I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now. I hate that society puts so much pressure on women about their looks. Are you getting any help through therapy for this issue?

No, i suffer alone and in silence..

Have you thought about trying counseling? It was really helpful for me. I'm glad you're posting here, I hope you'll seek help offline too, things can get better and you don't have to suffer alone.

Dear Christinaki,

This will be a rather lengthy post, but I hope you read it & it gives you some comfort & peace in your situation.

I am here to tell you I've been in the same position you are (& many girls who are sadly in the same situation as you), and I'm also here to tell you that I've gained much insight into life, myself, the media, and society in general due to the struggles I've been through...& I'm also pleased to say that I'm free from self-image issues & low self esteem, measuring myself up to others, allowing others' to affect me, and ultimately freeing myself from the mental slavery which was induced by the medias' lies & deception....& I would like to share some of my experiences & insight with you.

I've been obese. I've been anorexic. I've had acne. I've dealt with the symptoms of PCOS (excessive hair growth on my body, and hair loss on my head). I've dealt with being flat chested. I was bullied in elementary for being overweight. I was bullied in jr. high school due to being anorexic. I was bullied in high school for being slightly on the hairier side. I had horrible self-esteem issues and insecurities. I did feel suicidal due to my appearance at one point in my life....but that was then, & this is now.

It wasn't until I separated myself from our corrupted society, understood the media in greater detail, the motives of others' & their criticism, & started looking inside people rather at them (as well as myself: internal reflection).... that I really finally grasped the true meaning of what beauty is.

I'd like to first say that you're not ugly, our society is...& I will explain this in greater detail.

The media (& the magazines in which you refer to) are lies & deception. NO ONE looks like the pictures of models & celebrities you see plastered all over the media outlets (magazines, television, movies, billboards, internet, ect.) . All models & celebrities have a team of professional hairstylists, cosmetologists, fashion designers, photographers, & software to alter the way they appear to the public and with good reason. The media notoriously promotes ARTIFICIAL "BEAUTY" because it generates revenue (for the beauty industry) by playing on the emotions of the public. The unrealistic & unattainable standards of "beauty" within our society are there purely for business purposes.

Also, the media is utilized (& owned) by our government for their own selfish reasons....I will not delve into this topic in great detail however, the more & more the public focus on superficial aspects (their appearance for example) the less they focus on educating themselves about the world we live in & simultaneously it "dumbs down" the masses: the minds become wastelands.

It also breeds insecurity, hatred/animosity, and jealousy/envy within our society: all negative attributes of a human being.

I can not tell you how many times (personal experience) that I've been in the presence of some of the "most beautiful people" (physically) & at the same time had the absolute DISPLEASURE of being in the presence of: due to their lack of intelligence (simple common sense), and the pure UGLINESS of their personalities. I've also spoken to many who would agree with me on this common occurrence (men&women alike).

I want to say ( & I'm sure you've heard this many times) : that TRUE BEAUTY is WITHIN YOU: your heart, mind, & soul. It is not only perceived by the eyes. Real long lasting beauty is perceived & within the mind, heart, & soul: & LASTS FOR ETERNITY.

There are millions of girls out there who are physically attractive. The only thing it takes to be physically attractive is a small amount of time & MONEY. Looking attractive takes minimal work/effort, large amounts of money to maintain, and inevitably fades with time (temporal).

Trust me, some of the most physically "beautiful" girls out there deep down inside are some of the most insecure girls: Why? Because they are constantly in competition with others. Why? Because for most of them the only thing they have going for them is their looks (due to focusing so much of their time, energy, & effort maintaining their looks). Like I said, millions out there who are physically attractive. When that is all you have to offer, you are NOT relationship material. So, please don't think you are too "ugly" to have a boyfriend; because some of the "prettiest" ones are not relationship material due to fact they have no personality nor intelligence nor anything else to offer except their bodies: what you would consider "hook up" material, not permanent relationship material. This is why pretty girls commonly get cheated on...because there will always be someone that physically looks just as good or better than you (if you only have your looks to offer...no man will be loyal to you, period).

I will say, that the ones who live their lives on their looks do get attention, but I will also say few get RESPECT. I refer to those who work in the adult entertainment industry (strippers, porn stars, escorts....that are degraded & disrespected on a daily basis & most are too ignorant to see it or are stupid enough to accept that they are oppressed everyday of their lives. We live in a patriarchal society where females are objectified in the media, sadly. Do not allow yourself to fall into that category: determining your self worth based off the way you look.

I can not stress the importance of inner beauty enough. Your personality is PRICELESS & takes a LIFETIME to create: you can't go into a store & purchase a personality, but you can purchase anything & everything to alter your physical state of being. What will separate yourself from all competition in this world is your mind, heart, soul; & your personality.

You must learn to LOVE YOURSELF. It is a difficult and tiresome journey, but the benefits greatly outweigh the work needed to accomplish this. You must look within you, and realize all that you have to offer this world that many don't have.

You must also FORGIVE all those who have criticized & hurt you in your past. Most who focus on the flaws of others & spew hatred onto others are fighting their own battles within them. Some "feel better" about themselves by putting others down, some like to redirect attention onto someone else in fear of their own insecurities being shown, and some it is purely ignorance & stupidity. Forgive them, because it is imperative to the healing process & it is imperative to stop the cycle of self-hate & hatred towards others.

Hope this gives you some clarity in your situation. I'm always here if you need someone to talk with.

Stay Strong,
Samantha.

That was very deep and I totally agree with everything you said! Thanks so much

That was a wonderful post, missluhvlee. That was very helpful to read.

Looks are a very superfical thing even my own issues with weight & self-image have been very rough for me because I've gotten so obsessed with it in the past because I feel I couldn't be as skinny as other girls or etc. & Yet I always felt completely shallow about even talking about it because it makes me feel like I'm giving a lot of power to such a small issue in the big scheme of life. But looks, they matter, appearance can scar a person's brain for life, my eating disorder has been taking me to hell & back, skinny to fat. It sucks. But looks don't change the way you look at life. If you're always unhappy maybe it's not the fact that you feel unattractive, maybe it's just the fact that you suffer from depression & always being in a bad state of mind. Because I've always been in that limbo where the fear of being ugly made everything, no matter what the situation was, not good enough so I knew it had nothing to do with the way I looked on the outside. It was the way I saw the world & what was going on, on the inside. & I just feel like maybe you sharing this might help you to feel better for a little time being. But depression is an illness that could stem from anything whether it'd be looks or etc. The real problem is about the way you look at life, not about the way you look.....