Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Feeling Unloved!

ruthgrps
ruthgrps

For the past few weeks I have felt totally unloved.  I have a disabled daughter which I am carer of.  A husband, who a few years ago had an affair, for about 3 years off and on.  I am living in a sexless marriage.  


I just feel so alone, burdened down with nothing but responsibility and worries, monetary worries, health worries my daughters, husbands and actually mine.  My husband Gareth is the healthiest amongst us.


MY parents are dead, I have no siblings, the cousins I grew up with have moved away. I have few friends.  


I feel so down, depressed, even a friend of mine where I go to off load, has missed this month, she used to be a nun, so what I say to her stays between us.  I am not seeing her until August, which isnt far away now, but I noticed she missed July, and all her body language says is that she is closed to me, she crosses her arms when I am talking to her.  Maybe she doesnt want too know anymore, maybe I am boring her.


I  would just love to know someone who I felt actually did love me,  Emma would probably say that she does love me, but, I am finding on times I want out of caring for her, but there is no one else.  Gareth I dont know anymore.  Maybe he is here just because he has no where else to go.


Help, I need advice and love how do you get it and from where, we have been married 28 years.





DementedDoll
DementedDoll
I think this calls for some self-love. Do something to show yourself you care, bubble bath, hair cut, look at the flowers, watch the sunset, take yourself on a date, take a class in something you want to learn, pamper. Sometimes this on it's own will help your partner realize what they forgot about you, and it will certainly make you feel better too.

I don't have children of my own but I have grown up in a house with a daycare in it, so I have known a lot of parents. Every parent feels that way sometimes. It is fine to feel this way, maybe even have a few days where she stays with a friend or your husband takes care of her. In the end you love her and that's the part that matters.
DementedDoll
DementedDoll
Oh and as for the friend, the only way to know what she is thinking is to ask her. Wondering and panicking over what she might think is much worse than hearing what she actually thinks.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
I agree with Demented about asking your friend. Friends are important, but it is also important to not overload our friends, and to not make it a one way support thing.

I am so sorry you are having trouble with your husband. Can you guys go to therapy? A good therapist can help each of you talk to and listen to each other. It is easy to speculate about what is going on in his head, but what Demented said about your friend goes for you and your husband. Talking can really help, but it can be very scary too.

Gentle hugs, and best wishes.
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Agree with above replies. Is there any kind of daycare available where you are? or support for caretakers to have breaks? I think DS has one, which may help you get some support. Sounds like your home has become your world. Isolation easily leads to feeling unloved as we don't have other people to connect with. Comforting hugs as you sort options out.
machoorozconpollo
machoorozconpollo
Ahhh, ruthgrps, iloveyou. And I can be a great friend too. I can just listen to you talk or listen and give you my opinion and advice. Or i can support you all the way thru I don't want you to feel lonely because I too know that feeling and I hated it. That's probably why I am the way I am because I don't do good alone. Anywho, i also agree with the two guys before me. Selflove helps out real well. And try pampering urself. Get your nails done, go see a movie or hang out at the beach at a pier. I know that's all better said then done especially when u have your daughter to look after. But once you do-do it, it will be so much fun and worth it! I'm probably right but I'm guessing your no where near me, in Low Angeles county California? Well, it was worth a shot. But sometimes talking to someone that you know nothing about is better then talking to someone that does know you personally. I use to see a counselor and never had it hard to openup. And , boy ol boy., Was that so much fun that I felt so my better inside. But my point is , I'll always be here for you. You can pm Me or I'll give you my email address or I'll even give u my cell. Anything to help you feel better inside I promise.! What ever you need I promise to do my best to help you.! Okay. Keep us posted.. Bye.!
pietro84
pietro84
Your story is moving and the emotional fatigue you describe sounds like you are, essentially, drowning. Being both helpless and hopeless is a bleak space. I am glad you are here, and maybe this group can give a little needed lift.

I have a 19 year old daughter too (and a 14 year old son) and a marriage that shares in virtually all of your troubles in that arena too.

What is the level of care that your daughter requires? Is this 24/7 or do you have some ability to be away?
Onlythelonely
Onlythelonely
Sorry you're having a hard time. I think you need a little vacation. Is there a spa or resort close by where you can go maybe just for 24 hours to get a massage and some special treatment?

My husband and I have gone through some dry spells in our marriage. We started reading marriage books together, just for 5 or 10 minutes each morning before he leaves for work. We recently read As Long As We Both Shall Live by Gary Smalley.

Also, check out daughterhood.org or caregiver.org for resources to help with your daughter.
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