards for a couple of weeks. It took an hour at the bank last weekend to open up all new accounts. The only thing that I could not view until yesterday was my $3000.00 credit line which functions as sort of an overdraft protection, which I pay back. Yesterday, the 20th, that account finally came back on line. I was stunned yesterday when I opened it up, the whole thing was completely maxed out.

When I called them on the phone on the 10th, no mention was made of 700.00 being moved from the credit line to the checking-they only told me what cleared in the checking, which I could verify.  I however didn't move 700 out of this credit line.  Yesterday, the lady on the phone told me someone moved about 700.00 out of it on 9/5.  Well that person was not me. That was during this time period of my being hacked, and I absolutely didn't move that money over. I cannot understand why when we went over the transactions back on the 10th, why she neglected to mention this money being transferred. Now they are telling me I have to pay all of it?!!  The last time I saw it the balance it was only 2300.00 on 9/5. What is even weirder is that what she said on the phone yesterday does not match what is on the transaction ledger that I demanded. No activity on 9/5 is listed-just the balance going from 2300.00 to 3000.00 during this blackout time when I could see nothing. I finally came unglued yesterday, I was sobbing hysterically and had a public meltdown later. I really should have cancelled going out with friends that evening as I was not great company, but I showed up because I didn't want to flake I knew they were expecting me. My stomach and head were hurting so bad and I wanted to throw up.  I ended up leaving early.  All I could think about was self harm lastnight, how every time I turn around something like this is happening, some liar, some fraud, it is just EVERYWHERE. My head was spinning and I was dissociated. I was also sold a lemon car back in April and Friday it died on the road, can't get out of the loan. It's like people just don't have morals AT. ALL.  Is this our world now? It certainly seems so. I have therapy tomorrow but feel in a very hopeless place.  I don't see much good coming in the future and with the news and everything, I feel very bleak. I could not sleep all lastnight, was in a very bad state. I feel frozen and immobilized. I don't know how to move forward.