Other people who treat me well help my self-esteem. For me, I see myself reflected in the eyes of those around me. I can look in the mirror and say "Hey, you. You're ok" and mean it, but if I'm not being treated well by those around me then it becomes harder and harder to believe.

My self-esteem isn't very good, but it's getting better from the few people in my life who make me feel important. I know you're supposed to boost yourself up and ignore the opinions of others, but I don't think most people are built that way. At least not 100%. Humans are a social creature by nature and we all benefit from a little ego boost from others from time to time.

Can you tell the depression community what your strengths are?

This can be small or big things.

I think I am creative - I really love all of the colours of the rainbow.

Maybe if you can focus on your strengths this might make you feel better about your self esteem

I suppose self esteem is so complex and based on all sorts of factors.

But focusing on your strengths and building on these may have a knock on effect on your sense of self.

I hope this helps.

Well hello stranger!

I also have self esteem issues, and in my case too, I find it really difficult to 'believe' in positive affirmations about myself.

On the other hand, I KNOW I have good personal qualities/characteristics... So in self doubting times, I look at a 'list', and say "Yeah, I'm that... and that... and that..." etc It HELPS!

An example list:

Sincere
Honest
Understanding
Loyal
Truthful
Trustworthy
Intelligent
Dependable
Open-Minded
Thoughtful
Wise
Considerate
Good-Natured
Reliable
Mature
Warm
Earnest
Kind
Friendly
Kind-Hearted
Happy
Clean
Interesting
Unselfish
Good-Humored
Honorable
Humorous
Responsible
Cheerful
Trustful
Warm-Hearted
Broad-Minded
Gentle
Well-Spoken
Educated
Reasonable
Companionable
Likable
Trusting
Clever
Pleasant
Courteous
Quick-Witted
Tactful
Helpful
Appreciative
Imaginative
Outstanding
Self-Disciplined
Brilliant
Enthusiastic
Level-Headed
Polite
Original
Smart
Forgiving
Sharp-Witted
Well-Read
Ambitious
Bright
Respectful
Efficient
Good-Tempered
Grateful
Conscientious
Resourceful
Alert
Good
Witty
Clear-Headed
Kindly
Admirable
Patient
Talented
Perceptive
Spirited
Sportsmanlike
Well-Mannered
Cooperative
Ethical
Intellectual
Versatile
Capable
Courageous
Constructive
Productive
Progressive
Individualistic
Observant
Ingenious
Lively
Neat
Punctual
Logical
Prompt
Accurate
Sensible
Creative
Self-Reliant
Tolerant
Amusing
Clean-Cut
Generous
Sympathetic
Energetic
High-Spirited
Self-Controlled
Tender
Active
Independent
Respectable
Inventive
Wholesome
Congenial
Cordial
Experienced
Attentive
Cultured
Frank
Purposeful
Decent
Diligent
Realist
Eager
Poised
Competent
Realistic
Amiable
Optimistic
Vigorous
Entertaining
Adventurous
Vivacious
Composed
Relaxed
Romantic
Proficient
Rational
Skillful
Enterprising
Gracious
Able
Nice
Agreeable
Skilled
Curious
Modern
Charming
Sociable
Modest
Decisive
Humble
Tidy
Popular
Upright
Literary
Practical
Light-Hearted
Well-Bred
Refined
Self-Confident
Cool-Headed
Studious
Adventuresome
Discreet
Informal
Thorough
Exuberant
Inquisitive
Easygoing
Outgoing
Self-Sufficient
Casual
Consistent
Moral
Self-Assured
Untiring
Hopeful
Calm
Strong-Minded
Positive
Confident
Artistic
Precise
Scientific
Orderly
Social
Direct
Careful
Candid
Comical
Obliging
Self-Critical
Fashionable
Religious
Soft-Hearted
Dignified
Philosophical
Idealistic
Soft-Spoken

Might not be ALL of 'them', but I bet there a heaps here (and more that you could think of) that you ARE...!!!

