Living has become a job that I hate with all my heart! I think its fucked up how I didn't ask to be here yet I Cant take my own life because it isn't "normal" or people will see me as a failure. Its not fair! And yes life isn't fair but I never asked to be here in the first place. I feel like I don't belong in this world. If I did I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. There's people out there taking their last breath who would love to live. Why Cant I be in their place and them in mine? Why Cant I die in a car crash or get shot in the head? Man this is ridiculous! It really is. Its like I'm being punished for something I don't know about! I don't want to be here! I don't want to live. I've tried everything from therapy to shock therapy to pills. Now can I finally do what I want for a change? Can I finally be at peace? Nope because you think I'll get through it or whatever lol one day I'm going to finally do what I want to do and that day will be the happiest day of my life. 

Sn: not looking for replies honestly. Just need to tell someone how I feel. If you're going to tell me to hang in there or it gets better please don't comment. 

Thanks for listening