Some religion helped me ... tremendously.

It's gonna have to take a huge change in mindset. Religion alone can't do it; I've been Christian all my life and I was a grumpy old sod for most of my adult life.

It begins with journaling and noticing in black-and-white how you express the thoughts in your head. Once you deal with the issues that are bugging you, then you can learn to accept them for what they are; no matter if they're ideal or not.

I heard, "God has three answers to prayer;

1. 'Yes!'

2. 'Not Yet!'

3. 'I've something better lined up!'"

Another expression I heard was, "If you see a light at the end of the tunnel, make sure it's not a Gorilla wearing a Miner's Hat carrying a Baseball Bat!"

Also, in the topic of Gorillas, I heard, "If you get screwed by a Gorilla, it doesn't end until the Gorilla's finished!"

It's gonna have to take practice, but it's worth it.

I have a little jar on my desk and when I'm feeling negative I write down one good thing that happened in the day and put it in the jar. You end up with quite a collection of positive things to reflect on and it's always there to look at when you're feeling negative.

I think it's a lot of small steps and hard work but you can do it.

You know what's really weird. I checked my messages for the first time ever because I thought that they were all from Team DS and the only other one was from you saying some kind things to me in March last year when I was having a rough time. So I wanted to say thank you and you are wonderful.

Take care Barbara!

I am so similar I seen cognitive behavioural therapist awhile ago who suggested small steps ie set goals like wash dishes or tidy up something etc. ( I have issues with house work lol)

http://www.get.gg/docs/TheParrot.pdf

I found this helps

I would recommend doing a logic paper at university. It'll teach you the skills to stop yourself from drawing conclusions from inadequate numbers of premisses.

Makes us challenge our conclusions and ask ourselves - do I really know that, or am I just guessing?

I'm going to send you a message on this one but for now, I just want to say that working on keeping a journal with you at all times, and every time you have a negative thought or experience, write it down and ask yourself why? Why am I negative? What am I getting out of it? How is it helping my life? And is it easier than having to face that you have to learn a new behavior? Please message me if you want to talk. I have to work on my negativity towards myself all the time! Hugs

I find that giving myself permission to NOT worry about something can work. Especially if it is something that either does not impact me, or if it is something that I can not control.

I send out invitations via email to family for Easter Dinner. 4 went to my late sister's family, only 2 responded. No worries, I have a folding table if they show up without RSVPing and extra food.

Gentle hugs

Change your words! Words are powerful tools! They are our sword and our shield! Use aggressively positive, dynamic words to describe yourself, what you want, what you're working toward. Continue to read, to expand that word vocabulary, that knowledge base. And physically exercise. Do whatever you can.

Agree with the journaling. And after you've poured your soul into a journal entry, go back and EDIT it, MAKE REVISIONS to it (DS offers an edit feature for journaling) to make it not so negatively emotionally charged and more logical. Maybe keep the original entry just to see how you express yourself in a raw emotional state...AND keep the revised, more logical, more polished version. You'll find the differences fascinating. Eventually, once you've broken a negative emotional diatribe down into its simplest components of logic, the negative emotion goes away, replaced by HUMOR, a funny sense of IRONY.

It's not about replacing a negative outlook with only positive, fluffy, ethereal, dreamy clouds of positivity. Sometimes what could be called "negative" is actually an accurate description of REALITY. The trick is being able to look at something negative, acknowledge that it is what it is, and being able to LAUGH about it.

Hope this helps.

I really like what Kool has to say about words. Many years ago my boss and I started to look at problems as opportunities to do something good. We often said it sarcastically, but it did help us through the bad times.

My therapist reminded me of this fact last week: You can try to stop negative thoughts in the moment, but if you don't replace it with something, the negative thoughts just come back. You've got to push the negative out and replace with positive in one motion.

I have a list in the top drawer of my desk that has some simple sentences to replace my more frequent negative thoughts. So when I make a mistake and I start to beat myself up for it, I open the drawer and read, "I am capable. I am able to easily recover from my mistakes right now."...and it jars me into action instead of wallowing in my pity.

For you it might be, I am safe, or, I trust the people I love to make the best decisions for their health and wellbeing (like turn off the headlights).

I use that last one too when I get frustrated with my Beloved for not doing things that *I* want him to do *right now!* I remind myself that I love and trust him and that if he isn't anxious that *he* didn't do what *he* has to do for work, (note that it has nothing to do with me) then I'm not going to waste my precious energy...I've got a lot of other stuff to be anxious about! :)

You could also do some visualizations...using the same example, since you've got a picture in your head of your husband not turning off the headlights and all the consequences to that...try imagining what would happen if he did turn off the headlights. The car would start easily, he would get home safely, you'd give him a hug and he'd tell you he had a good day, you'd sit down to dinner, etc. etc. Play that movie instead of the other one in your head.

Good luck and blessings.