I am so sorry you are in that black hole. Prayer for you and a gentle hug.

I will say a prayer for you. Please try not tel feel guilyty because someone might be worse off than you, Keep fighting and thinking about the good things in your life. I am sure there are many people who love you and care about you. Praying you get some peace.

thanks guys.. cant quit crying... I feel like such a dork.... there really isnt any reason to be so down.... I cant even be here for the people that I should be trying to jack up..

I fucking hate this... I cant think straight....

*FUCK YOU YOU BASTARDS.... LET ME OUTTA THIS FUCKING HOLE*

warm hugs, my friend.
i'm sorry you're in that pit.

Many prayers and good vibes going out to you dancingbear. Hope you feel better soon, awesome lady. Love you....hugs x

You have always posted and helped all of us at one time or another, so relax and let us be here for you.

Kellysue is right. We are here for you. Sending prayers and gentle hugs your way Beastie.

I am so sorry you are in a hole. We've all been there, so pleas take some comfort in knowing that we also get out of them.

I really wish that we were given users guides for our psyche; it is a rather complex beast. Especially when it gets all chummy with the daemons of depression.

Please, don't fret about your thought of you while your brother is dyeing. I lost my sister a few months back, but it was sudden. I can barely imagine how you must feel watching your brother go, but go slowly.

It is very painful to experience that.

But the daemons of depression latch onto that, and piggy back our personal pains onto what you are going through for your brother. But in this case, I think you need to allow yourself to indulge in yourself along side of your brother. Your pains are real, and denying them will only make it harder to deal with your brother.

I'd love to say something funny to cheer you up, but I can't right now. Don't know the words. (The green one may, she can be really good at that!)

So here is a strong pepper powered hug from me. Along with a kick in the arse to jump start your brain. Working through pain is the key, so please engage. And know that you have a mountain of friends here. Some hard and firm, some soft and squishy, some know what to say almost all the time (not me), some know that you have what it takes, but that it is hard to take it (now I know that about you!).

You can do it; one day at a time, one friend at a time.

Powerpacked hugs for you

Beastie, you don't NEED a reason to feel sad or depressed.

I am struck by the guilt that you have for having feelings and being human.

You have every right to feel emotionally spent, and always try to remember the oxygen mask metaphor. (note to self; do the same)

Keep posting. You don't always have to be funny or "on" for us.

We love you.

XO

((((((Beastie)))))) I am sorry that your brother is dying. You aren't selfish at all. Depression is a disease over which we have little to no control. Perhaps your brother's illness has enhanced your depression.

I am so thankful that you have the twins, and your friends, and your family who all love you. It's something awesome to live for! I so understand, however, wanting to just give up. It's a horrible feeling that makes fighting that much harder. BUT, I know you want to live, because of all you have said here.

Reaching out both hands to you. Grab a hold, and never let go. I'll pull, and never will let go. Hopefully we can get you through this soon. In the meantime, please try hard not to feel guilt, and beat yourself up because of your feelings. Allow them to come, and deal with them the best you can when they do.

More hugs..lots of love...xxxxxxxx

I picked a great time to go AWOL. Oh well I'm so sorry to hear your not doing well. Lots of love and healing prayers for you.Your humor and compassion have helped me in the past. Please have some compassion for yourself. As for depression picture me taking it very far away from you into the Florida swamps to be lost forever. For all your bad feelings may ten times as much good come in to replace them. Please be gentle with yourself my dear friend.((( Many many warm healing gentle Hugs))) to you my friend.

Gidget,

What's the oxygen mask metaphor? I've never heard of that one.

Beastie, please don't get down on yourself. It's hard watching a loved one wither away. I know it was hard with my grandparents. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Just know that your friends on DS are here for you.

Annie

You have us, silly :)

Huge Hugs, keep fighting the battle!

Sorry you're so down beastie, it really sucks I know.

Big (((HUGS)))

You know, your brother dying is making things even more complicated for you. Of COURSE you're going to feel like shit when you have a body that works OK but you feel like living is really hard work at the moment. I expect you've gone through it in your head many times that you're shameful for feeling like you do when your brother has no choice. Guilt, which is misplaced by the way, is fuelling these dark feelings you are fighting. It doesn't make you a failure or a selfish woman. It STINKS that you have to cope with this.

Your pain is every bit as real and every bit as terrible as your brother's. Don't ever give up Beastie, because when the storm clears you'll feel the warmth of the sun on your face again and those little boys will have you around to share special moments for years ahead.

I'm so sorry your brother is dying; I can't begin to think how awful this is. But remember how precious you are to us, and especially to me.