People say I am very nice. After I taken the psychoic drug, My major depression came up. Since then I feel unstable, depess. Feels like yelling at people.

Hello Dear

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Thanks for sharing! My best suggestion would be to keep your distance and pray like crazy for your mom.
Blessings

Your going to have to keep your distance. Sometimes that's the best course to take for everyone involved. I know you want a relationship with your mom but you got your wife and child and your own sanity. If your the one who cut ties with her she will eventually catch on your not going to keep feeding on her bs anymore and eventually will try to change or she can also be stubborn and not change which is okay (and not okay)because her choice so there's nothing u can do to change her mind. However on a lighter note to her not changing for the better is that by cutting her out life in a sense gets a bit easier for you without all the violent screaming and drama. I choose to believe that most often when people cut out a toxic person that eventually that toxic person will soon see what they become and change. It's happen to me and it's sorta happen to my parents as well (mom is over controlling, dad is a depressed possible bipolar narcissist). Let me give some more advice. It's not selfish to put yourself and your wife and child before your parents/who ever the hell raised you as a child.
Especially if said parent is toxic. Same thing applies vise versa.

I'm new to this website so I apologize for the 2nd comment but I also relate on wanting a stable relationship with your mom cause that's all I ever wanted with my parents however that wasn't the case and in the end I pushed them away cause I couldn't take it anymore (not just them but other personal reasons too) . I hope things will work out for you and your family love.

IN MY OPINION, ... your responsibilities are in the following order:

Child, Wife, Self, and Mom. Due to whatever it is, mental illness or ???, these responsibilities cannot mix. Breaking and entering, assault on you (pushing past you), calling the police, violence against your child (exposure) violence against your wife ... enough is enough.

I have not been through this because I WOULDN'T go though it. Love her all you want, but recognize she has a problem that is bigger than you are ... and bigger than she is ... most likely. Next time anything like this happens, .. and it will, make a police report and pursue a permanent restraining order.

The young one is not going to get a 'relationship' with this Granma because this Granma does not qualify for one.

I agree with WanderingVet. Therapy would help if your mother realized that she is part of the problem. Since she is not willing to consider that she is part of the problem, then that tends to eliminate some options.

My suggestion would be to go back to therapy by yourself, or with your wife. Focus on understanding what your mother's diagnosis is. Obviously they may not be able to do so without her being present, but they should be able to tell you what they think is going on with her, and give you some options on how to deal with her.

For example, we learned at a young age that our daughter was ADD. While her therapy was private, they were able to help me learn more effective ways to interact with her. It was not always easy, but we all learned, and she is now a self sufficient woman who is totally independent.

Your mother sounds to me (and I'm not a professional) like she is a bit bipolar, untreated and unmedicated bipolar. There may be ways to interact with her that are more effective than others. My raw guess is to avoid long dialogs with her. Simple statements sound more effective, even though it sounds like she turns things against you.

Have you talked to other family members about your mother's issues? My MIL is, well, old stubborn and a bit paranoid. Even though she lives with us, all her kids (4 in all) are on the same page and will not let her play one of them against the other.

Very good insight, Pepper. IF ... IF she is bipolar, a good diagnosis and proper medication could make her a new person.

Ouch! Mother problems are always about boundaries. I have almost the same thing happen to me. It is important to stay firm on your boundaries. I know that hurts that you will be without her in your life, but it will also protect mental injury to your children and your wife.

My children were terribly effected by my mothers emotional and mental abuse. They still talk about it and they are now young adults. It is obvious that your mother has some mental disorder. People like that can not be reasonable.

I had to give my mom up to God and leave her in his hands. I had to let her go. If it was God's intension to change her that was up to him. Sometimes we do not see the purpose in our situations. Perhaps, she could come to realize that you were not giving in than she might take you seriously and learn a lesson from it all. If she does not than, this may sound cold, but it is her loss.

I know it is painful especially during the holidays. If you have siblings they must also see her disfunction and not take it out on you, but support you in your decision, unless she has such a strong hold on your family that they give into her insanity.

I wish you the best, This issue was one of the hardest things to get over. God bless you!

I can promise you that no good will come from forcing your son and your mother to have a relationship. He will have bad memories, maybe even nightmares, if he hasn't already. Early exposer to people like this can damage a child even more than an adult.

I know she's your mom and you'll hear a ton of people tell you "blood is thicker than water," "it's your job to care for her because she cared for you" blah blah blah... No it's not your job to care for her now and deal with her crap because you didn't exactly get a choice on who raised you. Had you had a choice, I bet you would be like me and make a different one.

She assaulted you and your wife and terrorized your son. Why would you subject them to her ever again? Seriously ask yourself that. He'll be fine without a grandmother but an unstable grandmother can cause real damage, physical and mental.

Keep her out of your life. If she comes to realize that something is wrong AND gets help AND apologizes, only then would I consider meeting her for coffee in a public place. Then go from there.

my mother has dementia on top of a few other things.

My method is to be the concrete block wall against the tide of the sea. Just be still. You don't have to worry too much about mum. Yesterday she hated you all. Today she's vaccilating the other way. Think of her as a pendulum swinging, always swinging. How she is today is the opposite of how she will be tomorrow.

And just be the concrete block wall. Solid.. Immobile. let mum be the waves beating on the wall. let mum be the dog scrabbling at the wall. Let mum be whatever she likes.

Don't put her down, but don't put her up either. She is what she is. could be mentally ill or could have alzheimers. Or both. Both is FUN.

Don't beat yourself up. You are doing the right thing by protecting your child and wife. This is not your fault. Your mother obviously needs professional help. So try to be kind to yourself and don't take the burden of her actions on your shoulders and heart. It must be so hard for you to witness her behavior. However as I said, it is not your fault and you are taking safe precautions to protect your family.

Oh my! What a horrible situation. I am sure you love your mom and want to do what is right by her, but at the same time, you want to protect your wife and child too. I am sorry you are going through this.

You mentioned you and your mom have had therapy together. Have you and your wife talked to anyone together about how to deal with your mom? Maybe that would be a good way for you two to develop a strategy, together, to deal with you mom when she shows her unstable tendencies. I think that might be a great way to ensure you and your wife maintain a strong and stable relationship...by working together to endure this issue.

Thank you all for the encouragement and advice. I always find strength through the support I get here.

From my perspective as a Mother ,i think she has been hurt deeply. I would ask her to meet up somewhere. Maybe she feels no needed anymore..people get angry because they are hurt.