I am sorry to hear that you are unwell. Perhaps you can talk to your family member to reassure him/her that you are willing to change for the better, and you will take steps to improve your outlook.

Are you taking any anti-depressants or antipsychotic medications at the moment? A chemical imbalance in the brain would cause depression and suicidal tendencies. It would be good if a doctor or psychiatrists/ psychologists would follow up your progress once you are discharged from hospitals, to ensure you would not have relapses in the future.

Family, you need them in times of adversities and tragedies. If you make a mess of your life and alienate/upset the people around you, only your family will forgive you and support you in times of drought and troubles. People who are strangers have no obligations towards your mental and physical well being, and if you infringe on their rights, people who have no kinship to you will not hesitate to harm you or inconvenience you. Blood is thicker than water, remember.

By your words, perhaps your family is tired of having to support you but that you continue to relapse and is not willing to change. BUT this time, YOU ARE WILLING TO CHANGE. Your family wants you, loves you and protects you. You have not lost your family, they do want you to be around.

Being 19 is difficult, not old enough to be a fully pledged adult, not matured enough to navigate through disasters, but you will learn, and you will continue to learn how to avoid troubles till the day you die, 100 years later.

Don't alienate yourself, You have not lost your family and the people that you love. You've just learnt many lessons and has ruminated about yourself. In the future, the lessons of today will help you to avoid the pitfalls of tomorrow. Take care, Marie

Hi there. The feelings you're describing could easily be caused by the depression. Please be sure to see your doctor as necessary. Also DS gas a partial list of resources here: https://support.dailystrength.org/hc/en-us/articles/207430776-What-if-I-need-emergency-help-

Here's part of what it says:
What to do in a Crisis

If you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately.

If a member of our site is threatening to harm themselves or others, contact your local law enforcement authority.

If ever you are feeling despondent, suicidal, or simply in need of speaking with someone about your problems, please be aware that there are numerous hotlines with trained operators available to help you. These hotlines are free to use and completely anonymous. Please note that these resources are not associated with DailyStrength.

This list was last updated on 03/07/2018.

Remember that these organizations exist to help you.

Suicide Prevention / Depression

USA: Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
USA: Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
USA: Teen Covenant House Nineline: 1-800-999-9999
USA: SOS Teen Hotline: 1-800-355-0660
USA: Directory of local helplines / centers
UK: Samaritans (Nat'l and local): 116 123 or jo@samaritans.org
CAN: Directory of helplines / centers
Global directory of suicide hotlines

You are a valuable person, you are worth the effort.

Hugs and best wishes.

What I've found helpful is to compile a list of things I need to improve, write them down, develop some reasonable suggestions for improvement and then call it a day. I try not to blame myself too much or focus on the negative.

Please note that everyone can improve. One of my kids had to drop out from school and now makes over 200,000 per year and has a beautiful house.

Don't try to change your life overnight, just work on small steps. I'm not an expert on depression or suicidal thoughts and leave it to the doctors.
But in terms of life, people can improve through small steps, it's not done easily but it can be done. I was disorganized, probably some ADHD, and lost things. I worked on it. If I'm on a plane, I check my area three times to make I don't misplace something, I read book and books on organization, and work on a calendar. I tried to break down the tasks and now am probably average which is a great accomplish for which I'm proud.

Take a week, work on some things, don't ask if you solved everything or changed your life, but whether you made progress. If you make even a little progress, then pat yourself on the back, recognize what you accomplished. Don't focus on the big picture but the small one. If you feel you've been a burden, then take a few minutes to write some cards to people telling them you appreciate the time they took.

But people should be there to help others, my wife brought someone to a medical appt, friends and family are there to help- sometimes there's dysfunction, no training manual for being a parent or even friend, but many in a sometimes awkward fashion are there to help.

oh wow, I am so sorry! That does suck, and I know you are feeling alone. I'm glad you came on here to talk with people who care and are like minded to support you. The best thing to do is do a fresh start, look for a new job and maybe even place to live, fresh starts are a great feeling of dropping all the negative behind and having new people and events in your life. You are strong, you got this and will be better and stronger for it. <3

You can get everything back that you lost. Unfortunate circumstances happen to all of us. I lost i job after being on furlough, and have struggled to get back into work for months. I think i have a job but it really depends on God because i go to the induction but not get a job afterwards. The point being is stay focused because you can and will get everything back with focus and determination. Just do not give up.