A little over a year ago I took a leap and decided to move out of state away from my family to be with my boyfriend..it's been everything, but perfect. In this whole year I've felt the weight of everything I'm feeling get heavier and heavier until I felt like I'm drowning and no one can save me. I've always believed in Mental health issues, but I never really knew the struggles until I left the place I felt safest. So I never really thought they'd be as debilitating as they've been for me. My boyfriend says I'm weak and if I was strong the things that weigh heavy on me would just brush off me, so I find myself questioning how I'm feeling like  "Am I just being dramatic?" I've texted the crisis hotline twice because I felt if I didn't talk to someone I'd make a choice that'll hurt everyone I love because the way I'm feeling is too unbearable. Recently, my boyfriend did something to break my trust and I said put yourself in my shoes. Try to understand how I'm feeling. His response was I can't put myself in your shoes because you are a weak little fly to him that was hardly an insult but for me I felt every word he said as though I'm a joke, I'm little, and unimportant. As I'm crying he tells me how am I suppose to feel like you're strong when you do that? So in turn I feel even worse. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to break things, I want to hurt myself, and sometimes I even want to die just so I don't have to feel the weight of my feelings anymore. I stress about things that have yet to happen, I stress about finances, I stress about my future, I stress about missing my family, I stress about stressing, I stress about my job, I stress about what people think of me, and I stress about how I feel about myself. I just want to find help and deal with my feelings. It's become too much to handle alone and I've been treading water for so long I feel like it's only a matter of time before I drown.