Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
The only reason I am putting this on the "crisis Center" is because it may be triggering. I posted a while back, and I felt like I couldn't go on, but I didn't have the energy to do anything about it. I still don't have a lot of physical energy, But I have made up my mind. I have a plan in place, and a time. But if I don't make it as far as the day I have in mind...That's okay.
I can't describe how relieved I feel. I have absolutely no worries, other than a sense of sadness for what my loved ones will have to face. But I know it's for the best. I so wanted to get all of my affairs in order. Have everything taken care of. But...That's just not realistic, I no longer have it in me. I'm just too weak, too tired, and it's time to go. I was kind of on the fence, But believe it or not, my Doctor helped me make up my mind. I finally made it in to see her after pretty much spending weeks in bed. I told her how hopeless I feel, How the only reason I was still here was my Son, How I just stay in bed all day every day, and how I have basically just stopped functioning. She said things like..."instead of staying in bed, why don't you go for a walk" "instead of staying in bed, why don't you go spend time with friends" "If your not going to help yourself, I can't help you" "It's your choice to keep living like you are" Well....It is my choice. And my choice is to opt out. I'm done, and I finally feel like I can breathe. I don't have to worry about bills, I don't have to worry about what is going to happen to me if I can't get it together, I don't have to worry about anyone having to take care of me, I don't have to kick myself in the ass because I can't "take that walk" or if I'm not up to "spending time with friends" or function like a "normal" person. I can't do those things. NO ONE understands that. NO ONE. And it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters. It will all be over soon and I am okay with it. I feel more okay than I have felt in months and months
I still get breathless just walking acrossed the room. I still don't have the energy to do anything. But it's all okay. Everything is okay. I wonder How many people have written their last words here. I want to thank all of you folks who have supported me through this mess. I hope that you can find happiness, and that you can be happy for me. I guess this is where I get off.
I can't describe how relieved I feel. I have absolutely no worries, other than a sense of sadness for what my loved ones will have to face. But I know it's for the best. I so wanted to get all of my affairs in order. Have everything taken care of. But...That's just not realistic, I no longer have it in me. I'm just too weak, too tired, and it's time to go. I was kind of on the fence, But believe it or not, my Doctor helped me make up my mind. I finally made it in to see her after pretty much spending weeks in bed. I told her how hopeless I feel, How the only reason I was still here was my Son, How I just stay in bed all day every day, and how I have basically just stopped functioning. She said things like..."instead of staying in bed, why don't you go for a walk" "instead of staying in bed, why don't you go spend time with friends" "If your not going to help yourself, I can't help you" "It's your choice to keep living like you are" Well....It is my choice. And my choice is to opt out. I'm done, and I finally feel like I can breathe. I don't have to worry about bills, I don't have to worry about what is going to happen to me if I can't get it together, I don't have to worry about anyone having to take care of me, I don't have to kick myself in the ass because I can't "take that walk" or if I'm not up to "spending time with friends" or function like a "normal" person. I can't do those things. NO ONE understands that. NO ONE. And it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters. It will all be over soon and I am okay with it. I feel more okay than I have felt in months and months
I still get breathless just walking acrossed the room. I still don't have the energy to do anything. But it's all okay. Everything is okay. I wonder How many people have written their last words here. I want to thank all of you folks who have supported me through this mess. I hope that you can find happiness, and that you can be happy for me. I guess this is where I get off.
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
I have no friends other than some people I talk to online.
I lost my father 3 weeks ago.
I have no family other than my mom. When she is gone (she is 70 years old) I'll be alone in this world.
I have been unable to hold down a job.
I do not drive because I got scared after a minor accident.
I am 31 and never had a serious relationship.
My mom and I live in an old house that needs many repairs, but we can't afford it.
We are living in poverty and trying to find a way to eat and afford to heat the house during the winter.
I lack a college education.
I feel like I am a total and complete failure at life. I know I am not the only one suffering with depression, but I have never met anyone with so little as myself. Most people at least have friends, family, a spouse, or a job. I have nothing going for me. Nothing. I have NEVER been able to function while most people have at least found a way to function to a degree at points in their life.
I have never been a normal person. School was difficult for me because I felt so isolated. I can't deal with other people well which affects my job prospects.
I know what it's like to not be able to functional like a normal human being and I am terrified that I never will. Because of that, I have to worry whether we will be able to survive. I am constantly thinking about money and bills. I am constantly worrying if we will freeze to death or lose the house. I am constantly worrying fi the house will fall apart to the point where we can no longer live in it. We just experienced damage from the hurricane and I do not even know if insurance will pay for it because truthfully the parts that were damaged were in need of repairs in the first place but we cannot afford it.
So I know what it is like to not be able to function. I know what it is like to have constant fears and worries that never let up.
Sometimes it feels like death is the only end to my suffering, but you know what? The only thing I can do that would undoubtedly make me a failure is end my life. Because by killing myself I am sending the message that I failed and couldn't make it. The only way for me to avoid failure is to survive and somehow make it back to the land of the functioning.