Hi new to posting but trying to look for some sort of support. I have suffered depression most of my life and even though I have taken the steps to get help, I am on anti-depressants and go to couseling, I just don't think I will ever be happy or fit in. I don't really have any friends and my bf just left me for another woman, although he will never admit to me he is with someone else. he has basically cheated on me since day one and we have been together for 4 years I have only really caught him once but I know...I may be depressed but I am not stupid. I finally cut all ties with him today after a month of him stringing me along. It was a hard thing to do especially with my heart telling me to hang on but my brain saying he's a cheat. I know he is with another woman even without real proof my gut tells me so but he will never admit it. So after ups and downs for the past month or so I feel the most miserable. I think I only stayed him for the fear of being alone, but now I just want to curl up in a corner somewhere and fade away. I have always felt like I am on the outside looking in at the world passing me by. I really don't like myself very much either, I feel ugly and fat and unlikeable. I don't think I have ever been happy and everyone that comes into my life just takes what they want and then leave me feeling crushed. I alway feel like I must have been a horrible person in a past life to feel like I do in this life. I just go through the motions. I really hate this.............I am 41 years old and feel like such a waste.