Sending love to you friend, I am struggling with the same issues. I wish I had a magic solution. It's just awful.

I have interesting reactions when people say that they want to be the best (what ever) that they can. Mostly I keep it to myself, but it is often laughter.

The problem is that we have many things we do as part of being who we are. If we are to be the best at something, then any effort not devoted to that deprives us of that goal. Want to be the best at your work? Then personal relationships must come second. Or third, or last. same sort of statement for no matter what you want to be the best at.

Once I adopted that idea, then balancing my time to be good enough at many things quickly became an issue of who gets to decide what good enough is?

And the best person to decide what is good enough for you is YOU!

Thank you, guys <3

Forget perfecting any aspect of life, I feel like I'm failing at just being a decent person! I've got so much shame and guilt. I hate myself so very much and that self hatred feels crippling sometimes. I guess in general I don't let it cripple me, because I do function fairly well every day and manage to get some bare minimum of stuff done. But some days, ugh, it is so very close to the surface.

I tell myself I AM good enough--it's THE WORLD that is not good enough

Hello friend! I'm right there with you. I take my own shortcomings and failures extremely hard. I feel as if they are a constant reminder of how inadequate I can truely be.. I have to keep reminding myself that all and all I'm a pretty accomplished individual with plenty of good going on in my life. Some days that's easy to do, some days ..not so much. Hang in there, though, because you certainly are not alone. Don't forget to surround yourself with people that remind you how great you are :)

Okay well we either laugh at this or we take it seriously. If you are determined to take it seriously, you have to basically acknowledge your crimes, atone for them, put them right.

All of these terrible crimes of yours.

Write them all down. Confront, in your own mind, each of them - ONE BY ONE. Systematically, thoroughly, completely.

Clear your conscience.

Say you're sorry. fix things.

Much, I am in a similar place. A combination of mistreatment at work and depression made me quit my job and maybe my career. In spite of my mood swings, I'd been successful for eight years, a record for me. Now, at 52, I have to rebuild. Life is expensive and I'm not going to work for minimum wage, I'm not going to suffer that much. I've got a wife I love and family members that I love, so checking out isn't an option. I haven't worked in six months, but it is time to get back on the horse. How do I rebuild after failure? Can I rebuild after failure? We will see what happens!

good point, bridgie. *sigh*

good luck, freeheeler

Everyone makes mistakes, life is a series of choices. Some mistakes matter others not so much. But the past is the past you can't change that but you can change your future, start making better choices today! Don't accept others definition of perfection, what is perfection? Perfection is up to you and what you want it to be, who do you want to be? Make it happen one small choice at a time.

You're NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY toomuch. Sheesh!

You need to give yourself a damn good hiding. My mother had a lovely saying, in amongst many things. One day someone said to her 'humility isn't one of your failings'. She said 'of course not, i have no failings'.

My brother piped up 'nobody's perfect' and mum countered with

"I am entirely perfect.

In order to be the perfect human being, all I have to be, is perfectly human."

Now: isn't that worth keeping?

Tell me toomuch. How human are you? 60%? 80%?

Or are you, perchance, 100% human?

Well. You must be perfect then.

:p don't sweat the small stuff!

I agree with bridgie, whatever is bothering you from your past, confront it one by one and make it right if you can. I've done a lot of horrible things in my past but the great thing is we don't have to live in the past. We can start to make a change for our future. Every morning you wake up, you get the chance to better yourself as well as those around you. No one is a perfect person. The hardest thing to do is learn to forgive yourself even if you don't feel like you deserve it. Once you are able to do that you will be able to start moving forward. You're not a failure, you're just human like the rest of us. Keep your head up :)

My psych told me to read "The Four Agreements". It was very helpful to me in not feeling good enough.

How about making a list of ten things that you like about yourself and then ask the closest person to you to write down ten things they like about you. Every morning when you get out of bed, read both lists and try to focus on all those things throughout the day. Do that every day. You will be surprised!

God Bless!