Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
How do you improve self-esteem when it's not there?
I recently discontinued sessions since my idiot counselor didn't have 1 suggestion for how to improve my self-esteem. In fact, she said that there's no point in doing positive affirmations since I'm not going to believe what I'm saying to myself anyway.
Depressed that I am, Negative that I am, I agree with her. Any time I try to bolster myself with positive self-talk, I find the self hatred only gets louder and guffaws at the "I am enough, I love myself" mantra.
I find that I can't stand my own company & yet that's who I'm with all the time. My few friends live many states away. In work or volunteer situations, I am not making friends, even though I try. I'm lonely, but it's not "solitude." It is involuntary solitude. I don't like going to movies or restaurants alone (would you?). And so I rarely go out.
This loneliness is pervasive and my lack of self-esteem keeps me from taking steps towards finding a decent job that actually pays above minimum wage (unemployed for a few years now -- always low paying -- as I don't value myself). Haven't had a "relationship" in 20 years. No one looks my way and I am invisible.
My counselor's attitude toward that was 2 fold -- she told me to put on some make up & do up my hair (this is why I fired the idiot!) -- and she told me that I shouldn't look into dating (I'm too afraid to anyway), that I'm not ready. When I asked her, "When will I be ready?" She said, "When you learn to love yourself first."
I'm afraid that's going to take hundreds of years. I'm going to die alone with no one to care about me, aren't I? I feel like I'm never going to have a decent job because I feel unworthy of it.
So, how do you actually improve your feelings of self worth and self-esteem and self-confidence? Are there "tools" that help you on a daily basis? Or techniques you use during stressful times?
Thanks.
I recently discontinued sessions since my idiot counselor didn't have 1 suggestion for how to improve my self-esteem. In fact, she said that there's no point in doing positive affirmations since I'm not going to believe what I'm saying to myself anyway.
Depressed that I am, Negative that I am, I agree with her. Any time I try to bolster myself with positive self-talk, I find the self hatred only gets louder and guffaws at the "I am enough, I love myself" mantra.
I find that I can't stand my own company & yet that's who I'm with all the time. My few friends live many states away. In work or volunteer situations, I am not making friends, even though I try. I'm lonely, but it's not "solitude." It is involuntary solitude. I don't like going to movies or restaurants alone (would you?). And so I rarely go out.
This loneliness is pervasive and my lack of self-esteem keeps me from taking steps towards finding a decent job that actually pays above minimum wage (unemployed for a few years now -- always low paying -- as I don't value myself). Haven't had a "relationship" in 20 years. No one looks my way and I am invisible.
My counselor's attitude toward that was 2 fold -- she told me to put on some make up & do up my hair (this is why I fired the idiot!) -- and she told me that I shouldn't look into dating (I'm too afraid to anyway), that I'm not ready. When I asked her, "When will I be ready?" She said, "When you learn to love yourself first."
I'm afraid that's going to take hundreds of years. I'm going to die alone with no one to care about me, aren't I? I feel like I'm never going to have a decent job because I feel unworthy of it.
So, how do you actually improve your feelings of self worth and self-esteem and self-confidence? Are there "tools" that help you on a daily basis? Or techniques you use during stressful times?
Thanks.
I appreciate this more than you know. Thanks for writing :)
Comparing oneself is violence against oneself. I have to remind myself everytime I go there that my happiness doesn't look like anyone else's. So when I find myself looking at someone's fab picture of a fab night at a fab japanese restaurant, I remind myself that THEY may love that, but I personally don't care for it and would much rather get myself a Subway sandwich and watch some netflix.
Doesn't mean that we can't be open to more things, just know and understand what makes you happy. My son is 14 and is a brain. He's not into music or clothes or sneakers. Just video games and such. You know, what many folks call a nerd. But he's never tried to change and I've never wanted him too. He's quite happy with his nerdiness and his nerd friends!!!! lol!! See he attracted the right people for HIM by being okay with HIM. Happy with HIM and the things that make HIM happy. Sports and all that would make him miserable although that's what a lot of people call 'living'.
I learn more and more everyday! Be you, whoever that is. The right people will come. They will probably be like you, so learn to laugh at yourself and embrace your flaws or you may bristle when these very cool people start coming around. Don't fit in, STICK OUT. I'm kinda weird. Took me a long time to admit that, but there it is!! Huggsss!!!!
I'll just add one more idea here: guided meditation. I have purchased a few cds with self-esteem and healing guided meditations. I like this because while it is someone else guiding me through beautiful messages, it's not a live person in the room with me messing with my specific issues (so no judgement). I especially like to go to sleep listening to them. While I am still dealing with self-esteem issues, the guided mediations are creating a positive dialogue in my head about the issues . . . Wishing you the best.