these past few months have been hell. I moved in with my boyfriend and have been looking for jobs since I graduated college. I knew I wouldnt find anything in my field right away so I'm looking for part time work to keep up with the bills. However, the problems started when his family decided to buy me a car. I never asked for it and his mother got a stick shift which I have no idea how to drive. At first I just cringed and said, " its fine its just another learning experience." I thanked them for the car but I havent driven it on my own once since they bought it. I have repeatedly told my boyfriend I need repitition in order to learn. I have asked him to take me out to the country side in the evening after hes off work but so far in the past 3 months I have gone driving a weeks worth.
I have suggested just walking to some places nearby I could work from but my boyfriend is afraid I'll get run over since we live near a major city and it can get hectic. My biggest issue is I have horrible anxiety from driving, I have to have a stuffed animal in my purse whenever I drive and because of this my boyfriend treats me like I'm made of glass. I feel trapped in our house and since my boyfriend has aspergers and adhd he doesnt notice the obvious signs that I'm on edge, not happy and I have to constantly repeat why I'm upset.
It all came to a head when we finally had a chance to go driving but I hadnt slept well so I was zoning in and out. when we finally got out to the open roads I started crying saying " Im sorry but I cant today afterall. I dont think I can stay awake."
I felt so angry at myself and he saw this which prompted him to ask me for the 10th time that day, " are you ok? whats wrong?"
I snapped. I started crying harder and trying to explain to him that it got under my skin how he felt the need to ask the same question over and over and over. It made me feel like he wasnt listening. He then raised his voice and said," fine. Great. So its my fault, I'm just trying to help but I cant do anything right its just my fault."
He has done this everytime he's seen me upset. Its like he gets tunnel vision and refuses to listen to anyone but his own voice. It escelated from there to the point I was screaming at the top of my lungs, " I NEED A JOB! I NEVER WANTED THIS CAR BUT IM STUCK WITH IT AND IM FALLING BEHIND ON MY BILLS! NOW FUCKING TELL ME HOW IN THE FUCKTHATS YOUR FAULT????? WHY ARE YOU GUILTNG ME?" he slammed on the breaks and got out of the car yelling back, " drive yourself home!"
I got out and kept arguing with him to get back in the car. After a while we went home but the whole way back I was bawling and thinking, " you know.....I just missed a great opportunity. I could have just walked away from him, the car, everything and kept walking till my legs gave and I cold die quietly out in the middle of nowhere."
My depression has taken a turn for the worse since I got here, I'm trying so hard to stay sane and get my life going but I'm trapped.
I am curious of what everyone thinks it's the funniest joke/skit ever done. For me it was Monty Python doing 'the world's deadliest joke' For the younger crowd, you should really watch some of the old Python shows. They were the 'beatles' of comedy
I have four wings, but cannot fly, I never laugh and never cry; On the same spot I'm always found, toiling away with little sound. What am I?