Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
am new here. I've joined just to vent this,out because I am too ashamed to talk to anyone I know. I am sad. I am angry, and I don't enjoy my life anymore.
This pretty constant state of unhappiness began when I discovered that my husband of 12 years was having inappropriate sexual messages with a woman online. Which led me,to dig further and discover years of pornography use, and a drinking problem that he flat out denies is a problem. We are still together. As far as,I know the messaging and porn use has stopped but only because I heavily monitor his phone, email, etc. How can I ever know that he loves me or would stop of his,own accord? I cant. But the drinking....he hides bottles and sips them throughout the evening on work days and all day on non work days. A pint a day that I'm aware of. He then falls asleep randomly and denies that he fell asleep. He forgets things. He slurs and still denies it when I point it out. Our life is stressful enough as it is.
We have children of our own and are raising his family members children as well because she lost them due to a drug addiction. When he's angry with me he says things like...i only wanted two kids not five...and he calls me lazy and tells me there is a line of women that would kill for my life. I would leave him if we didn't have these children. I love him but I feel lonely like he can never fully love me. It wrecked my self esteem when he did those things while I was pregnant. Now I have to wear makeup every day to feel pretty when I used to love my face bare. I stress over picking sexy clothes every day and although I have never been really overweight I lost a lot of weight but now I stress because my butt is flat and I know he likes a big perky butt. I've birthed children so I feel so ugly with loose stretched skin and sagging breasts. I know I'll only get older and less attractive and that thought almost makes me feel sick on a daily basis. I'm constantly wondering who else he prefers to me and if I'm not attractive enough now how could I ever be when I'm older? Is it really too much to ask for a man to keep his eyes and heart on one woman? Why am I not enough? If you read this, thanks for listening. I would literally disappear from my life if I wasn't responsible for my children. Like move to another country...because I feel like I have no one here.
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Hi. This is my first post. I'm here because my husband is an addict and it's having a negative impact on our marriage and my emotional and mental well being. He's an alcoholic who is also addicted to pornography and video gaming. He spends every moment that he isn't at work or sleeping drinking beer, playing his video games, and looking at porn. He's completely pushed me out of his life. We don't...
I am sorry to read about the burdens that are bringing you down. You have a lot going on there. Raising 5 kids and dealing with a toddler of a husband - you are badass! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let yourself feel otherwise.
There is a reasonably active "wives of alcoholics" group here that you may find helpful in discovering that you are far from alone. There is also a good alcoholics group that might be informative. There are a couple of good codependent groups that you may also find informative and supportive.
There is nothing more gut-wrenching than stumbling upon a spouse's unsuspected infidelity - no matter whether physical or emotional. I have been there. The confusion, adrenaline, unreality, etc....is shattering.
How long ago was that discovery for you?
Even just based on the little bit of description, above, your husband is an alcoholic and a controlling abuser. The self-esteem that he has extracted from you was not his to take.
If you have an addict/in-law's children too, I am guessing there is a family history of alcoholism and other dysfunction in your husband's past. Is that correct? That doesn't justify any of his deplorable behavior, but it does offer some clues to why he is the way he is and whether or not he is likely to seek help.
You deserve none of this, you brought none of this on, and you can't really control most of this. You can, however, repeat those facts to yourself and remind yourself that being a mom is relentlessly hard work that nobody appreciates.
For right now, I am glad you found this web community and hopefully it will offer a little flicker of hope that things will get better and easier - or at least you'll gain a better understanding of the many challenges that you are saddled with.
I always end notes this way.....
may the force be with you
above. Please read them deeply and take heed.They are Wholesome
nurturing responses,Please soak it all in and heal.Love yourself,focus on you
please <3 thank you for sharing,Sharing Heals Sharing Heals Sharing Heals
Hugs, xoxo
Here's the real kicker...I have a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and Social Work...which probably has a lot to do with why I am so ashamed to speak about these issues with anyone that I know. I have all of the textbook answers. I've helped countless others. It's so different when your trying to apply those answers to your own life. I was also abused as a child and do not have any close familial ties which probably plays into my extreme giving and pleasing mentality. For those of you with counselors, remember they are human the next time you walk into that office.