Yesterday was rough for me. Well, most of my days have been rough lately. Especially the last week or two. My suicidal thoughts had returned. My constant state of despair and hopeless returned. My motivation for anything disappeared. My drinking picked up again to everyday. I've been focusing too much on the things that have hurt me. I found myself in a situation recently that tore me up. It broke my heart and left me feeling alone. I've spent so much of my energy dwelling on this situation. Yesterday I decided was my day one of sobriety. If I can get my drinking under control I know eventually everything else can fall into place. Im making a strong effort to put my focus into the areas in my life that need improving. Daily changes will make these improvements happen. So I'm starting slow. I'm working on myself. I know I deserve to be happy,and need to be happy. We all do. Taking care of ourselves is very necessary to achieve this. I have to learn to understand my pain so I can make it better. I have to accept what I cannot change and more forward. It won't be easy. But I have to keep trying, keep fighting for the happiness I long for. Because ultimately I am the only one who can make me happy.