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No one ever respects me when I tell them I have no interest in the holidays or Christmas itself. The last Christmas I spent with my father amounted to him telling me I "should" make Christmas dinner because it'll probably be "one of the last" we have together (predicting his own death a few months later). He was already ill and I made an entire turkey dinner for him to eat a small piece of meat and a spoonful of mashed potatoes. This is one the last vivid memories I have of us together besides the last time I saw him in person in the hospital.
I didn't particularly enjoy Christmas before and the last few while he was alive I only participated in because of him. To me, Christmas is tied in with my father. I don't have extended family to have other memories with.
I usually ask anyone around me to please respect that I don't want to participate in the holidays and that the most I am willing to do is to take part in "seasonal" activities - you know, things people generally do only in the winter time. They laugh it off and joke about how I'll still be apart of it and they're going to give me a gift. I find it really upsetting - I don't want to give gifts. I dont want to have dinner with people I'll probably never see again, or at least not until next Christmas because they're not apart of my family.
I'm also really, really poor. I am the "needy" people talk about at Christmas and this is my second year living in poverty and I have to say that it is absolutely downright disgusting what people spend on this holiday. Like literally nauseating. There are people who are in even more poverty than I am living on the streets right now in -15C and people are spending $30 - $50 on chocolates or $80 on perfume and then expect even more material goods on top of that! I keep trying to "pretend" to "enjoy the spirit" but I also find myself looking down on them.
I miss the opportunity to go home to my father where we would open one or two things valued under $50, eat dinner together, have a drink and go to bed. It sounds boring but that's exactly what other people do without all the pomp & fanfare. No sparkly plastic decorations and streamers, no lame holiday music - just things we enjoyed together and a nice meal. He'd make some phone calls to his long distant relatives and it was just simple.
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.
You have to learn to let other people be happy and not see all this as transactional.
People have a right to spend what they earn on what they want to buy.
You have a mixture of resentment at others for making choices you wouldn't make, and grief over the loss of dad.
Identify both, but don't turn this into a complaint about respect. Respect is earned not demanded. You will get it only if your behaviour commands it.
Make a pile of christmas ornaments out of cinnamon and applesauce. Give them as gifts. Then you will have a contribution. And then you will see that this has been about your materialism, not theirs.
@Hopeful75 - Thank you for your story. It was really insightful and I can see the benefit it brings to close families to carry on traditions. As a small child, I didn't really "understand" Christmas - my family was essentially athiest an Santa Clause fell out pretty early so it started to become just a routine every year. Those first few Christmases were still lovely memories, but the tradition never really "stuck". I'm really glad to hear that you choose to give back during the holidays - it doesn't seem like a superficial choice for you.
@bridgie101 - I am not religious and therefore have no foundation of Christmas as related to Christianity. I would not set out to ruin a child's belief in Santa, but I do not have kids nor am I around children to participate in the fantasy.
My experience of Christmas' that I've spent with the numerous other families who were gracious enough to invite me into her homes during this time of the year was very much about materialism and commercialism. Little tiffs started among each other about who bought what, how much it was, how much they gave - I certainly hope Grandma bought gifts for all the children. These experiences dictated my feelings on the materialism involved in the holidays. If I've asked not to be apart of Christmas activities and you then make me feel obligated out of guilt this is disrespectful. I may be an athiest but what if I were Muslim or Buddhist?
You have the right to spend what you earn on what you want to buy but I still have the equal right to feel like commercialism and materialism is involved in your choice. I have no resentment - that would imply I don't have something that I want. I do not want to be apart of this and even made efforts as a teenager to research the Pagan roots of the holidays to try and create my own personal feelings about the holidays which is why I now tend to want to participate in seasonal activities vs what has become the "traditional" way of celebrating.
Telling me to make Christmas ornaments to give as gifts is a direct disrespect of my desire not to participate in Christmas. Whether it was a personal or religious choice - it's my choice to make. The same way that it's my choice to respond "Happy Holidays" to "Merry Christmas". I respect that these are holidays, in return I would hope I would have folks respect that I'm not interested in Christmas.
I'd be more resentful at my father for forcing a holiday on to me that I never actually wanted to be apart of and then creating crappy memories to associate with it. But I'd still take a simple meal and drink with him over the fanfare.