Take care.

xo

Years ago I had extremely low self esteem. I was told to look in the mirror and tel myself "I love you" I couldn't do that so I started out with Your a terrible person and then changed it to I guess your okay. Then I said you at pretty good and l like you.and from there I worked my way up to I Love you and you are a good person. Since then I have had some rocky times letting myself stay positive. But I just continue to struggle every day and I keep trying to tell myself positive affirmations until I believe them not matter how long it takes me. One at a time, just small steps one by one.

Well first of all, your therapist has a defeatist attitude which in turn will give you one in the same. What kind of talk is that coming from a therapist. I think many people at some point in their life suffer from low self esteem but it can change and does change. I had low self esteem for many years until I got tired of being walked on, put down, and knocked around. I guess sometimes you have to get angry and say enough is enough. I am worthy, I am important, and what I say matters. Talk to people that have dealt with low self esteem and find out how they overcame it. It can be done and it will happen for you too! Hugs GB

I go to work.

I learn new things.

1. Gratitude lists.

2. Helping others.

3. Self-appraisal. (i.e. Blowing one's own trumpet)

4. Some 'Me time' to establish boundaries.

5. Talking to others, even if it's just a text.

Hope these help.

Hanging around positive people does wonders. They give u words of encouragement when u need it the most. And they are able to see great things in yourself that you cannot see.

Hello Amelah, you do not know me, and I am one of thousands that are part of the depression group. I have a question. Do you feel better when you read your replies? You have quite a few replies here. My biggest hope is that I can be helpful because it sounds (from your post) like you are in pain. The work you are doing is difficult and not always fun but it is important so please do not quit.

You said your therapist didn't care for the idea of affirmations. Actually, that would be okay if she had something to offer in it's place.

I believe that small affirmations might be okay but you must carefully choose a statement that you might come to believe. Maybe instead of "I love myself or I am enough" you could try something along the lines of "someone will benefit from the action I take today, even if I never know about it." or "When I smile someone will have a better day because of it". Make up something similar that you could possibly believe even if it just for today. Whatever you decide try to keep it short and easy to remember so you can give yourself a little reminder booster shot during the day. You can take just a moment during the day, close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale slowly and say your short affirmation then just open your eyes and move on to the next thing you have to do. I would never promise that any action you will take can completely, by it's self, improve you self-esteem

I have lived with chronic depression for over 25 years and my experience is that anything I try to make myself feel better is worth the effort. If it doesn't work today, it may help with tomorrow, so we keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I think the time spent volunteering is a great idea. It might not be the place that you find your next BFF but it benefits others and that is always a good thing and in your heart I hope you can see that it shows what a kind and compassionate person you are. There are a lot of people in this world in need and there are not enough people like you that are willing to give of their self like you do by volunteering your time and energy. It is a great benefit for those in need to have that person willing to smile and say "let me help you with that problem".

Another thing that you can do is get one of those tall glass candles. The kind you can safely light and leave burning for hours without having to watch it. Use a grease-pencil and write on the outside of the glass something you want. Then light the candle put it in a safe place that isn't at risk of catching fire and just go about your business. It will be like having a prayer going for as long as the candle burns. I like to think of it as sending a plea for help out into the spiritual world and then I just trust that someone in the spiritual world or in this one will hear the plea and answer it.

Do something nice for someone you care about without expecting any type or reciprocation or acknowledgment that you took the time to do it. Send a card, or make a phone call. Anything small that you can do will be appreciated even when you never hear about it. It is your gift to that person.

I hope you will be feeling better after you receive and read your replies to the post. Please don't give up on therapy. Take the time to find a new therapist and while you are searching be sure to tell them you are looking for someone that can give suggestions for action to take toward your goal. Tell them you believe that taking some type of action is important for you to feel like you are contributing to your own recovery. I wish you the greatest luck in your search for a new therapist and I hope you will get a restful nights sleep tonight.

Thank you everyone for your helpful replies and for the techniques and tools that work for you. I appreciate the time you've taken to share them with me. I will incorporate many of your ideas. Some I've been doing, but will look further into how I can expand on them.

