Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I know it may sound silly, but I care very deeply about this subject. My Auntie died before I was born in a snow-machine accident and ever since my family has been absolutely traumatized. I got to a point last school year that I believed the only way to be happy was to die and be with her, becasuse I thought she was the only one who loved me... I went through a lot of shit last year, boyfriends, Nazi teachers, and the losing of friends because I became introverted and severely depressed. I began to cut, and attempted suicide because I believed that my Aunt was waiting for me in Heaven. I barely know what she looks like, I know she looks a lot like my other Auntie but sometimes I get them mixed up because they look alike! I would dream that I was with her, I felt happy, then I would realize that I didn't know what she looked or sounded like, I was lost in a sea of people walking around like rush hour in New York City, I called out for her, and millions would call out back, when I thought I found her the second I grabbed her shoulder I was called to wake up and go to school or I just woke up in the middle of the night. I cry for her almost daily, thinking of her makes me sad, I'm terribly alone in my home and school life, It feels like I can never catch a break with anything. All I have to say is that I feel like all the music in the world couldn't save me, money, family, or friends, I am just alone and sometimes I think, I should be the one in the grave, not my Auntie.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
your going out on thin branches in your mind....seek some counseling with a psychologist or a shrink....hopefully talking with them will help with this issue and more on your depression and isolationism....
Whatever it is, there is nothing silly about it. Keep sorting, Yeru. Your answers are in there. . .
First, One or more of your teachers are doing something right…. You write very, very well. I looked back at some of my journal entries the other day from when I was in high school trying to explain my feelings and I sounded like a fourth grader who’d just recently been introduced to the English language. Someone like you, who can express themselves so well stands a great chance of being helped through counseling. Do a little research and find a good one. The things you’ve described are a little outside the realm of normality. That doesn’t mean you’re weird or crazy, just that you, like most of us, need a hand to get through what sounds like a combination of things that are keeping you from moving forward. My guess is that there is something you haven’t mentioned in your post that may be at the root of things? I (like most of us) went through something extremely traumatic many years ago. I was so alone, and at the end of my rope – nowhere to turn. The only thing I could think of was to call out to God through my tears, pleading for help. I didn’t hear anything, but I felt Him say, “Yes”. I was overwhelmed and showered with the feeling of being loved by the most loving and powerful person in the universe. That day, that moment changed everything. Gradually (yet rather swiftly, as I look back on it) things just sort of turned, and corrected and began (and continued) to straighten out in many ways, for it wasn’t a temporary love. I had to do my part, and things aren’t exactly perfect, but nothing has ever felt so real or so important. I’ll pray that you possess the courage to seek and receive the help you need from other humans, and Elsewhere.