Oh, okay I didn't read all the comments and this has just popped up.

Depression - In my experience, try medication, it has helped so many of my friends, but do so in an environment that you can speak to someone, have someone monitor you and care about you.

Insomnia - I cannot recommend enough Zopiclone, it knocked me out, I woke up able to go to work and felt numb for days after, not an ideal solution and they wouldn't give it to me when they read my notes ( I self harmed as a teenager) but... it worked darn well for me.

Oook....If these people respected you, then how would you feel about yourself?

You have got to start writing your own story. You let everyone else write your story. FORGET THEM!

Think about and make a list of things you respect in a person. Then, each day, strive for those things. Striving towards respectful things is worth MY respect and makes you a respectful person. No one is perfect and EVERYONE LOSES. But, if you keep striving, eventually you will have a personal gain to be proud of. The only way you won't get it is if you QUIT.

I find it very liberating to make my own story. You are allowing your boyfriend's friends to tell you what is what. Have you ever asked yourself "WHY DO THEY GET THE POWER TO DICTATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE'S WORTH?"? The answer is THEY DON'T HAVE THAT POWER AT AAAAALL. AT ALL. They put you down because they feel powerless. It's the only way they know how to deal with change or differences. But, that has nothing to do with you or your abilities.
The only one who can tell you that you matter is YOU. You just have to TAKE THE STEPS TO FULFILL YOUR PERSONAL GOALS. If others' opinions stop you from being happy or doing what you want to do, that means you are just agreeing with anything anyone says.

If A friend told you the sky should be red, would you agree with them because They said so, or would you check your own opinion first? I rather like blue. Red would stress me out. See? Same thing happening with other people. I would try to like a red sky. But, deep down, I would always be uncomfortable. I might even get use to having a red sky. But, I will miss out on and forget how beautiful the blue sky really is to me. The truth is, we never really forget ourselves. The moment we try to be what others want us to be is the moment we become unhappy....It is very dangerous to live like that for too long. Don't do that to yourself. You don't deserve it.

I do try be myself, but that makes me as unhappy as when I try to be someone that other people like. I can't win.
And with the medication, the stuff I've taken hasn't worked, and I', already on a whole load of pills and shit for physical illnesses I have, I really don't want to be altering my body and internal any more than I already have to. I don't talk to people because nobody wants to hear it, I can't go to anyone professional because I can't let my parents find out and since I live in the middle of nowhere and can't drive I have to rely on them to get places, plus I'm broke. I can't afford anything and I can't get to anything. When my parents found out I tried to commit suicide they had me pretty much on lock-down for months. I'm just lucky they didn't find out any of the other times. I'm literally trapped. The only real option I have is talking to people, and I have nobody to talk to except my boyfriend, and he worries about me enough already, I don't want to bring him down any more, and he's going to uni soon so when he goes I won't even have him. Can you see my problem? There's nowhere I can go.

Why does being yourself make you unhappy?

If you had somewhere to go, what would you expect from them?

Being myself makes me unhappy because I hate who I am, and not just because of what other people say.
If I had somewhere to go I'd just expect them to support me and give me somewhere to stay for a bit while I sort myself out. But I can't legally move out yet without going to another family member or registered guardian.

sounds like you need "new" people.

I've read the responses and yours and now I know a little more. Perhaps you are not giving your parents a fair chance. It sounds to me, like maybe that's exactly who you should be talking to.
"lock down", were they trying to protect and keep an eye on you? did they talk to you and ask about you? did they offer support?
I don't know what medical issues you are dealing with, but others often see that as weak, rather than the true strength you actually have.
And, I say, if you are going to be unhappy no being yourself, then being unhappy being yourself is the best bet, and eventually you will find others' that like the real you. and your bf may already. Be yourself, tell you parents you need therapy, as hard as it may be. I asked for therapy when I was younger than your age, I was refused it by uncaring guardians. Give your folks a try. what have you really got to lose by it?