((Hugs))

I have battled this issue since I was a little girl. I'm now 58. I can't do the look in the mirror thing and tell myself how wonderful I am Not even just not so bad. When they ask me to write a list of my good qualities I draw a blank, except that I love animals and care about others. I love to laugh, but when your alone things aren't so funny. One thing that I notice in a lot of people with low self esteem is that we treat and think about ourselves in ways we would never treat or think about others. We are so merciless to ourselves. I think part of my problem comes not just from self hatred, but also I feel like I'm "bragging" or something like that if I think anything positive about myself, so I have to fight that too. It is so easy for me to make a long list of what is wrong with me. That's just not right. On another group on this site, we were asked to write something about ourselves using words that started with the letters in our names. Everyone was writing positive things, some humorous, but all good. It took me a long time, even on this anonymous site, but I finally did it. That little exercise meant a lot to me. I had never been able to do that before and feel honest. I'm still working hard on this, but I think, little by little, we have to take action and learn to give ourselves recognition for what we really are. Not what we have made ourselves believe. I bet you don't think about what a good thing it is you do volunteering. I would love to do that, but am chicken to. So, right there is a positive thing about you that not many people have. I'm rambling. I know it's hard and seems impossible to get past the self hatred, but I do think we can find a way to do it. I think it's learning to allow ourselves to give ourselves credit for good qualities that might be what gets us stuck. For that list, I only had to come up with five things. When I wrote it, I was being honest. Now I'm second guessing. It's how we have learned to think and I think that is what we have to learn to change one step at a time. No matter how uncomfortable it seems. Your definitely not alone in trying to overcome this issue. Hopefully people will continue posting what has helped them. Many hugs. Keep writing, please.

Maybe your therapists was just saying your trying to run when your still crawling. We can try to do much to improve ourselves at times and it all just gets to overwhelming.

Yeah it's hard for me to name anything good about myself. But maybe a year or so ago I really just embraced the fact that I'm kind and friendly. Unfortunately in 42 years that's the only two I've come up with. I don't know how exactly you come about it, but if you find out PLEASE let me in on it!! lolol!!

Seriously, to build ourselves up we don't need to recognize huge qualities like business minded, successful ceo etc. It could be I like to help others, I offer everyone a smile, I'm not aggressive with others etc. Try little things. And just because you haven't madeca friend yet doesn't mean that the problem lies within you. It might just be you haven't met a person that you connect with. Also different people offer different things. One person my be the shoulder that you cry on, but you may find that they're never really up for going out to movies. That's where friend two comes in. While they're up for going out, they may never be up for deep meaningful conversations you know? You'll get it!

I too suffer from low self esteem. Always have. I agree that part of the thinking good about myself means Im bragging. I have in the past gotten ready to go out and thought, hmm I look pretty good tonight. That kind of made my whole night feel better. Im not sure what the perfect answer is, but the past 3 nights i put on my headphones and listen to a hypnosis session for positive thinking and positive affirmations. I fall asleep to this. Im hoping this gets into deep into my brain subconsciously and all of a sudden one day I will start believing these things.

I was reading that the more positive things you tell yourself it almost becomes like math. You keep doing/saing the same things over and over and it just becomes a part of your thinking. They used math as an example. What is 2+2? We all know the answer is 4. Why? Because we practiced this over and over again until it was embedded in our memory.

That is what I hope happens to me. Embed these good thoughts. Even if little by little.

Maybe you could go to Youtube and find something. Thats what I did.

It takes a lot of work, basically.

Start with doing things you would admire in other people. (Iknow, easier said than done)

The point is, you will (hopefully) get gratification and a sense of self-worth out of it. It may not happen IMMEDIATELY, but keep working at it. Do it at your own pace.

What eventually happens is what therapists call a ''corrective emotional experience". Meaning you will eventually do something that will result in you respecting yourself, and that is something that you can build on. It becomes self perpetuating.

Expect it to take time.