I wish I knew. I have been trying to make friends too....err not really. I don't really know how to talk to people at all and I am very untrusting(that's not a word, it should be) unless i know I feel safe. Talking to people in person i am extremely uncomfortable and out of order. Like here, I can type and rearrange sentences to make it sound right. I have found(at the risk of sounding crazy) talking aloud to myself, my stuffed animals or my ferret while walking around my apartment like I am talking to someone. I just talk about my day. They don't criticize, make me feel bad or judge me and it tends to help.
It seems to me like your husband is rather controlling and is insecure about himself because he is preventing you from having any other relationships(friends) other than himself.

We are both insecure and we really do not trust each other. Mainly underhanded threats during arguments which usually results in me being called stupid. He acts like he isn't controlling but he mainly uses threats to do it. I get threatened and become insecure all over again and I become controlling as a result and I'm really just tired of it. .....it is sad really. I appreciate the feedback. If someone flat out tells you they will find it elsewhere.......when talking about your love life.....you do tend to have lots of doubt.
On the surface he acts like its ok for


me to have friendships but wants to control what I confide to them. And he does all behind closed doors. I've covered for him only to be made the fall guy.

I understand the trust issue thing......ferrets are awesome......just type what you feel :-)....let it flow from the heart and don't worry about how it sounds :-).

It sure sounds like there are some very unhealthy things going on in your marriage, and talking to someone might indeed help you.

However, In my opinion, talking to friends or family about one's marriage is a bad idea, especially if those friends travel in any of the same circles (or might, at any point in the future, and that's the one that usually comes back to bite you). It's too one-sided, and can exacerbate the trust issues between partners in myriad ways.

A well-known therapist once told my wife and I, "couples need to live in a sacred bubble, a protective shell, and experience things together." That doesn't mean you're cut off from the outside world, only that the minute you talk to someone else about couples problems you are having (or any other private things like how good the sex is!), you crack that bubble. Trust suffers, and all relationships in question get a lot more complicated.

The only exception to this (and it's a very, very important exception), is talking to a professional with client-patient privilege. Psychologists, social workers, doctors, and most spiritual leaders, are all bound by confidentiality, and are all trained to provide counseling in one form or another. It sounds like there is enough going on that you would probably benefit from this. If your hubby won't go with you, go alone--at least one of you will be stronger for it, which will help.

I just sit down next to someone on a park bench, or somewhere people are, and say something, initiating proper conversation openers "hello", "how are you?" etc., eventually steering the conversation around to what I want to talk about; problems, etc.

If they get up and walk away, they don't want to hear my problems. If they stay, listen and invoke their own insights, maybe we've got the start of a friendship there.

@Rioch. An unhealthy relationship is a bit of an understatement. I would like to go to counseling and am trying to schedule it. It just has not been much of an option for some time. His job took me.away from therapy that was working wonders for me. I understand talking to friends and family is.not a good idea a lot of.times but sometimes you do get desperate and simply need to confide in someone. There hasn't been much of anything sacred about our bubble.

Aw, I'm so sorry things are so rough for you. Losing access to a good therapist sucks big time... I hope you find another good one where you're at, soon. Also, remember that WE are all here for you, too!

I hear what your saying,because,I'm in the same situation as you are,trust me..as for friends,don't worry about it,they will find you..just guard your heart,and keep on keeping on,it's what I do,hugs always

Thanks:-). I appreciate it. Peace to you :-)

I have no idea how to make friends...The only thing I know is the few friends I do have found me...All the people I approached first never stuck around. I like what Koolman said, about just sitting down on a bench and start talking. I tried that once on the train ride home from school, and someone actually sat and listened to me. We didn't become friends, but I still was able to get out what I needed to say to someone who wasn't going to judge. You'd be surprised, from the way he looked, he was the last person I would have thought was actually going to listen to me. Big gangster looking guy with tattoos :O

hugs

:-). Yeah sometimes you find things in unexpected places :-). And people are not always how they appear to be :-). Thanks...and hugs back at ya

So are you planning on staying in this marriage? It sounds super unhealthy and abusive. If you can't even go to counseling, what hope do you have?

Do you work? Is there someone at your job that you're kinda close to that would let you talk to them about these problems? Otherwise, I would just do like that other guy said...find a stranger and talk as long as they will listen. If you ever go in bars that's always a good place. If not, a coffee shop might work if that person can pull their head out of their smartphone/iPad/laptop long enough.

Or dogs. I find that my dogs make the best listeners. They don't do well for advise, but they listen and cuddle with me no matter my mood.

Good luck! I hope you find a solution and ditch your d-bag husband!

Talking to friends and family about your relationship can hurt you later. Someone will repeat what you've told them in confidence. Or they will look at you a certain way- differently. Why did you say he did this or that and you are still with him.
A few nights ago, my neighbors were arguing about this exact thing. She told her friends something about him. He found out. He felt that she shouldn't be talking to her friends about her relationship, on and on. Now he wonders about the friends, who knows what about him. It got very messing.
Friends are very hard to make. You didn't say you work outside the home, but if you do, anyone at work you can start a friendship with? Nothing big at first- you may turn out not to like them, anyway. Lunch here, break there? Ask about their week end, or last evening. You may be surprised, they may be looking for a friend too. Your husband sounds controlling. He doesn't want you to have friends. Strenght in numbers. Someone might tell you something that opens your eyes and gives you strength!
You see someone walking their dog, stop and ask about the dog. I love to chat about my dog, I think other people do too. Now you have an opening.
I hope this helped.
I found this site has helped me alot. There are things going on that I don't want my friends and family to know about, but I need to get it out. So, I come here. That makes me feel better.

I had a long reply but I'm on my cell and I lost it. I would be glad to chat with you further esp if you have questions of what I mean. I was in that kind of marriage and thought it was better to stay in it. Once it was over I felt happy, strong, and empowered. I no longer had to deal with the things I hated in my marriage.

I don't think once the trust is gone and maybe you should think about ending it. I think going to a therapist is an excellent idea as they can help guide you and give you ideas you might not of thought of.

As for friends I don't know how to meet them either. I also think this may a bit much to put on someone new. The exception of course is places like this support group.

I hate the way I said all that...I had it written so much better before. I'm here I'd you want to chat. *hugs*

It won't take long for you to make friends right here at DS. And you will also get the support you obviously need very badly. We are not here to judge. We certainly don't want to be judged. Keep posting and we will support you the best way that we can.