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Im sick of my kids hurting me

gordos4
gordos4
I texted my son & asked him if I could see my grandson Thursday instead of today. I knew the S__T would hit the fan, & it did. He went off on me & said the most hurtful, nasty things to me, not of the least was: "when you were 19, you opened up your legs & made 2 kids you couldn't support". Which is total bull. I raised my 2 boys for 6 years with no help from anyone, no welfare, nothing before I met my present husband. My son knows good & well why I divorced his abusive dad.
Every time I think I may dig myself out of depression, one of my sons has to pull this kind of crap.
I've already resigned to myself that he will have to apologize this time before I will even consider seeing him. If that means I don't get to see my GS, I guess it does. I'm tired of him walking all over me. Sorry, just had to vent. Im hurt.
gramybear
gramybear
His behavior is unacceptable. I would like to know what he is truly angry about and I think it goes beyond what he said. He needs to acknowledge what is causing him to be so cruel and disrespectful. I was blessed to have two boys that would never even use a swear word at me and have defended me more times than I can count. And they did not have a great life. They had the best I could offer. I know you have been the best mom you could be and your son really needs to talk to a therapist about his anger issues. Please remember that it's really all about him and not you. I'm here if you ever want to talk. Hugs GB
Misssy2
Misssy2
gordo..he sounds like my youngest. He is "sick" as well...your son.

Sounds like Intermittent Explosive Disorder. It does probably mean that you won't see your grandson for a while. But, you need some respect.

Stick to your guns gordo hope that he apologizes...gramy bear is totally correct...there is something going on with him...Its not you and you have done your best! And you continue to do your best....its not fair...that you are being treated this way.

My oldest that I do a lot for was shitty to me yesterday as well..I posted my vent on the Co-dependency board.

Write me PM anytime :(
gordos4
gordos4
gramy, I know what his anger is about, his dad. His dad wanted nothing to do with him until he reached the age of discernment & then guilted him into moving with him. After he got there, he treated him terribly & told him "I just wanted you to move here so I wouldn't have to pay your mom child support" I begged him at the time, NOT to move to his dad's, I knew how it would end. My ex didn't disappoint. My parents were a lot worse to me & I never would have spoken to them the way my son does. No respect at all.
blackhawkdown
blackhawkdown
Sounds like that puppy needs a good old fashion wooping. Im not one for violence but there is a thing called respect!
abbey65
abbey65
I agree that his behavior is unacceptable. I also agree that he should have to apologize first, and I would be very firm with him that you will not take his disrespectful behavior. Stick to your guns, like Missy suggested.
I am sure he will be defensive and angry at first, but don't back down, whatever you do, just be sure to let him know you mean it, and don't act apologetic or feel you need to explain yourself to him(you don't). I am sure he will eventually come around, and he will perhaps learn that he can't say disrespectful things like that again.
Hope this helps.
spellbund
spellbund
gordos4, I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing so openly about the recent experience with your son. I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting. I second gramybear and the others about the unacceptable behavior of your son. You've probably been a better mother than you realize. Please know that you, and your son's family are in my prayers. *Hugs*

#LetItSnow
orsa
orsa
I am sorry you have been treated so disrespectfully, gordos. I'm glad you are through letting him walk all over you. However, your son may never apologize because our son never has and it has been well over two years. He rarely even speaks to my husband (his father) and me but we do send gifts to our grandchildren. They live over 1000 miles from us. I've had lots of people say and do mean things to me and they never apologize. So I guess we have to somehow find the strength to forgive them and move on with our lives. I'm praying for you!
gordos4
gordos4
Thank you for your replies.
Why is it so difficult for people to apologize?
When I think Ive offended someone, I call them & apologize. Most of the time they say "what are you talking about" I guess since Ive always been so sensitive, I don't want to hurt anyone else. Like now, Im sorry if my post offended anyone.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
No need to apologize for this post!

It sounds like you have a handle on some of his anger, but given his outbursts I suspect that he either has more sources of anger, of that his anger has festered for so long that it has a life of its own independent of what the true facts are.

Is there a chance you two can get some therapy so that he can get to the full root of his anger and then strangle it (rather than your relationship) so that you two can move forward?

gentle hugs.
gordos4
gordos4
Pepperman, If I thought for a minute he would go for that, I would. I have a feeling it would be a "mom bashing" session. I cant hear anymore of that right now. He had no reason to do that.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
A good therapist can work with your son and ferret out the emotions behind the 'mom bashing' that you fear. People don't always do a good job of connecting the hurt with real cause.

I do agree with GramyBear, his behavior is unacceptable.

Continuing hugs.
gordos4
gordos4
Thank you Pepperman, My son's main problem is, he is an atheist, no believe system whatsoever. Therefore, no consequences or accountability. I believe he has no substantial conscience. His dad really screwed him & his brother up. They were both sweet, tenderhearted boys until they moved with him & lived with him for 10 & 4 years. I hope my ex had a nice review when he died.
gordos4
gordos4
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a perfect mom, but I never abused them either physically or emotionally. I was acutely aware of how that feels, so I made dang sure I didn't do it to my boys. They were my whole life.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
ANd at some point they will realize that.
gordos4
gordos4
That's what my husband says. My son has 2 kids of his own. He will find out one day what it feels like to have a kid hurt him like this.