Hi--I'll be honest-I'm not in a toxic relationship but know a lot of people who have been. And I have been in some relationships that have been really really tough.
It seems like you have a really good handle on what's going on and what your options are but you're right, it's never easy to make a change. It takes energy to jump form point A--where you are now, to point B--where you'll be going and then to point C--hopefully where you'll be going from there. I don't preach, judge or blame, so whatever you do is OK. Most of the people that I know who have left toxic relationships have done it one of several ways: Planning your move (making sure that you're all set with a place to go, moving date planned etc), sudden departure (like a huge fight, or just slip out back and leave) or someplace in between. Ask yourself, is there any hope for this relationship? Is it helping you as a person in any way? If no, then maybe you've got to plan at your own pace. In my opinion, the worst case scenario is the two of you have a big fight and splitting suddenly--then you have no time to pan.

I agree with Jenny Theresa you have a handle on things. If you plans things out and act asap it will probably help. If you keep fighting, it is not good and you'll just walk out with no planning. It is very hard to make changes, but you are important and your happiness. It sounds like a difficult choice to move with Mom. Maybe if your not there that much and stay out of her way.
Sounds like it is better than no one even though it is less than ideal

It sounds like you know what the problem is and you know what you should do about it. And honestly who cares what his family thinks? They have an abusive drug addict for a son, let them think about that.

You need to leave this relationship and focus on getting your life together.

I dealt with the same thing. My girlfriend and I would break up every other month and have extreme arguments. I moved back home and focused on myself. It was the hardest thing to do, especially trying to reconnect with friends that I put off because of my relationship. I was 27 when I moved back in with my parents. I eventually found out what I wanted to do in life and went back to school. It's not easy. One thing that helped is that I started running and made friends within a running group. Running and new friendships played a big part in helping me out.

I feel bad for you in that situation. It's really tough. Staying with your boyfriend is not good and staying with mom doesn't sound too great either.

I agree with what everyone said here, that you have a good understanding of what is going on but understanding only goes so far. It's really scary to make a change.

For what it's worth, my opinion, from what you describe is that it's not worth trying to continue to work things out with your boyfriend because he's not doing his part. You're going to therapy, working your ass off, dealing with all this stress and he's being emotionally abusive to you.

I haven't had a lot of relationships with men but when I was younger i did have one toxic relationship with someone. He was emotionally abusive to me, he wanted me around for sex but that was it. He wasn't even that into the sex. It was a relationship of convenience for him because we were sharing the rent.

I knew he was bad for me but I was infatuated, didn't want to be alone. I never could work up the nerve to leave. He finally did. I was devastated but after a couple weeks I started to feel better. No one needs to be treated badly.

Is it possible you could get another apartment or something? Share with another girl or something? That way you wouldn't have to go live with mom.

You don't deserve this. Your boyfriend sounds like a very immature and narcissistic man.

Doesn't matter what his family thinks or about the other girls. You just need to take care of yourself. Your boyfriend is not only not taking care of you, he is detrimental to your mental and physical health.

If you are looking for validation and support I can give it to you. Your instincts are correct. He's not good for you.
Maybe a step to leaving would be to try to reconnect with some of your friends and any family that is more stable and supportive than mom.

Sounds like you are smart and caring person, a hard worker. You'll figure this out. Don't let him pull you down too far.

I agree with what everyone else here is already saying... it is time to get out and take care of yourself and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You are what is important, not them. I wouldn't move back to your parent's place though. That doesn't seem like a healthy situation.

Search your local listings for rooms to rent and find something affordable. Meet with the people offering the room and if you can, secure the room so you have a safe place to go to. Now that you have a place to go, take a friend with you and go back to your old place to get your things. Having a friend along will not only make packing your things easier but also if you have someone with you then your soon to be Ex will hopefully be less likely to want to try to do anything to stop you from leaving.

If you think he may try and prevent you from leaving then you could also stop by your local police station and talk to them. It's a simple thing to have an officer meet you at your Ex's and enter the dwelling with you and remain on standby as a deterrent while you and/or a friend pack your things and then the officer can remain with your Ex while you depart in order to ensure that he doesn't try and simply follow you to your new place.

Also, don't forget to change your mailing address and disconnect any utilities that might be in your name that are connected to his address. Since you're no longer liver there, there's no need for you to be responsible for them.

I also wouldn't let anyone else know your new address unless you can reasonably trust them not to let it get back to your Ex. You might also have a word with your employer to let them know of the situation just in case he tries to show up to your work to contact you in person. Hopefully your boss is understandable and is willing to help you to keep him out of your life. If not then it may just be better to find a new job.

Hopefully some of this and what the others here have said will help. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

"i live with a toxic boyfriend." You sure do .... and you are going to therapy in order to fix him. Won't work. I would say your situation is severe. Then, .. no family support because your Mother is mentally ill.

to me, this means standing ON YOUR OWN. Make the decision to stop the cycle and break out.

I do not know your age or talents, but if you are working, it should be enough $$ to 'live on'. I hope to hell it is. You need to live in your own place. No whacked out Mother and no toxic 'boyfriend'. If you have never done this, it can be very difficult, but you must try. You have way too much working against you in the current situation. You are being abused and exploited. Living with someone else is likely to be a bad move these days. NOT ALLWAYS but usually.

Ideally, it would be to find another female in a similar situation and the two of you share a residence but even that is HIGH RISK. Lots of whacked people out there.

I don't think any of your two choices are good, but with caution, moving back w/ parents is the better choice (barely).

"i'm just tired of working 6 days a week 4am-whenever ..."

Yeah ... but that is your only way out. Subtract this worthless bozo from that and it makes more sense.

If I knew a little more (like your age, education, extended family) I might be able to give more advice.

What does your therapist have to say?

I hope you can get out of the situation and into a much better one. Let us know how it goes.

So far it seems that others have given a lot of good advice so all I can say is to be strong, going it alone is scary and what ever his parents or others think of you is not important, you are the one who is important and change sounds about the healthiest thing for you. Take that time to take care of yourself. I haven't been in a toxic relationship for quite some time,
I know though that if it were me, and the state I'm in now would be to encourage myself to leave the toxicity and start by taking care of you until your ready for another relationship. Your so worth it!!

I am in a toxic relationship and have been for 3 years. I understand what you are going through. I'm sorry I know your pain and it isnt easy. I have lost my friends because of my on again off again relationship. I'm also trying to figure out how to get out. I believe its going to take time but you will be able to get through it just like I will.