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Feeling like a failure

shellofaperson
shellofaperson

Hey everyone,


So I'm new to this support group stuff, mainly because I have, well had, too much pride, and last time i posted on here, no one answered...  Buuuuut I feel broken, and I don't really have anywhere to go, and all my friends are back home. Military life, gotta love it (btw I just got out of the Navy, hubby is still in).... Anyway, I've been having problems with my husband a lot lately. I don’t know if it's the pregnancy hormones, or if it's me, or if I'm just done with his bs. He's good at manipulation and is a good liar. However, he is a GREAT father, hence why I haven't asked for a divorce. I want to try to work it out with him, but I don't feel like he cares. I've tried talking to him multiple times, especially about his smoking. He denies that he smokes even though I can smell it on him. Come on! I know you're lying, why can't you be honest?!?!


Well today, I had to drop my Human Anatomy and Physiology 2 class. Which really really bothers me! I was trying so hard to get an A, or at least a B so I could get into Radiology program, but I just didn’t do good enough. I feel like a failure because I had to drop it. Now I don’t know what I’m going to do, especially since we are moving soon and there are no colleges that have the radiology program nearby where we’re moving.  I’ve been crying off and on all day, and my husband didn’t even realize it. I talked to him over the phone to let him know I was going to drop it, and he just said ok. No big deal, we will just find you a college when we move, or you can just get a different career. We are about to have our 2nd child, and there is no way in hell I want to let a baby sitter or day care that I don’t know personally watch our children! I hear wayyyyy too many stories in the news, and that terrifies me!! I’ve been blessed with a fantastic babysitter so far, and she’s seriously like my kids 2nd mother. She was there for me while my husband was deployed and it was just my son and I. I wish I didn’t have to move away! And our families are on the separate side of the country, so family isn’t an option for watching the littles ones. My husband just doesn’t understand. L maybe I’m overreacting?...  The whole situation just has me really upset and it seems like he doesn’t care. Hell, he hasn’t even given me a foot massage, or back massage, or any kind of massage while I’ve been pregnant. I’m 7 months right now, and sore every day! He always says later to everything, and later never comes.


Anyone have any good advice?


Thanks in Advance!

Restful
Restful
Sorry to hear you are feeling down. I am here to listen if you feel like talking. For now try to live in the moment and take care of yourself first before worrying about anyone else.
onelife2958
onelife2958
If you need to talk I listen (Read) well..lol When you are talking about failures I am the king of failures, when I was in college and things got a little to hard I dropped the course, same thing with jobs. I can blame a lot of things people etc but the realization it was me.
lighttheway
lighttheway
The pregnancy hormones will make everything seem a little more acute.at least they did too me .But I would have trouble with the lying.thats one trait that I just cant deal with.Its hard enough when you have trust issues and than through some lying into it.so I feel for you there.I think I would be crying too if I had to move and drop the career that I had been studying for.i really hope you find more options after you've moved,and can contiue your degree.He seems insensitive to what your going thru.Id just take care of yourself the best you can and look for support in family or friends even someonline like thsi,because he doesnt seem,for whatever reason,to be very supportive right now.yeah,I never got any massages when i was pregnancy with any of my 4. so yeah idk..So hopefully he comes around.....Take care of yourself meanwhile.treat yourself to something nice..hugs and welcome xxxxxx
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
I am no expert on marriage, ... I only had a failed one. Here is what comes to my mind from reading your post. You have made it clear you don't approve of his smoking. He, being an adult, probably clearly understands your disapproval. You have said it, he heard it, and that is that. Anything beyond is berating the subject. He is clear .... he knows you don't like it, he does like it (evidently). You are not his parent. He has the privilege of choice. Of course you can make certain rules ... no smoking in the house, car, around your children, ... whatever, but smoke or not to smoke ... his choice. Back off from it. You have made YOUR position clear. Respect his.

The other things ... foot massage, sympathy, etc etc ... I would say change what you can, and accept what you cannot, and have the wisdom to know the difference. If the bad outweighs the good, then a termination of the marriage should be considered. I am oversimplifying ... but it is complex .... this marriage thing.

Just offering my (limited) opinions ... and trying this time to afford you SOME response.
bridgie101
bridgie101
I think your hormones are getting into this, because from what I'm seeing he's trying to be positive with you, which is how men treat pregnant women. And you're seeing only the bad stuff - which is 100% normal for being pregnant. You're miserable, it's all too much, and you're crying. I hear you. I've been there. You just hang on in there. When baby is out, and things start to settle, your hormones will come back to normal and you will have PLENTY of time to review the relationship and see how you feel about it, but trying to make a decision now is like trying to walk a tightrope blindfold. Wait for the blindfold to come off, and see if you still need to walk the tightrope. Marriage is for a LONG, long time. You have the luxury of patience. You have the opportunity to wait and see with this. So just look around you at the things you can do, and focus on them. Focus on the positive, Do all the things you can right now, and worry about the things that can't be done later. be kind to yourself and hubby and baby. Stay in the now. :) xx
Laurie222
Laurie222
Insensitivity is tough to deal with! Maybe try going for a walk or out to dinner or something so you can talk. Maybe set the problems aside, tell him the good things he's doing and tell him that you're feeling more vulnerable bc of the pregnancy. You cannot change someone but you can control how to respond to situations and your attitude (I say you but I mean anyone!)
Or meet with a friend and just have a gab session. With some ice cream.
As for massages... maybe go for pedicure and/or massage... sorry to hear that you are stressed! Hope you get some well-deserved attention and relaxation!
Minidogs2
Minidogs2
Sorry for your suffering. Why is he a good father? I'm guessing he expresses love for his son so that he knows he's loved and is glad to see his dad. Try encouraging him that he is a great dad, and ask for just a couple of specific things that would express his love for you. Hopefully, he will make the effort and it will help you feel loved by him. Sounds like anything positive from him would help. Try to thank him for whatever he does to serve you. Hope you feel better. Keep in touch.
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