Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
This is for anyone who's been bullied, never felt good enough, or made to feel envious of another person. You're not alone. We all feel the effects of this. 
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It's National Doughnut Day!Which three would you like? (never mind the calories, fat, or sugar content; just go with what you would pick if none of that mattered and whatever health issues you might have that would keep you from eating one in real life can be cast aside for this exercise as well... have at it!)
You made my week...to know that something I wrote helped someone else is the best feeling...because I've been where you are...and if my life experiences can save someone heart ache, pain, or alleviate some suffering...it wouldn't be all for nothing. From my soul...thank you for your kind words!
After reading your post, and reflecting on your headspace this is what I think is going on.
Dee, I think you got yourself a classic narcissist there. The guy who switches from Prince Charming to Mr. Asshole, you know depending on which way the wind was blowing that moment.
Highs can be very high with these personality types and really low when things go south. It has addictive qualities.
What you're suffering from is congitive dissonance. I had this too. It's where you have two opposing thoughts and your brain can't make sense of this. For example: This man loves me (heart tells you this). This man is hitting me. (Reality/Evidence). Brain is thinking...(people who love us, don't hit us)....confused confused confused confused.
Narcissits are PhD level manipulators. Once they get you to doubt yourself and your thoughts, throw in cognitive dissonance, they have exactly where they want you.
He's throwing every fucking stupid reason he can conjure to doubt yourself...and explain away his shitty behavior.
So you deserve poor treatment bc you dated a much older man so you are disgusting? Last time I checked being an older person doesn't make you disgusting, let alone to date one. I think an asshole who says crap like that is disgusting. He is the disgusting one who can treat and speak to someone he loves this way. It's called projection. He is the disgusting one, and calling you disgusting. Don't buy into the bullshit.
And of course, the classic...let's drive a wedge b/w anything she loves or cares about to further isolate her. That being your son. Fuck that's your kid, and he's your number one priority. If anything that statement alone, shows you his lack of maturity and concern for others.
Disgusted noises at your partner calling you. I pretty much feel if you breathed wrong this guy would have a comment for that too.
And yes, he clearly is teaching you, brainwashed you...that everything is your fault. Classic narcissist. Dee it is NOT YOUR FAULT! These characters lack empathy and only like you when you're fulfiling their needs. When you have needs, it's like how dare you have them!
You also give him your entire paycheck. I'm sorry it's cost you financially as well.
Ok...so Dee...here's the deal. There was a reason he was attracted to you. Narcissist tend to like quality women, with lots of love and kindness, and are forgiving. I'm sure you are all these great things and more.
But the only way they can keep you around is by breaking you down. Prince Charming is just an act. The asshole is the true self. You miss him b/c abusive relationships fall into addictive patterns. Partner is nice, things get tense, violence, partner acts remorseful, promises to change, and victim has hope, and the change doesn't last. But you long for that moment of relief again after the pain.
Dee, I need you to research narcissitic personality disorder, healing from abusive relationships. Many times verbal and emotional abuse have deeper wounds then physical abuse.
When you're missing him, that's literally the physical withrawal you're feeling form desiring a connection with him to relief your anxiety. It's like the apology you're waiting for after all the abuse.
Hang in there...and it is going to hurt like hell...obsessive thoughts...negative thinking and anxiety...you're going to have to withdraw like a drug addict. Thank God it was only for 3 years.
You have to work on getting back to who you were before you met him. You have to look into your past and research about codependency. We know a bad dude when we see one, but why do we allow ourselves to tolerate one as long as we do?
I'm very proud of you seeing the light before it got on to the 10 year mark of misery. I'm so happy that you're taking steps to get control of your life again. I'm so happy you are beginning to see him for what he is.
Right now you may feel like you're a shell of your former self..and that's just temporary...something tells me you're a fighter..and you're going to find a way back to yourself. You're doing great! Keep it up.
Sending you light and love.
I loved your response to this situation! I think you’re on-point with everything you said.
Happy Birthday Dee! Enjoy your independence and freedom!