My parents know that I've had depression since I was 11, and when my mum first found out I self-harmed she told me I was attention seeking and being stupid. Since then we've talked about it and she's apologised but both my parents have refused to let me have treatment apart from some drugs, which didn't work. My dad called it a "private family problem that no-one should know about" My parents aren't the kind of people I could ever go to. My mum just doesn't understand no matter how many times I've tried to explain and trust me I've spent 6 years explaining. And me and my dad don't get on. He goes out of his way to make things more difficult for me. We have an openly mutual relationship of hate towards each other. It's not me overreacting, he's told me god knows how many times that I get in the way, how much he wants to strangle me, how he can't wait for me to move out, etc. , not just when he's mad but when he's perfectly happy. It's just a fact, not a threat or an insult.

Skipping over replies, so please forgive if I say what somebody else has already said.

A...your boyfriend. WTF????? If his buddies are seriously picking on you, he needs to stand up for you and tell them to knock it the fuck off, or else you can send him packing. Just my opinion on that, I know it's much easiser said than done, but he should be your safe place, not a source of insecurity.

And for the rest of the question...there's different ways to go about it. If you're religious or spiritual in some ways, (again, sorry if I missed something) you may believe you were created. There you go...would you create a piece of shit (obvious bodily needs notwithstanding LOL)? I don't think so.

So there's that. There's also the positive things that you do. Stop shaking your head. I know there are good things about you. There are good things about everybody. Which includes you. Try focusing on those...even writing them down maybe...you could even try leaving little love notes for yourself around the house (if you live alone...lol...I might not do it with roommates, but hey, that's just me :P) telling yourself precisely why you're awesome.

It doesn't have to be anything huge. How many of us can say we've cured a disease, or brought peace to warring nations? Uh...crickets.

But I bet you do a lot of things very well. Hell, having good hair is a point in your favor. Any little thing that's good. Focus on it. Don't forget that you are a unique individual and that, all on its own without accomplishments or anything, is plenty awesome. Nobody else can be you. Ever.

Oh and that's the last thing I had to say. Don't try for good enough, or passable, or whatever. You are AWESOME. You kick ass. You rock. I promise, you really do.

Focusing on the good stuff is only gonna reveal that cool little truth to you. If theres' stuff you want to change, change it. But never believe that you're 'less than' or any other such bullshit. You know that Pink song? Fucking Perfect? Please listen to that for me.

Sorry I wrote a fricken book here...I'm caffienated and taking a break from rabid-squirrel cleaning lol...but your post grabbed me. You're perfect, doll. I promise.

You strike me as sensitive and compassionate. I like that in a person. Whatever fears you have about yourself, know that everyone else has those same fears to some degree. Your father is a fool. That's why you have no confidence in yourself. If your parents were supportive, you would have already told those boys and your boyfriend to eff off. You need confidence. Be confident in your flaws. Be nice to yourself, like you would a friend.

After many years of therapy, I met my current boyfriend who described me as being "confident in my insecurities". It was what he admired. I was at the understanding that none of us are perfect and I don't have to be either whether others understood that or not. If people didn't know I or anyone didn't have to be perfect, they just needed to CATCH UP (with reality and a healthier way of thinking). And trust me, people who understand that reality are the TRULY happy people. I hope you get my drift cause I could ramble on and on....

There is a lot of good advice here. I hope you are able to do something with it.

Be better to yourself than those who hurt you have been.

Good luck

I don't know how to love myself either. Even my mother couldn't stand living with me and moved out after just 3 months. I constantly see myself reflected in the eyes of others and so see myself as they see me. I understand your problem. Prayers for us both.

It is my belief that this is the cycle of most people's lives. that cycle that makes them spiral further and further down. I suggest you seek and find a spiritual path that is healing to you. For many it is Christianity, for others it is other paths. For me personally, with depression and anger issues, and past issues in setting boundaries with others (which I think is your issue as well) my salvation is going to be in practicing Buddhism and learning all I can about the Buddhist way of life.

Also creating things helps, something you're good at, create something that you feel proud of, nobody else has to like it or even see or know what it is, don't share it with pigs, but if you know any supportive people at all you may feel like sharing it with them.

I have to say the one thing that makes me feel better is writing poetry, but I don't like what I write, and the only people I've shared it with have ended up hurting me.
Christianity didn't help me, I gave up on religion a long time ago. I don't want to offend anyone but I just don't see how there can be a loving or caring deity in a world that is a living hell for a lot of people. I find it hard to find a reason to live every single day, and there are people who go through so so so much more, my problems in comparison are luxuries. Faith just doesn't seem to make sense to me or help. But thankyou for your advice