Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hey everyone. I haven't been on the boards for ages...probably a good four months at least.
For quite some time I was doing a lot better, but recently i've been feeling things spiraling out of control again. I've gone down drastically on my medicine which likely has much to do with it, not to mention I have been dealing off and on with a persistent upset stomach.
I've just started having anxiety attacks again (which I haven't had in a LONG time) and am having wild mood swings where I just go into hysterical crying fits where I start screaming and punching the wall.
As all of my old friends know, I am a musician and it is still hard as hell for me to write anything. Thankfully, I have been on the ball with writing, but I am VERY overly critical about everything I write. I feel like I a not satisfied with my music and, as stupid as it may sound, after writing something I will often get so dissatisfied that I will want to self harm (don't worry. I don't...just get the urge). I know it seems childish and self centered, but not being satisfied in my music makes me feel like a failure and it seems to be the only thing I ever think about.
Although I have a supportive husband, there is only so much he can take at a time and he often becomes frustrated with me. This causes many screaming matches which leads to guilt and embarassment.
Sorry if that was a long post, but it's been a long time since I have been on here. I guess I just need someone to talk to and rant a bit instead of just going off on my husband all the time. I don't see a therapist, so I just need someone to talk to.
For quite some time I was doing a lot better, but recently i've been feeling things spiraling out of control again. I've gone down drastically on my medicine which likely has much to do with it, not to mention I have been dealing off and on with a persistent upset stomach.
I've just started having anxiety attacks again (which I haven't had in a LONG time) and am having wild mood swings where I just go into hysterical crying fits where I start screaming and punching the wall.
As all of my old friends know, I am a musician and it is still hard as hell for me to write anything. Thankfully, I have been on the ball with writing, but I am VERY overly critical about everything I write. I feel like I a not satisfied with my music and, as stupid as it may sound, after writing something I will often get so dissatisfied that I will want to self harm (don't worry. I don't...just get the urge). I know it seems childish and self centered, but not being satisfied in my music makes me feel like a failure and it seems to be the only thing I ever think about.
Although I have a supportive husband, there is only so much he can take at a time and he often becomes frustrated with me. This causes many screaming matches which leads to guilt and embarassment.
Sorry if that was a long post, but it's been a long time since I have been on here. I guess I just need someone to talk to and rant a bit instead of just going off on my husband all the time. I don't see a therapist, so I just need someone to talk to.
Likely.
Actually lately I am fairly mediocre and not too tied in knots about it, so I guess that is good.
But I had a fight last night with my wonderful husband and I am so disappointed in myself. I feel positively ugly, mostly on the inside. Forgiving myself and loving myself is important and helps me to get back faster to a better place. Some part of me is obstinant about that right now though.
I hope tomorrow is much better for both of us!
And when you're down, there's no way to clearly judge your music. If you're depressed, you will most likely be hypercritical of your work and feel like a failure.
Get back on your meds and talk to someone ASAP!
hugs
It's just low self esteem hun.And artistic integrity.You're probably way more critical because it's come from you.Bet you're better than you think.What do your nearest and dearest think of your writing?
Alanis Morosette wrote her best songs when she was on a downer.Use the emotions ; )
Beta blockers help my anxiety attacks
I am going down on my meds for a number of reasons. My main reason is that I feel like I have been dependent on them for far too long, plus I just lost my insurance and am having financial problems. Also, my husband and I want to get ready for having children (once the finances are under control of course), and I don't want to be on any drugs during the pregnancy.
I noticed that when I went down on my Buspar I had no effects and the last time I lowered my Klonopin I only had mild anxiety. Two weeks ago was when I cut my Lexapro in half and it seemed to not have an effect for about a week and now it is just hitting me. I'm debating whether or not to ride it out or to go back up.
I gotta head to work, but i'll post more about what my current dosage is and whatnot when I return.
Good luck. You know we are all with you!
there are protpcals to follow for stopping meds for pregnancy an d none of them sugges doing it on your own.
I do need to make an appointment shortly, so I will bring up the fact that I cut my BuSpar in half. She already knows about me going down on the other meds. Also, I would like to make it known that I have been doing this VERY slowly and cautiously. I did have a very hard day yesterday which is likely due to me lowering my Lexapro, but for the most part I do believe that I am doing better without the drugs in my system. My husband is also in agreement over this.
BTW- I know I am going to get lots of moans and groans about this and although we are not currently trying to have a child, I am off of birth control, hense my concern.
For anyone interested, this is what I currently take daily:
15mg BuSpar
.5mg Klonopin
10mg Lexapro
I do understand everyones concern, but to me I feel like I have been on these drugs for so long that I have literally drowned out my problems. Perhaps it is time for me to face them and practice some coping skills. I feel like I will never truly conquer my depression, OCD and anxiety unless I do.
True, there is a side of me that would prefer that I did so with the help of a therapist, but the truth is not only have I never found one that worked for me, but one is just unaffordable to me. Besides, I DO have a loving and supportive husband who works at home and is watching me 24/7, so I am not in harms way.
Strangly, I do not obsess over my paintings nearly as much as I do with my music. I believe a lot of it has to do with the fact that I paint much more frequently then I do write music, so I am more comfortable and secure with it. Hubby believes that the more one engages in an activity, the more one becomes comfortable with it, and I am starting to see that this is true.
Depression and Kitten- Very good points made. Depression truly does cloud ones judgement.
If I ever feel like I may end up not receiving my meds in time, I will split them in half and take half dosages, as I believe that is better than going cold turkey.
BTW- It is amazing how many famous and successful creative famous individuals suffered from mental illness.