Keep typing buddy. Keep giving yourself the time.
We are listening and can hear you load and clear my friend.
Keep typing and stay with us.

Please hold on. I know it is hard. Force yourself to take a walk. Take deep breaths. It's what helps me. I'm sorry for your pain. I care.

Feeling a little better think I managed to ride through it 1 more time.finally slept a little that is what tells me I am probably over worst of it. Just feel numb.

Think I can go out now but will wait to tomorrow feel too emotional like I might burst into tears any minute. Think I will reboot mental hard drive in safe mode. Stay in and rest today.
Thanks everyone for support and helping me work though it.
God Bless All!
BB

Dear barton ..
i hope i never again reach my darkest place ... my greatest
fear is to one day somehow return there...to say it terrifies
me is a gross understatement...

1 of the mistakes i made was feeding the
dark place with the choice of music i was listening to ...
it was dark and desperate and added to my feeling of
justified in the depth of the agony that gripped me ..
lighter gentler music truly did help ease the grip...

Barton its not hard to reach out to a person who is
searching for help and understanding not just making
noise... i feel you are casting for a life line and we are
trying to help...

hold on hon
~hugs~

I hate when this system screws me over and deletes my post, been getting lots of errors online like that lately, not just here in DS. But I really wanted to say something to you.
I'm glad you got through the worst, and hopefully now you are sleeping. Sometimes that is the best and only temporary relief we can get. And also lack of it, which you were going through, makes everything feel worse. You did the right thing, writing and posting here, and when you reach out like that, you are also helping some of us. I was feeling horrible, and just the act and feeling of caring about someone else, shifts my focus and helps me. So Thank you for posting. There are many people on here who care.

Feeling okay today. Thanks all of you for letting me work through this with you. Am going to get help.
BB

I agree with gustokitty that coming here and helping others helps me focus somewhere other than on myself. As long as Ian continue to help others I am also helping msyelf. Hang in there bb.

I too have wanted to give up and would get so angry because I didn't know why the medication wasn't helping. I did some severe eye opening this morning and realized something I didn't think about before. I have had depression since the age of 7, and as I got older, I would have periods of feeling normal. I realized this morning that in those times, it was when I wasn't around my mother. That is a story in itself, but she now lives in my home and there is nothing I can do about it, so the depression continues. If the medication isn't working, could it be something like what I have expressed? I just want to throw something out there for you to think about. In the meantime, I hope you know we are all here to support you. Hugs GB

Thanks for support last few days. It might have saved my life! I pray for some good days for awhile. It seems to come in waves a few good days then the terrible despair kicks in. People have asked me what it is like but there are no words to explain what it is like. It can get so horrible that I feel like I am not able to breath. Gasping but can't get air.
God Bless You All!