Hunny please call the suicide hotline if you haven’t already they can help you I promise. I’ve made the call there myself before. Please
message me if you need to talk.. I’m here for you and I know you can overcome this.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

Please reach out to anyone you have in your life or people here so that you don’t have to hold that darkness inside.

Hey,

Is there any triggers that's making you feel this way? Want to talk about anything?

Hey,

Is there any triggers that's making you feel this way? Want to talk about anything? I'm here to listen.

PLEASE PLEASE REACH OUT GET SUPPORT . IVE BEEN HERE BEFORE. SOMETIMES LIFE CAN REALLY DEAL US SOME HARSH BLOWS AND WE FEEL LIKE WE JUST DON'T TO GO ON. BUT I BELIEVE GREATER THINGS ARE AWAITING YOU YOU JUST MUST TRY TO FIND MEANING IN YOUR PAIN
I KNOW WHEN YOUR SUFFERING THAT'S HARD TO DO
I WENT THROUGH A DEEP DEPRESSION FOR 2 YEARS I FELT LIKE I WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME LITTLE BY LITTLE I UP PUSHED THROUGH AND I STARTED FINDING SOMETHING WITHIN ME TO REACH OUT AND ENCOURAGE OTHERS. I FOUND JOY IN BEING ABLE TO IGNITE HOPE IN OTHERS BECAUSE OF WHAT I HAD SUFFERED THROUGHOUT MY LIFE..

I BELIEVE THAT WE ALL HAVE GREAT PURPOSE AND POTENTIAL AND WHEN YOU TAP INTO YOURS YOU WILL BEGIN TO HAVE FREEDOM AND LIVE A LIFE OF MEANING.

PLEASE DON'T QUIT YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER YOU ARE THE ANSWER TO SOME PROBLEM OR ISSUE. RISE AND SHINE LUV!

Thank you all for your kind words and help. I just don’t know what to do. Every time I try to get help, it seems like I’m not taken seriously. It takes me weeks to get an appointment with a therapist or a doctor. And then when I’m there I feel like I’m just wasting their time. I don’t have a terminal or urgent physical illness, so why am I there? It feels like my horrible mental state is all my fault. Sometimes I feel so anxious and panicked that I feel like I’m going to die. Once my mom suggested going to the ER but what would I say? “I’m sad”? I just feel consumed by this darkness but then I feel terrible for feeling that way. And it just piles on top of each other and suffocates me.

I’m sorry you don’t feel taken seriously. People who haven’t been through it can’t understand it as well as those who have. Please continue to reach out, because I want you to be able to enjoy your life and time spent with lots of good memories. You deserve it!

I don’t even understand what life is anymore. Like what the point of it is. I don’t enjoy anything I used to, I don’t understand how people wake up and are motivated or excited to get through the day. I try to “put a mask on,” but I’ve been doing it for years and it’s exhausting. And then I feel like people hate me once the mask comes off.

Gentle, gentle, gentle hugs

I know how you feel. It’s like not everyone can handle you when you’re in a dark place. I have scared off many people at my low points just by speaking honestly about past trauma and personal issues. It makes you feel like you have no where to go... trust me I get it. But I’m here for you and you will be okay.

Are you having any physical symptoms along with your depression,and are you eating a healthful diet? It just doesn't make sense that if you're physically healthy you should be so unhappy unless you've been traumatized. It;s possible you have an unrecognized physical illness that's also causing your depression. In the case of my mom and me, we have been infected for almost 8 years now with an Enterovirus infection [Coxsackie B2 and B6 viruses] and depression/anxiety are common symptoms with this. Unfortunately, except for a very few like Dr. John Chia in Torrance CA, the medical ignorance about Enteroviral diseases is shocking, even though millions of us are infected. If you are having any gastrointestinal, respiratory, racing heartbeat, or other symptoms listed on the Enterovirus Foundation website, that could be what you're dealing with and are undiagnosed.

Many of us have had good luck writing things down and then giving it to our therapists. This serves as a starting point.

This thread can be your starting point: print it out and hand it to your therapist!

Gentle hugs

Thank you all. @LouiseS I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for the past 10 years. My weight has gone extremely low to relatively high and back and forth because of starving myself/binge eating over the years. I’m sure it’s taken a toll on my body as well as my mind. I started to feel the depression kick in about 3 years ago, which makes it more difficult to sleep, eat, and move healthfully. Both things kind of feed off each other. I’ve recently been told that basically I’m not “sick enough” for inpatient treatment. Even after being very vulnerable with several therapists, not to mention my family and friends. So now I’m wondering what am I supposed to do? Get more sick? Because it feels like the next level down from here is where it all ends. I’ve tried so hard to will myself to feel better, I’ve prayed, I’ve put in effort, but I KNOW that I’m not in a mental state to do this by myself. I’m only 19, I don’t know what to do.

Yeah it sucks in the “limbo” mode of not sick enough to be admitted yet too sick to be relatable to those who can’t empathize...but I hope some light is dawning in your world at least knowing you are not alone, there are others out there also suffering, and it doesn’t have to be in silence because you have so much to offer the world. I like to think that step one is being honest with yourself, and your honestly is important. Your life is important and has tremendous meaning. Even now by sharing what you have shared, you are making a difference in people’s lives because we can relate to your struggle and it creates a sense of comfort I think. I hope you come to find the light at the end of the tunnel.