Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I find myself not specifically in a state of increased depression but more so in a headspace that harbors a lack of interest. I stopped doing things that are good for me because I dont think I am going to get better and I'm convinced that I'll just die in this world all alone. I'm not suicidal. I just punish myself by existing in this life. I stopped praying, going to the gym, eating healthy, I stopped going fishing, running, stopped talking to girls, swimming, and stopped doing anything it is that I previously enjoyed. Instead, I do random bullshit throughout the day which then brings me closer to work. I go to work with a smile on and maintain that smile, but as I drive home at night all the thoughts just find their way back. My depression is winning. I dont want to talk about counselors because I have been to 4 in the last 3 years, the last two which were not that helpful and I dont want to talk about medication because I have an addictive personality. I just want to say that I'm scared. Scared of everything always going wrong, scared that God isn't listening, scared that I'll die all alone somewhere, and just scared that I'll always be here stuck in this mindset.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Can you find another place to work, or is it money that makes you stay and endure despite the unhappiness that it has caused you? Changing careers, or change your job, or move to another place where you can find new friends and acquaintances.
Job and money aside, I seriously believe that you should check yourself in a hospital to get urgent treatment. You may have a chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you feel depressed and suicidal. Alternatively, are you taking any medications/supplements that make you feel depressed?
Is it your loneliness that makes you depressed? Can you take a leap of faith and find a confidant that you can trust to unload when you are depressed?
Another helpful idea is for you to call those Suicide prevention hotline. On top of the DS page, under the legend "Crisis" is a list of phone numbers that you can ring to obtain mental health support.
Hang in there, and reach out to these crisis helplines to get the necessary psychological and medical support. Take care, and please look after yourself. Write more posts when you can and let us know how you are doing.